As a wife I am doing all I can for my husband. All of myLot, please read this!!!
By cream97
@cream97 (29087)
United States
March 2, 2009 4:30pm CST
Earlier this morning, around 3 a.m. I woke up to use the bathroom. And after that I took some medicine for my cold. Well, as I went back to bed, my husband kept groaning softly.. I thought that he was just dreaming. But, he was actually in pain. I kept asking him what was wrong, and he could not answer me. A few times, he would move around in the bed and end up falling to the floor. I was so scared at this point. So, I helped him up from the floor. He was very heavy and I managed to scoot him further into the bed to keep him from falling to the floor. At this point, I really was going to call an ambulance or just drive him to the emergency room. But for some reason, something told me to put a cold wash cloth to his forehead. And I did. And it helped a little. He was able to talk just a little to me. And he was able to move himself a little better in the bed. So, I gave him some medicine. And I guess it helped. He was burning up all over his body. He had a bad fever. So, I tried putting the cold wash cloth against his neck. He also went into the bathroom and he sat on the edge of the tub. For some reason, the bathroom has no heat in there, and to him it was a cooling relief being that he was very hot all over his body. Despite what I feel, I will take care of my husband. When it comes to him being sick or in need, I will do my best as his wife to nuture him. This, what I am doing is all about love, not how I feel about him as his wife. I love him regardless. He has done me wrong at times in our marriage, but I still dedicate myself into being there for him. I try to put my sad feelings aside just to help him. I went to Rite Aid today and I picked up some chicken noodle soup and some Theraflu. I gave him some of the medicine and he is laying down now. It may make him sleepy, so that way he can rest a little better. I tell God, that this is the man that I want to divorce, but for some reason, I am putting my self aside just to see about him. It is the love that I have for him. He is the father of my three kids, I could not live with myself if I would just walk out and let him suffer from being ill. Just because of how he did me. I could not do him that way. I think about all the mean things he has done, how he has blamed me, for this and for that.. And I have came to an conclusion that I will be here for him as his wife. As he felt much better earlier this morning, he took my hand and kissed it and told me that he loved me. He got so still, that I thought that he had died. But he was breathing. He told me that he was sorry that he scared me. He was referring to him being ill. Right now, I am asking God to guide me in the best way that he knows as far as my marriage is concerned. I want him to show me what do I need to do as far as my marriage is concerned. This is the man that has verbally and physically abused me since we were married. We went through many storms together, and we still are going through storms. I am still married to him, and I will do all I can to make sure he is okay, no matter what or how I feel. And no matter what others may think or say. I know that my family dislikes him for hw he has treated me, and how he does not take care of his family like he should. But, I still will stick by him when he is sick no matter what odds are up against me.
7 people like this
29 responses
@dorisday1971 (5657)
• Philippines
2 Mar 09
What you have done is surely a sign of true love. Maybe this is already a wake up call for him to be more loving and caring to you. it is good that you have helped him through with his illness and although you aren't expecting any return, who knows, he will no longer abuse and instead love you more. Just keep on praying. God bless.
@Dragonofgold (509)
• Canada
2 Mar 09
i am sorry, but I don't believe that he will wake up from this.
Of course, I don't know the man personally, so I could be wrong.
1 person likes this
@Anora_Eldorath (6028)
• United States
2 Mar 09
I think you have done what so many of us as wives do because it is our duty to do so. We don't always hear the "thank you" when we've gone above and beyond, especially when we are sick as well and still taking care of the house. It's just a part of the deal we signed on for when we agreed to become a wife and a mother. I wouldn't say it is necessarily abuse, because as you shared our husband do find their small ways to thank us for all we've done. And it is those times that we must cherish.
My husband is a disabled Vet, fighting the VA, so I can understand about pain and sickness. My husband woke up Friday unable to walk so we had to go to the urgent care at the VA, argue to be seen, and spend all day having people talk down to us about how this was all our fault. No, it's the Army's fault for breaking him. However, my husband is like most men and can become just plain awnry when sick. I take it in stride. I know that his attitude, and sometimes snide remarks when sick aren't coming from his heart, they are coming from being in so much pain. And no one, not anyone of us, is perfect. We have all done and said things in our relationships that have not been the nicest things. However, with a deep love and compassion we can heal those times.
