Married but in love with somebody else. What to do?
By joyangz32
@joyangz32 (322)
Netherlands
January 27, 2008 10:41am CST
Married are committed to their spouses. Meaning to say they can't have an affair with others. What about if you're married and have an affair with somebody else?and you're so in love with that person?he or she is in love with you also. He/she continues contacting you even you don't have time for each other. Your husband/wife is not faithful to you. What is the best thing to do?it's confusing, give-up your marriage life or be with the person you love?and why?
3 people like this
28 responses
@asgtswife04 (2475)
• United States
28 Jan 08
Cheating is wrong, plain and simple. I don't understand why people these days get married and then go out and cheat on their spouses. It makes no sense to me what so ever. If there was even a possibility that you or your spouse would cheat, then you should have never gotten married at all. Marriage is supposed to be sacred...a bond not only between husband and wife, but to God as well. I take marriage very seriously and it really disgusts me that so many people out there are getting married and not keeping the commitment that they made not only to each other, but to God as well. He isn't happy about it either. I think if one cheats, the other should definitely divorce before the doing the same thing. it makes both parties wrong. Just because one defiles a marriage, it doesn't make it right for the other person to do it as well. God bless
@marge_1024 (12)
• Philippines
28 Jan 08
I could not have said it better!!!! Very good advice!!! Marriage is not just like hot food that you can put in your mouth and spit out once you realize that it's very hot!!!
@roberten (3128)
• United States
27 Jan 08
Rule of thumb: if you are married, don't cheat! If you must sucumb to temptation, get a divorce first and then roam.
Cheating is a symptom of other things wrong in a relationship; if you can understand what is happening and why, it is easier to avoid pitfalls. Most cheaters are just that, cheaters; if they cheat with you, they will cheat on you! Statistics are not on the side of a cheater leaving their spouse for someone they are cheating with; there are professional cheaters who seek out those in a stressed marriage just for the purpose of creating a cheating relationship for personal gratification...I know you don't want to be a trophy or another knotch on someone's belt. When you leave your spouse for a character like this, they suddenly have family obligations that prevent them from committing to you and the usually break off your relations which leaves you alone. Don't be stupid, do not cheat. Work out your issues with your spouse or, if that isn't possible, get a divorce and start dating again the proper way. If what I have said doesn't change your mind, fear this: KARMA! What goes around comes around.
1 person likes this
@marge_1024 (12)
• Philippines
27 Jan 08
I agree with what Roberten has commented.... Cheaters are cheaters... and If they cheated with you, chances are they will do it again and cheat on you! Now, if you are the cheater, there is no guarantee that you will not do this again. Atleast be honest to the other person and let him choose for herself/himself. Cheaters should not justify what they did because it is simply that... cheating. And however you put it, it will hurt the other person.
Coming from a country where divorce is not yet a part of our legal system, I believe that once you get married , you are bound to your mate for life. So you should think a thousand times before commiting yourself to somebody. Not having divorce here i think is good. One is that MOST couples here do not jump into marriage that easily...... and they do not look for the easy way out. They try to work it out for years and years. Unlike in countries where you can get married today and be divorced tomorrow. Where is the love in that???
@nakitalikely3617 (453)
• United States
1 Feb 08
Well this is a tricky discussion. I will say this if you and your husband/ wife are both unfaithful why are you letting a piece of paper hold you into sometihng you are not happy with? Everybody needs to be happy and being in a marriage where you are not in love with each is stupid. Especially if you both aresleeping around of each other it's pointless. Get a divorce and move on.
@alanmc (2)
•
1 Feb 08
I separated from my wife and two children back in October last year, this was at the request from my wife. She said that she no longer had feelings for me and that she did not know if these feelings could return or even if she wanted them to return. There was many signs in the relationship that all was not well with her and i choose to ignore them. I was stubborn and admittedly put her through some sort of mental abuse (however i was not aware of this abuse at the time)I failed to give her the little things in life that she needed, in fact i started to ignore her. finally last year she asked me to leave, she said she loved me but was not in love with me and that our relationship could not continue. I was and still am totally devestated, i love her with all my heart and the pain of knowing that i am at fault in the breakup has torn my heart into pieces. I have had some sort of counselling (not professional) which has opened my eyes to what i was like in the past, as someone has already said, i have grown up very quickly. I have asked my wife if she would consider a reconciliation as i now understand where i was going wrong. She has said that maybe this could happen, however she also says if it did not work it would be more hurting for the children. I think she will probably give our marriage another go, however i have found out that during our separation she seeked out comfort from another man and has had some sort of relationship with him. This hurts me very much but as i say i brought it on myself. Please give me advice on what i should probably do.
@zorzon (71)
• Brazil
1 Feb 08
That's a real dilemma huh? My parents had that kind of problem once. And they solved it in a easy way: they broke up and married again. kind of easy huh?
