Putting your life on hold for somebody else

I put my whole life on hold to raise my children. Not that I had much of a life to begin with.. I didn't have a career or anything like that, but I did hold down a job, make my own money, and had friends and socialized. When the twins came I had to put all that on hold. I couldn't afford child care for twins... had they been 1 child I had people lined up to help out with child care so I could work, then I'd have money for evening sitters for a social life. But 2 babies made it too hard, so I stopped working and we lost a lot of money and life just wasn't the same. I hoped to go back to work when the twins got a little older... but then I had a couple more kids (sigh). I do look forward to the day I can go back to working. I miss it. Sometimes I feel like taking care of my family is the only life I have. I have few friends because I don't get out often enough. Being a stay at home mom is not easy, and I'm not the type of woman who can feel completely fulfilled by just taking care of my kids, you know. Not that I don't love them.. I just need a bit of a life outside of them. I've been counting down the days until my youngest enters school from the moment I found out I was pregnant with him!

I have put my life on hold for the past two years, ever since my mother was diagnosed with liver cancer. I am feeling the effects of putting my life on hold just to take care of my mother because I cannot work, nor can I do anything for my personal life. My partner has been asking me to live with him, dropping subtle hints for the past six months. But I tell him that I can't leave my mother because no one will take care of her. I just cry at night when I think of this. But I just can't leave my mother behind. I feel worthless because I cannot work and I have to provide for myself. My brothers who work and live abroad don't seem to mind that I am worse than a maid. Maids here at least earn P3000 a months (around $70), but they seem to think that I still need to pay for my board and lodging even if I cannot work. My mother, who is the cause of all of this, thinks the same too and is insisting that I pay for the phone and internet. Even if she knows that I cannot work. That's why I keep pushing myself to earn online so that I can have money to pay for the internet and phone, plus a little extra for my personal needs. When people put their lives on hold, for sure they lose themselves in the process. I don't see anything to gain from this, aside from the praise that I am a good daughter. But these praises will not give you anything or help you get yourself back.

yup.doing that right now with mom. she's pretty much helpless without me tho,and i sure wouldn't leave her to the other nuts off the tree. i don't mind in her case tho,even tho she's trying on occasion.

I already did the divorce thing.. about 17 years ago. But 18 months ago my son had a wreck and I put my life on hold. I have lived in waiting rooms, hospital rooms with him and nursing homes. My life is really on hold until he gets better. Thankfully he is improving slowly and hopefully in the next couple of months he'll go to rehab.. I lost my whole life. I had just moved to Chicago and started a brand new life that was like an every day adventure. I also lost my jobs. I lost my vehicle since I could not maintain two vehicles. I chose to take care of his until he is better. Then I will figure out how to get another one...

Hi Dawn, I think it is difficult for me to leave my parent. So I guess, my entire life has been on hold. I keep hoping dad will realize someday. He does occasionally grudgingly admit my merits. But other than that, it is quite tough. I wouldnt like to lose him either. Partly because I do care for him, I recall all those happy childhood days with him. And partly out of fear about my relatives descending upon me. Life goes on. I dont know where it is leading to. :)

I am sorry to hear that it came to this. I had put my life on hold and today, i just decided enough is enough. Now it is my turn. And this i won't let go. Good Luck. TATA.

Yes I have That is why I stayed married to the person that I did for 21 Years I did not want the Children to live a bad Life because I left their Dad which was a good choice, as when we did split he left all the Debts to me

I put my life on hold for the sake of my son. I wanted to leave my former husband but my son was only 12 years old and I felt that he wouldn't be able to cope with the stress and unhappiness that my decision would cause. I held out for another four years, until he was old enough to understand and make his own decisions. Strangely enough, after I left he came to understand very quickly and has often said that he knew things weren't right at the time. He has been very supportive of my decision and has come to realise that although his Dad will always be his dad, he realises how unhappy I was

Hi dawnald, Sorry that you are going thru a rough time in your life right now. It sounds as if you are handling the situation really well. It is tough living in the house tho when you are splitting up....brace yourself. I did the same thing but it was for longer than a couple of months due to lack of money and lack of housing in the area. I have kids so yes, many times over the years I opted for what I thought was better for them as opposed to what I really wanted. Did I gain anything from it? Ya I guess I did. It felt good knowing that I was doing the right thing by them so I guess I gained some peace of mind. You have to follow your heart and do what is right for your kids and in the end it'll be what's right for you. It won't feel like you've lost a thing.