I'm not sure if you are venting, looking for advise, or simply sharing. I'm not sure how to explain where I came from other then I've been abused before. I know that my current husband is not abusive, by any means. If your husband is like my first husband, though, I would encourage you to find someone to speak to about this. I wish you all the best. Anora
3 people like this
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
2 Mar 09
cream, just as I thought, there's more to your story than you're telling and is why no one here can give you the right advice unless or until they know the whole situation and even then, no one can tell you what to do. We can advise you but ultimately, it's up to you to decide what you want or need to do. We're here to support you in what ever you do but we can't tell you what or how to do it. Hope you both are feeling better soon!
2 people like this
@dawnald (85135)
• Shingle Springs, California
2 Mar 09
Well you didn't ask for advice, so I won't give you any. You are obviously a very loving and giving person and he is lucky to have you. Hopefully he realizes that. And if it ever does come to you needing to leave, I hope you realize that and do what is right for you and your family.
@Dragonofgold (509)
• Canada
2 Mar 09
I too am a loving and devoted wife, but never NEVER would I tolerate my husband's physical abuse. It would tear my heart out to leave him, but I would do it for the safety and well-being of not only my self but also for my children.
I respect that you have made the decision you have. I hope that when there are "storms" in your life that he does not continue to act the way he has before by hurting you. But if you allow it to continue he will have to reason to try to control himself.
Good for you for taking care of your husband. I'm sure we all do our best for our man.
@ahsn12k4 (83)
• Canada
5 Mar 09
i am a male,marrried just recently. what i say in my past life experience husband and parents abusing their childrens and wife made me realize how bad will i look if i did such things to my wife. i am happy i got the chance to see those stuffs before it occurs. make pray for so that nothing like happends.
1 person likes this
@Heifer1 (48)
• United States
3 Mar 09
It is good of you to take care of him while he is sick. He is sick mentally too, and needs help. Is there any way that the two of you can go to a counselor (preferably a Christian counselor), or would he go by himself? It is vey difficult for a person who abuses others physically and emotionally to change without help. If he abuses you physically, you owe it to yourself to get away from him and take your children with you. I'm not suggesting divorce. Just that you get away from this environment until he gets help in order to change the way he thinks.
2 people like this
@Ravenladyj (22904)
• United States
3 Mar 09
This is the man that has verbally and physically abused me since we were married. We went through many storms together, and we still are going through storms. I am still married to him, and I will do all I can to make sure he is okay, no matter what or how I feel. And no matter what others may think or say. I know that my family dislikes him for hw he has treated me, and how he does not take care of his family like he should
I'm not saying you should leave him at this moment while he is so ill BUT why you stay is beyond me....NOBODY should put up with abuse of any kind least of all long term....Your family is right to dislike him, they are treating their daughter like a pc of crap...If it was my daughter there would be right royal hell to pay..
1 person likes this
@moondancer (7433)
• United States
3 Mar 09
This is the perfect example of being a good devoted wife and mother. It should work both ways as the husband should do the same for his wife. Being with someone you love is a blessing and should be treated as such. I know that most relationships just one person gives his or her all. They go more than halfway to make things work.
Just saying you love someone and not sowing it is a contradiction. I like beiold I love you...but I want them to show it too. Words are easy to come by, showing it takes work. eing willing to do what you must really shows you love someone...you love your husband.
1 person likes this
@drdivu (1011)
• India
3 Mar 09
i can understand wat u are going thro.. i have gone thro the same rather going thro it WITH MY BOYFRIEND.. most indian women go thro this QUIETLY WITH OUT EVEN SPEAKING THEIR HEART.. I agree to all that u are saying and going thro.. may god bless u so that u can pass this storm in life.. hope ur husband realises this and may u get acceptance from him..
