Am I a horrible person for being glad my friend's broke off their engagement?
By cripfemme
@cripfemme (7698)
United States
February 16, 2010 4:38pm CST
I hope not because if you say yes then I am. I have these two friends who really, honestly love each other in my opinion. However, I think that they need to be a little more grown up before they get married and two really ready to deal with the fact that neither of them is monogamous by nature. This is fine. A lot of people are poly and married. They just have rules. I think my friends would get along much better if they just dealt with the reality that everyone else can see and admit that they're not designed for monogamy. Some people aren't. That's fine as long as you know who you are and are honest about it. So, what's the verdict? Am I horrible?
3 people like this
13 responses
@jesssp (2712)
• Canada
17 Feb 10
Naw, you're not horrible - you're just normal! It sounds like breaking off their engagement was probably in their best interest and being relieved that it happened is definitely the right way for you to feel. And at least this way you never had to be 'that' friend and tell them what you thought about their relationship/engagement. It would have been much worse if they went through with the wedding just to have it end in divorce a few short years (or months) later.
1 person likes this
@blummus (451)
• United States
17 Feb 10
You aren't horrible, and if they broke up on their own, then it's probably a good thing they did. As you've said, polyamorous relationships and marriages can work as long as all the parties are clear on the rules before the legal and/or religious bonds are made. Now, I hope you can be a real friend to both of them and help them understand what they need to know before pairing up again. All the best in your endeavor.
1 person likes this
@mddbigballa22 (152)
• United States
16 Feb 10
Of course not! Its good that you are honest and want the best for your friends and their well-being!
1 person likes this
@churchill1980 (764)
• Philippines
23 Feb 10
i think what you want is the best for your friends and it is not horrible to think that way. it is normal that we care for them and think what's best for their future. and you are just doing that part.
@sudiptacallingu (10879)
• India
17 Feb 10
No you are not horrible…in fact I think you are more of a true friend than most of us have around us. It takes a lot of strength to call a spade a spade and continue with the friendship…you’ve gone ahead and done the best for your friends and yes, sometimes people should just wait for a little bit of maturity before they plunge into a relation. I just hope that your friends take your advise in the right spirit and your friendship stays for long
@danishcanadian (28953)
• Canada
17 Feb 10
You're not a horrible person at all. They may have saved themselves from making a terrible mistake. Don't think of it as a horrible thing to be happy that they broke it off, just think of it as you being happy that they decided to grow up a little bit, before taking such an "adult" step.
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
17 Feb 10
If you could see that their marriage would end quickly . or that they weren't marriage material then you aren't horrible. But if they were to have a open marriage and they didn't marry , then you are a little horrible.I hope they can remain a couple.
@syankee525 (6261)
• United States
17 Feb 10
you are just being real that what's matter. if a close frined is about to get married and they arent ready to do so, i would be real
@LetranKnight25 (33121)
• Philippines
17 Feb 10
Hello Cripfemme,
If you are a good and prefer to be the happiness of your friend then i don't think there's nothing wrong about it because you may have given this person advice and probably that person didn't listen. wait a minute, monogamy? there's nothing wrong that better than the ply style of marriage, imagine hubby or wife ha a lot of his/her head about their partners.
@kaylachan (59747)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
17 Feb 10
There is nothing wrong with how you feel, but in the end the decision isn't yours to make. You may not feel they are ready for such a big leap, but that doesn't mean they don't agree. Or, maybe they do. But, regardless of this fact, that does not make you a horrible person. If they did go through with it, and you didn't respect that, then that's different. But, maybe they're seeing what you saw all along. So regardless of the choices they make, try and be happy for them.
@ireneomiralles (38)
• Philippines
17 Feb 10
Well, you are not horrible, you just have the right instinct. It's good for them to separate as they are yet immature. Because relationship, esp. marriage, is a commitment, not only feeling, but a lifetime commitment. It's no joke to play with someone's emotions. If they are a little bit older and mature, they realized that marriage is really commitment to each other, to God and to the community.
