Conflicting ideas of My mother and soon-to-be-wife

sinnedsejatnom you mom had no business making promises'like'that as it is not her wedding. your girlfriend is the only one who has the right to pick her own bridesmaids. tell mom to butt the heck out as she overstepped her rights completely.also tell your girlfriend to grow up and not make you choose between her and your mom. as a solution can be found surely. boy talk about a tough situation. your mom has put you in a real spot.maybe your dad could talk her out of this or you could talk your girlfriend into using this young lady as a maid of honor or some such thing. wish I had more ideas to help you but I dont. someone has to give in and your girlfriend cannot blame you, maybe you should just elope he he hehe he

Just wait till you get married, it will be worst (just kidding). Just make some compromise, mothers or parents do that sometimes, in-laws make it even more. If not, just stick to your plans coz in the end it will be you and your wife will share the same room. And you do not want that this scenario will be your first biggest first as a married couple.

If I were your girlfriend I sure as hell wouldn't want some random chick being one of my bridesmaids!! She should be able to choose those women on her own, your mother had no right no to ask this girl to do that, and she shouldn't expect your girlfriend to just go along with it, that is so weird to me!! You need to stick with your girl on this one and just tell your mom sorry!!

That is a very hard situation on your part. What if you just talk to the girl your mom wants to include in your wedding and ask her if she can just back out. Tell her also that she doesn't know anyone in the members of the entourage (bridesmaid) and that you don't want her to be out of place during the wedding since all bridesmaid are very close to your bride. I really hope you find a better solution without hurting your mom and bride. I also would like to take this opportunity to remind you that I think more conflicting situations between your mom and future wife will come your way since no one would like to give way for a very simple problem like this. happy myloting.

I got married two years ago. We had the wedding and all of the guests and coordinated everything. Yes it was fun, but I don't want to ever have another wedding again. I would have been ok going to Vegas. No hassles, it is just done and you can start enjoying married life. So I suggest you elope.

Well that is a no win situation on your part. It was wrong of your mom to invite and " approve" the girl to be in your wedding. Although it is perfectly acceptable for her to suggest to your bride to be who she feels shpuld be in the entourage, to make such a decision with out consent is rude and disrespectful. I think that your best way out of this is to, talk to the "girl" that your mom included and ask her to back out. Then talk with both your mom and fiance and let them no of what you have done and make it clear to your mom that although you both love her and would like her opinion it is not her place to plan and approve the wedding entourage. Your bride to be will be encouraged and greatful that you were willing to take her side and correct your mother and both parties will respect you more in the long run. Anyway congrats on your wedding and I hope everything goes according to plan and you two have a long and happy life together.

No win situation there! I think maybe you should go to the girl and ask her to please bow out gracefully. If she is truly a friend the last thing she will want to do is cause you problems. This way your wife is happy, as she should be, and mom cannot be too mad at you. Mom should not have done that in the first place.

Sounds like they are both being stubborn and selfish. This is your wedding too how do you feel about this what do you want? Is this girl close to you? Is this girl someone who you would want in your wedding? Your mom had no right to ask the girl to be in the wedding without talking to you or your fiance. On the other hand the wedding party both men and women should reflect people that you both care about. All of the bridesmaids do not have to be friends of the bride, they can be friends or family of yours too, and same goes for the groomsman, they could be friends or family of hers. Ask your fiance if this is really worth upsetting your mother over, and does she want to start her marriage to you not getting a long with your mom? Seriously it this is such a petty thing to argue about. Believe me you don't want your wife and your mom to not get along and if you don't draw a firm line now you will be in for years of bickering between them. This will rip you apart. I think the final decision here belongs to you. If you want this girl in your wedding then she should be if not or you don't think it is important enough to upset your fiance then you shouldn't. What ever you decide you need to be firm with both your fiance and your mother and tell them your decision. The only exception being if this girl was a former girl friend of yours then your girl friend is correct, if not you make the decision and firmly tell your mom and your fiance how you feel about this, this is your wedding too. I don't know your mother, but is unlikely that she would really miss your big day especially over something that she has no right over having a decision about, if you decide to not have the girl in your wedding you might want to save your mom the embarrassment and call her yourself, and explain that your wedding party was already decided by you and your fiancee before your mom called her and that there was a miscommunication and you are very sorry. If you decide to have the girl in your wedding and she was not an ex girl friend if your girl friend would refuse to marry you over something so trivial then do you really want to be married to someone like that. What ever you decide you need to really try and get your mother and your fiance to get along. A wedding is one day, you do not want a life time of the two of them fighting. Draw the line and draw it hard. I wish you the best.

My husband and I recently got married. My mother in law did a lot to help us plan, but she asked before hand or atleast informed of us all she was doing. We had control over who we wanted our wedding party to be, though she did give her opinion when it came to some of the people we had wanted to be in the wedding party. What I am about to say you may not like, but I want to say I do not mean to offend you. Your mother should not have offered the "girl" to be the bridesmaid without first talking to you and your fiance. Now if she had and this was at first agreed upon that is a different story, but it sounds to me as if she called and asked the girl and her parents without asking you or your fiance. This is a day for you and your fiance to remember, be proud of and feel special about... I hope you don't have to choose between the two but I'd lay it right out to them both whilst in the same room. Tell them how much you love them both, but decide who you feel is right, and who's wrong... This is going to be a tough situation but just try to grin and bear through it, and hopefully one will lament.

It is NOT your mother's wedding! She could suggest things, but it is not her ultimate decision as to who should be in the wedding. She was wrong in contacting the girl to ask her if she could be in the wedding as a bridesmaid. She should have talked to your fiance about it. If your mother and your future wife are having conflicts now, it will only get worse when you get married if you don't get it straightened out now. You should let your mother know that her suggestions are appreciated, but that you don't want her TELLING you what to do now or in the future. Would your mother really miss her son's wedding because things didn't go her way? I bet not. I would hope that it is just a threat to get things to go her way. You should not have to pick between your mother and your girlfriend. Do not let either one of them run over you. Big mistake if you do! Best wishes!

What a big problem you got there my friend. Actually I was married too and it is really true that bridesmaids should be a close friend of the bride who is there to assist her in whatever she needs during her special moments. But as what you have mentioned, the girl was once had a part (memory) of you?? woohoo, no wonder your fiance would never want her to be part of her entourage even if your mom wanted her so much, but the point is that you should try to understand your bride to be. Your mom should have asked you both permission for that since it was not your mom's wedding but you and your beloved. It would really create a big conflict since you said that both have their own conditions and your in between this two big rocks trying to squeeze you. I can only say one thing, you should support your bride's decision since you are her future, not your mom. If you still wanted to include the girl, tell your mom that you and your bride to be, decided to place her into the list of principal sponsors, but not on the secondary sponsors which is the bride's entourage. So that your mom will not also be humiliated because of her eagerness to include this girl on the plan. And your bride would not feel aloof since she would not like to see that girl on her bride's maid list.

I feel sorry for you, because whichever you choose or side with will be brought up by the other everytime,for a long-long time! My advice, run! Just kidding. You could just ask the girl, if she really does want to be in the entourage; she may not want to be in it in the first place. That would make it easier.