1 person likes this
@suzzy3 (8342)
•
4 Mar 09
it is nice if you to be so generous to him after the terrible things he has done to you,he only had the flu if you left him he would have to cope,what would happen if you were ill would he worry about you.It seems to me he is a very lucky man when my first husband treated me the same way,I took a chance and threw him out never regretted it for a minute,my new husband I would do anything for as he is kind loving ,considerate and looks after me like a princess.You don't have to put up with him,itis not the law,it seems to me you have put up with it so long you think it is normal and it is not.of course he loves you he has control over you and that is what he wants,remember you are supposed to have a life as well.Take care suzzy3xx
1 person likes this
@strawberrychocodahi (4818)
• Philippines
3 Mar 09
I just hope that both of you would be more loving and supporting to each other. I don't know the exact story of the divorce issue between you and your husband, but i am sure that you both can still make it through because you still love each other.
You said that you have been together for so many years and that you have three kids already. I am sure that you both can still know each other better and learn from each other too. Give and take is important as much as your communication with each other.
If he was physically and verbally abusing you, he should be realizing now how much you cared for him and he should be a changed man. But i know that God can only change the heart of a person. I pray that you both will come to the saving knowledge of Christ and put God as the center of your relationship.
1 person likes this
@Daniel2009 (103)
• China
9 Mar 09
My friend,I have read many of your posts,I am sure you must be a woman with many stories and may suffered a lot of tribulations.I don't know how to comfort you.Just cheer up.live will be better.I pray for you.
1 person likes this
@anitanaveen (128)
• India
3 Mar 09
hai dear,i m no that much old so cant give u advice,but in short span of my life that i learnt that i must care of each other bcos we came together for whole life in the witnessing of god. I FEEL HEARTLY ,U KEEP LOVING HIM ,ONEDAY HE HAVE TO THINK ABOUT U AND GOD WILL HELP U ,DONT WORRY THAT DAY WILL COME SOON,SO KEEP LOVING UR HUSBAND.
@sudiptacallingu (10879)
• India
3 Mar 09
Irrespective of our relations and the outer world, there is something called our inner voice, which will always remain with us, no matter what. A little genetic, a little upbringing, a little practical experience, a little conscience and a little of our own ‘nature’…makes this inner voice tick throughout our adult life. And as I have often found out, listening to it can be the best solution for troubled minds. No matter what type of person your husband is, your own behaviour should not be guided by that alone…listen to your inner voice when in doubt…I am sure it will tell you how long to hang on and when, if ever, to leave.
1 person likes this
@kalav56 (11464)
• India
3 Mar 09
I did not know your background when I responded to your discussion about cough. If you have been physically and verbally abused by your husband it is very sad and you are obviously staying with him for the sake of children and harmony of family.
[It is high time then for you to expect what will be given by your husband and not get on with your wishful thinking.-this is for your discussion about your cough dear]if he has changed these days and has stopped abusing you, still ,his fundamental nature would not have changed and so you will have to be hapy with small mercies.
Though you have not asked for advice, I feel that you would lose your peace of mind if you serve your husband with too much of love for him.You will have to do your duty ,no doubt about it , but if you must not feel miserable then you will have to be a bit detached . What to do afterall?
1 person likes this
@sudalunts (5523)
• United States
3 Mar 09
Lucky for him, he has you as a wife. I am sure there are a lot of women who would think of how they were treated as opposed to this person needs my help now. In God's eyes you did the right thing.
I think that if you have been going through abuse with him, you should make a serious decision about leaving him. It's time you start think about your own welfare and not his. You deserve a life of peace, not abuse.
I hope the both of you are feeling better soon.
1 person likes this
@dropofrain (1167)
• India
3 Mar 09
I think your husband should share his problems with you at an early stage and this could act as a helping hand in your relationship. As a wife you should be concerned and it is your right to know all these things.
@Nhey16 (2518)
• Philippines
3 Mar 09
wow... that's a very very great and lovely thing to do to your hubby. It's your love for him that had made you do that, despite of all the things that happened between the two of you. There are times, that I, also think of all our problems and it makes me angry and frustrated with my husband, but whenever he's sick and out of my sight, I always pray for his health and ask God to guide him always. And I know that I do love him no matter what.
You are a great person and wife, Cream97, and I know that a lot of people would be inspired by your love with your husband...
1 person likes this
