A Gift Or A Bribe...
By twoey68
@twoey68 (13627)
United States
March 31, 2009 11:11am CST
Usually when you give a gift, it’s just that…a gift. No strings, no expectations of a gift in return, no owing…it’s just a gift. But what about ppl that want to put strings on gifts?
Let’s say a friend comes into A LOT of money and they say…”I’m going to give you $10,000 but…you have to quit (fill in the blank)”. It could be you have to quit smoking, drinking, swearing, having children, working, you have to lose weight, get a job, get married, go to school, ect.
Would you tell them to kiss your backside? Would you promise to do what they want, get the money and then refuse to do it? Would you go along with their conditions? What would you think of that person as an individual…would you think of them as smart, controlling, crazy, greedy or what?
Personally, I’d tell them to keep their money. I don’t let anyone dictate how I live my life. If I have a bad habit then I deal with it b/c I want to not b/c someone is making me. If there’s things in my life I need to improve, I improve them b/c I want to not b/c someone else thinks I need to.
As to the person, I think their intentions might be good…helping others out…but they also have a control issue and need to work on accepting others how they are.
[b]**AT PEACE WITHIN**
~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~[/b]
10 people like this
31 responses
@walijo2008 (4644)
• United States
31 Mar 09
No, I wouldn't accept it either, I think if they were truly my friend they would accept me for who I am, faults and everything, thats how friends are supposed to be, we accept each other for who we are. I'd think they were crazy, and controlling too, they think money can solve everything.
2 people like this
@jesssp (2712)
• Canada
31 Mar 09
That's a good question and definitely a thinker! If someone was putting a stipulation like quitting smoking or losing weight on the cash because they knew that it was something I already wanted to do and just needed motivation then I think it would be something I would consider. But if it was THEIR agenda, they wanted me to change for them, then it would be a whole other story.
2 people like this
@tammytwo (4298)
• United States
31 Mar 09
It would depend on the request. For $10,000 I think I could give up junk food for a month or two. However I couldn't stop loving my children. See, it would definitely depend on what it is that they are asking me to do. Of course I believe I would probably ask for more than $10,000 if I am going to be willing to give something up completely. 
2 people like this
@jessigirl116 (848)
• United States
31 Mar 09
Gift or bribe??? I don't know, but I know the person isn't much of a FRIEND if they don't trust you enough to do what's right with the money, e.g.- pay your debts, spoil your kids, take a deserved vacation... We always talk about-'if I won the Powerball(or megabucks)', we'd give each person a million dollars- my sister, my mom, my best friend, etc., but would we really?? Would I be able to just hand over a
million dollars to someone I know is going to run through it like it's water and still have debts and struggle along?? I have a couple of friends that would do that, I'm sure of it. They live waaay beyond their income. Matter of fact, they are drowning right now and they still managed to take a vacation and spend a week at the coast!! And if I gave them a mil I'm sure they would pay their current bills, but blow the rest and then still end up with a bunch of debt. Would I be able to give it freely?? I'd like to think I am that kind of person. This was a great discussion!!!
In closing, I think gifts should be gifts. What the recipient does with it is done being your business when you let go of the gift!!
2 people like this
@scarlet_woman (23465)
• United States
31 Mar 09
i'd tell them to kiss my butt whether it was $10 or $10000.
i don't like being obligated to anyone,and i've seen way too many people get nasty over piddly sums.$10,000 is way to much to not except something unreasonable in the future.there's always strings in one form or another.
@mcelhenney (481)
• United States
31 Mar 09
I would not accept a"Gift" on those conditions.When I give a gift it is from my heart without any conditions or any expectations of getting anything in return.When you give someone money and expect them to do what you want then you need to expect to be disappointed. They will only agree just to get the money.If you are giving a gift you should not attach any strings or conditions to it because then it is not a gift.
@Grandmaof2 (7579)
• Canada
31 Mar 09
I would be polite about it because regardless that person did have ME in thought in what she/he thought was in my best interest. However... I would probably say something like. "I appreciate the fact that for a brief minute you did have me on your list of people you care about, Thank You for that, however friendship and love is something that thankfully can not be bought for any price and I am simply not going to alter my life in the manner you wish it in order to accept this wonderful gift. I'm sorry."
I would then end it there and see the response, but under no circumstances do I change my life for my friends because if you love me it would be OK if I am fat or that I smoke etc. I had a ton of people wanting me to quit smoking and guess what I did in 1996 when no one was on my butt about it. I still have friends that smoke I still love them, I just ask that you please don't smoke in my house or my van. I can go sit outside while they smoke. This is an excellent post Thank You.