At least, it were for them. But i must agree that things are not so easy to everyone. And, jdgiung by the fact that are lawly matters to attend, and money to spend, and a lot of other hard measures to take, getting divorced is a hard thing to acomplish. Even harder than getting married!
Well, when things get to this point, it's better to stopo thinking with the heart and start thinking or loving with your brain.
One thing I know: people who easily get sentimental tend to suffer a lot more than those who love with their brains.
That's what I think.
@david2005 (798)
• Canada
4 Feb 08
If you still love the person that you are married to then I suggest that you stay but if not then leave to be with someone else that you love.
@Ohara_1983 (4117)
• Kuwait
29 Jan 08
for me that is already game, why you get merried and sleep with others, or either you just merried that person because of will, lot of negative will be on you, also pressure from other people.
@bonbon664 (3466)
• Canada
28 Jan 08
I don't condone having an affair. If you're not happy in a marriage, end it, bottom line. I think having an affair is cowardly. I think you should be with the person you love, life is too short to be with someone you don't love. In my opinion though, marriage is a serious vow to be taken seriously.
@ChampagneGiggles (699)
• United States
28 Jan 08
Marriage isn't just about the happy infatuated feeling you get at the beginning of a relationship. It's about consciously choosing day by day to commit only to your spouse and remain caring, devoted, and loving to them. Because if you think about it, you once had the same feelings that you have for this other person, but for your current spouse. And eventually, if you chose to be with this other person, the romance would wear off and all you would see is that person. You'd be in the same situation. I'd suggest ending it with your spouse, but only because he/she is not faithful to you. But never stoop to that level and compromise your personal values and morals, especially not for something as fickle as love.
@libertarianfreedom21 (3198)
• United States
28 Jan 08
IN my eyes your luv to your husband has vanished and now your luv is with someone else I would leave. I know its easier said than done, but make sure your making the right dissision for you and your heart. IN my eyes marriage is just a piece of paper, and only good for as long as luv lasts. You need to be with the one that you know you want to be with.
@pastorkayte (2255)
• United States
28 Jan 08
The first thing you should do is talk about the situation with your spouse and a counselor before doing anything, next you then have to consider this other person. If you cheated on your spouse with that person, they will never, and I mean never trust you not to cheat on them, so do you want to have that kind of life.
Next see God about it, adultry is a sin but one that can be forgiven, so is divorse and you need to decide if it is that bad whether or not divorse is in the best interest.
Next get your children's view (if you have them), are you going to scar your children by destroying their fragile lives with this someone you may or may not be with forever. Will they accept this person or will it lead to many arguements about this person. Will your children start acting out because of depression, and possibly hurt themselves for a decision you made.
The last point is about you will you be able to live in married life as one person as God meant for you to be, or do you need to get out before bad things happen. But what ever is done, do it the right way, do not continue to live in sin, by cheating on your husband even if he does it. Two wrongs do not make it right.
@newfette (338)
• Canada
28 Jan 08
If you stray from your marriage you are not in love with your spouse. If you even think of cheating it means you should not be married. You need to be upfront with your spouse and talk seriously about breaking up. It doesn't matter if your spouse was not faithful to you, it gives you no right to cheat. You don't need to be with the other person after divorce, that is your choice. but you do need to end your marriage, or at least get a separation.
@anamaria23 (16)
• Croatia (Hrvatska)
29 Jan 08
I think, if you are married, and fall in love with someone else, you HAVE to break up the marriage, it is the only thing honest to do for you and your spouse.
@babymar (359)
• Philippines
28 Jan 08
if you really love the other person, then why do you marry at the first place? getting married means you have to live and love your spouse for the rest of your life....and so you must not cheat....try to love your spouse coz it's a vow you both made....
@dont_pick_your_nose (2279)
• Australia
28 Jan 08
i think you need to make a choice and quickly. It is wrong to betray your your husband/wife and it is unfair to stay with someone when you love someone else more.
I think choose who you are TRULY inlove with and be completly honest with that person and your spouse, this is a hard situation to be in, either way someone is going to get hurt, make sure this happens sooner rather than later or worse from someone else.
@Minotaur (105)
•
28 Jan 08
The new always has a lot of allure.
The thing to ask is are you really willing to give up and deal with all the hurt and costs of giving up on your marriage? One thing to think of, is what will it be like with this new person after you have been with them as long as your wife.
Despite being a Christian, I think you can make a mistake and marry the wrong person. I know I was in Love, and would have married someone early on in my life, but now am really in Love with someone, to marry the first person would have been a mistake.
@nikki0607 (75)
• China
28 Jan 08
i think if i am that person , i won't give up my marriage and also won't be with the person i love .
because love need foster .
why you have marriage your husband . i think you must love him before . now if you love him , why not go on .
it's only my opinion.
@theonenonly (4)
• United States
28 Jan 08
I think you should follow your heart. If it wants to be with the one you love the most, then that should be your decision. Just please, do the right choice and think it out for the long run. Would you like to live happily? Or would you rather just live a normal life.