I was in a similar position as you after my husband was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I decided I could not put up with any more…It wasn’t the diagnosis but the horrible things he put me through during his psychotic episodes. Anyway, I made the decision but decided to wait for my daughter’s sake until I found a job. We were promised counselling by his doctor and that is what saved us I think. I’m glad now that I’m still here and I am guessing that is how it was meant to be for us. I do know that amongst all this there was a time when things were very much on hold and I didn’t know if I was coming or going and it was not the best place to be. It does get better because matters can’t stay at a standstill forever...

Oh yes..I have. I actually regretted it later. I stayed in a relationship once for the children and kept everything very hush hush. The problem was when it was time....the ex got the chance to make me the "bad guy". It took a long time for my children to understand. They were blind sided. I guess they knew things weren't perfect but they didn't realize there was going to be such a big change. Once it was realized, it happened very fast versus them having time to become adjusted to the idea of it. They eventually did understand and thank goodness our relationship wasn't damaged for long but my oldest daughter really had a rough time with the change. I felt like if I had expressed my unhappiness from the beginning and why I felt that way..it would have been easier for me and my children in the long run. No ones situation is the same and it certainly does me no good to dwell on it but I do wish I had handeled it in a different way.

I am also putting my life on hold for a person who has betrayed me not once but thrice.It is none other than my husband who has lied to me regarding his financial status and education.He dumped my jewelery and bought shares ,which yielded nothing ,without my knowledge.Still i have to live with that person for the sake of my son who is too small to understand the turmoil i am in. I want to start everyday with new approach but at the end of day it is the same feeling of seclusion and loneliness hovering over me.

I feel ashamed...my girlfriend's life is like in a suspended animation...it's on hold because of me...She is waiting for me to finish college so we could start our life together... I love her so much that I feel so ashamed that I have to keep her waiting. I can't be with her if I can't finish college because I want to give her a better future

Divorce is really hard for the children. I should know, my parents separated (our country still hasn't legalized divorce) and I really felt lost. But looking back, I felt really relieved when they finally separated. It was harder for me to see them at their worst when I know they could be better people if they could only go past their relationship woes. Dearra will later realize that. I did. Then, I just wanted to know the real reasons and not be kept in the dark. I sensed something was wrong, but our culture is not that emotionally open for children. Children just have to watch adults decide about everything. I think it would help if she gets an explanation--when you are both ready to give it to her. Life on hold. Thankfully my parents are really understanding after they got over their own bitterness. I have a trivial 'on hold' incident though. Back in high school, a friend of mine had a crush in my classmate. The guy started making friends with me and later on tried to ask me out. But my friend liked him so I said no. Even after my friend found someone else I still did not go out with him. I started to like him but felt too weird about us being together. Sorry that was really trivial compared to yours, but there you have it...

I'm so sorry dawnald that you are going through such a rough time....I've felt that way but not so much for family but I let a friend stay here until he found a new place to move into and I felt like my life was re-arranged with him staying here for a couple of weeks and even now the odd time people are still calling hear for him....Hugzzzzz....

Dawn, I really don't know what to say, except that I am truly sorry. I guess that if this is the decision that you have finally come to there is a good reason for it. I have never been in this type of situation and don't envy you at all. The fact that you have 3 children to deal with who are going to have to somehow fit into this someway and try to understand this I don't envy you at all. All I can say to you is that all your friends are here for you, no matter what, no questions asked, anytime for anything you need and know that we love you and you can count on us~ Sending you lots of love and prayers always, Opal/Leslie

I have found that when life is not moving as fast or in the direction I want it to go, it's best to take a step back and look for the lessons I need to learn. When I review the whole situation in the future I have been able to see that the blocks were placed by me and for good reason. In reality no one is in charge of your life but you. If you did not consider your children you would be a different person than you are. So accept this as part of yourself and stay strong. At the same time stay open to the lessons. Blessings

It seems that putting my life on hold for others is a nasty old habit of mine. It is one that I am trying to break. I have been in the same cycle of the same type of men, the same habits, everything the same. The reason behind this is simple, I know. While everything around me changes, things become more chaotic, but I always know that I will not change. I am the same person with the same habits, same tastes, etc. This is wrong. I am trying now to change certain things about me, hoping to try to break the cycle. Change scares me more than anything, but I am learning to embrace and go with the flow. Your daughter may have a hard time at first, but I know that eventually things will settle down. You guys will again get into a routine. Things will be different, but at least they will be stable. Your daughter will be ok with the split. It just might take her a little longer than most other people would to adjust.

Just pursue your freedom if you think it rally takes enjoyment to you .I inspire you for your bravery to stop a marriage ,can't you care your children ?how can you explain it to your parents and friends.life can't be perfect as you want ,maybe many of us are living a life on hold for somebody,but it is not too bad

i put my life on hold for my child,my husband ,and also my now work. i must work to earn money to bring up my kid and myself.