2 people like this
@mummymo (23706)
•
1 Apr 09
My gut reaction is that I would tell them to go fornicate all alone! I cannot imagine any of my friends putting conditions on anything they wanted to give me but if they did I know it would be something that I wanted to change and they would be trying to support me so maybe I would go along with it! I would never agree to something I didn't want to just to get the money though - not my style at all! xxx
1 person likes this
@elemental69 (1561)
• Ireland
31 Mar 09
There wouldnt be enough money in the world for me to give up my individuality. As tempting as it may be I would most definitely tell them to shove it where the sun dont shine! I am who I am and if the person with the money didnt like that then they have have to be around me. :-)
@nanajanet (4436)
• United States
31 Mar 09
Well, maybe a friend cares a lot and is willing to try a bribe to get a person to stop doing something that is harmful to them. I can understand that, but then I would not call it a gift but say it is what it is, a bribe.
A gift is just for love.
2 people like this
@guybrush (4658)
• Australia
8 Apr 09
No, I would never be bribed to do something - especially not for money, which means very little to me. I don't like being controlled, and I don't like being dictated to. If I had bad habits, I would have to want to give them up for myself, not to please another person. I definitely think someone who made an offer like this is a control freak - and I would never pander to their egos.
1 person likes this
@snowcat46 (2322)
• United States
6 Apr 09
For a small amount of money, I don't think it's any more than a gift. But people tend to take advantage of someone who's come into money. If you were to win the lottery, you'd find you have so many friends you never even met!! I know I would. And if they were to ask me for money, I'd make stipulations.
If someone were to offer me money, but I'd have to do something, then they can take a hike. But if they want my money, yeah, I'd want something in return. I see too many people who spend their money like there's no tomorrow. They have to have brand name jeans, the best shirts, eat out every day, drive fancy cars, but they want to borrow money all the time. I say no. They can cut back or give something up before I'll loan them anything. Why should I have to go without so they can keep their brand new car?
A gift is just a gift. There shouldn't be strings with a gift. Ever. Or it's not a gift.
@deejean06 (1952)
• United States
1 Apr 09
Hi twoey...money usually comes with strings as we have seen by the bailouts recently. If someone gives you money they expect certain behavior. Very few people give without expecting something in return.
@mtdewgurl74 (18151)
• United States
1 Apr 09
Well, I would think it a bit controlling,I know some would think that they only had our best interest at heart but what is to say that we could keep with the bargain or not gain it back or start smoking,get pregnant and Eada Eada..It would also be a difference in who was asking it also. I mean a parent to a young teen would be different then as a adult. I would also ask first what would they be willing to change about themselves as well..getting money would be motivating to alot of people. Especially if they need a new car,down payment on house,pay for school tuition or starting a business. But I can't follow things or stay motivated for long on thing and I wouldn't want to be controlled like that. Once they get that control no telling how many other stipulations they would be adding on before it was over..or you gave up..
1 person likes this
@jillmalitz (5131)
• United States
1 Apr 09
I can remember bribing my children to clean their rooms or do something. Sometimes that was the only way to get them to move was either getting something like money or a "prize". But as they grew older they learned that they had to do things because it was right not for payment. But some people can only relate to "what is in it for me". Some people have no will power and a bride would encourage them to try harder. But it still goes back to how bad we want things.
1 person likes this
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
1 Apr 09
A gift is not a gift if it has conditions. I wouldn't accept either because if the requirement was to change something about myself it could not be done if I attempted to do for it somebody else anyway. Change is a difficult thing and you know the old adage’” you’ve got to want to change"? Personal transformation has to start within besides what kind of friend would impose such conditions before giving you a gift?
1 person likes this
@nadooa247 (1096)
• United States
1 Apr 09
well it depends... if the condition is to get hitched... then it's not a bribe it's a wedding gift and what a nice way to help pay off those wedding bills lol...
however, if it is like don't have kids, or get divorced.. something that is personal... then yes i would tell them to kiss my backside! it depends i suppose in my opinion.
1 person likes this
@uicbear (1900)
• United States
1 Apr 09
I don't know how I'd respond. $10000 is alot of money, and I could really use it right now. It might depend if it was something I wanted to do anyway, like say lose 10 pounds. I think it would upset me more if it was a good friend, someone that I thought accepted me the way that I am. I think I might be a little put off, but I could get over it. And at the very least, it would show you what kind of person your "friend" really is.
1 person likes this
@billgatexp (912)
• United States
1 Apr 09
i believe when a friend tells you to quit smokig before he gives you something, i think he is just trying to help you quit a habit that he dislikes and i wont call that a bribe or a gift but sometimes bribes comes as a result of wanting somene to give you something before you can do something for that person but a gift is freewill.
