NO Savings. No marriage. No plans. OMG!!
By tess_quinain
@tess_quinain (1149)
Philippines
August 6, 2010 3:24am CST
I asked my boyfriend for the first time if he's ready to get married with me but he said no. I asked again after a year if he's ready to settle down with me but again he said.. he doesn't have enough money. Once again, i asked him if He has saved enough money for us but he replied; nope. even a penny. OMG! Do you think he has plans for me or for us? But at that time, I understood him.
Recently, i asked again if he's saving up some money for our future but then again.. not yet..at this time.. i cried and said.. do we have a direction in this relationship? It has been five years!
What would I do in this relationship? I feel like losing interest on him. One more thing, he's been busy these days.. soooo busy that adds my bad feelings towards him.
Huhuhuhu.....I'm not getting any younger now.
11 people like this
40 responses
@astreadido (608)
• Philippines
6 Aug 10
Maybe you can have a heart-to-heart talk with him and tell him frankly that you seriously want to settle down in the near future. Ask him if he doesn't even feel or even thought about it happening, because if not, he might as well give you up and let you find someone who will love and marry you.
1 person likes this
@tess_quinain (1149)
• Philippines
6 Aug 10
oh my.. if he is gonna do that like giving me up and letting me to find someoneelse.. I'm gonna hate him forever!! think should talk to him again and again.
@Mitraa (3184)
• India
6 Aug 10
It is not easy to save money in to-day's increasing consumerism! Also, inflation is getting more accute day by day. Your boyfriend may be having hard times to save money for both of you. So he is not ready to settle the marriage. Marriage is not a simple work to be executed by wishing only! As observed, married couples even go their separate ways due to post marital tensions on various grounds. It is now better for both of you to help each other by understanding more each other's mind. Both of you enjoy your friendship and love with a good sense of responsibility right now. He will ask you to marry him as his responsibility over your relationship over the years!!
Thanks and wish your marriage in this 2010!!
@BStuff (495)
• United States
6 Aug 10
How old are you? If your under 30 I'd say slow down. I mean in your 20s you both will change. I dated a guy from the time I was 14 until 22 before I realized he wasnt the one for me. We both changed so much that we lost touch of what we loved in each other. Thank god we didnt get married at 18 like we almost did. And even better that we didnt bring any children into the relationship. We're still good friends we just arent in love anymore. We deserve to be in love with who we want. I don't plan on settling down until I'm at least 30. I like my independence and building my career.
Good luck, but do whats best for you and if you push him into something that could be bad. He might end up resenting you for it later in life.
1 person likes this
@tweetbird (161)
• United States
6 Aug 10
At least he's being honest with you about his financial situation and his position. Sounds like you have some important decisions to make.
@Chaos_Zer0 (11)
• United States
6 Aug 10
If you have to ask more than once, there's a problem right there. If he really wanted to marry you, he would pop the question. Constantly asking isn't going to get anything done and he probably feels like your pressuring him into it.
1 person likes this
@OrangJuice (687)
• China
6 Aug 10
Hi, Tess, it doesn't sound so good.
But I agree with the 1st floor, you need a candid talk with your boyfriend, after all, 5 years is not a short period for both of you. I believe he loves you and cares of your feelings. Let him know your true thoughts and you're serious on this problem.
You know, some men don't like to talk about money with girlfriends as they don't like materials girls - Of course, I don't mean you're a material girl, but we cannot control other's mind. You should catch his true ideas on it.
Anyway, hope you get a satisfied answer
@OrangJuice (687)
• China
6 Aug 10
I'm so sorry to hear that. But if you're sure that you're not fit for each other. Maybe it's time to be apart.
However, what's your boyfriend's opinion on it? If he won't be apart with you, I think he should do something to keep your relationship, but if he doesn't, it's really a big problem.
Anyway, don't say you're not young - because I think every girl is special and she has her own blessed love.
@tess_quinain (1149)
• Philippines
6 Aug 10
I did talk to him heart to heart. We even split up for a short time for that reason. But we got back again. Now, i'm facing same problem as before. I am so confused about him.
@SomeCowgirl (32191)
• United States
6 Aug 10
I would access the situation, you know him better then anyone here, and probably better then friends and family of the two of you. Do you think he just has a problem saving money, money management could be causing him to not save money up. I think questions I would ask him is if he loves you and does want to marry you, and if he says yes then I'd ask why he hasn't started saving money, and what is stopping him.
At the same time I have a question for you, are you not saving for the marriage also? My husband and I both did things to help save for our wedding.
@tess_quinain (1149)
• Philippines
6 Aug 10
Hello, somecowgirl.. i am saving money for us.. I even forced him to open an account. But it didn't work. He didn't save any money there. Worst, he chose to close his account. I was really upset.
Thanks.
@RaiscaraAvalon (250)
• United States
11 Aug 10
A man only does what he wants to honey. Sure, give him the chance to discuss the issues you are having in the relationship, but be prepared to walk. He could have some important reasons for delaying things, but from the looks of things, it could very well be time to look for someone more in line with what you want in YOUR future.
@tess_quinain (1149)
• Philippines
13 Aug 10
He doesn't want to talk. He said he was too busy. I have decided already. I think i have to focus on my career and make plans for myself first. I broke up with him. I don't know if i can control my emotions not to be bothered by this break up thing.
I jot down all my plans for myself only. Erasing the part with him.
I am so sad. But life must go on.
Thank you guys for advising.
@lealuvy2j (1986)
• Philippines
6 Aug 10
Unfortunately, based on his actions, I think he really does not want to plan a family with you but I suggest that before having that heart to heart talk with him, I want to ask you if you yourself has saved anything for your future? Because before considering your future with him, you have to seriously consider your own future first. You must not rely the whole planning process on him. If you have money saved up on your own, try to talk to him and tell him all that you are feeling. If he seems aloof about it, I truly suggest that you consider leaving him and instead envision building a future with another person.
@tess_quinain (1149)
• Philippines
6 Aug 10
yeah right..lealuvy2j.. if he seems aloof about it again, i would leave him..
thank you.
@goldenrose2 (281)
• India
6 Aug 10
The living cost is increased so much that it is very difficult to live in with a lesser earning. So, we must need a proper planning or budget to continue our family or to establish our family. In this case, it is not the only duty for men or husband, it is the duty of women and wives also. Because family is for both, it is not for any one.
Be responsible, make your family happier.
@LingXX0103 (151)
• China
6 Aug 10
enough money?how much is it?
Yes,enough is important for married life.
Do you know whether he is saving money recently?
You should have a good talk,then find a solution together.
Good luck.
@goldenrose2 (281)
• India
6 Aug 10
Wow. what an short answer !!
what do you mean by enough money, tess_quinain? There is no word of enough. Just we have to make or arrange our family as per our family income only. And we try to be happy with any type of earning.
talk to him about the problem seriously and decide what you can do for your future.
@jamuls (530)
• Philippines
6 Aug 10
my girlfriend and i are already on our 6th year... we haven't talked about marriage yet. same as your boyfriend, i've got no plans yet and no savings. you see, my girl is leaving for the U.S this February. i don't know when she'll be back or if she's ever coming back. maybe in 2-3 years but a lot can happen in that span of time. i did however asked her about marriage way way back and she told me she still has so many plans. after that, i don't bother anymore. she'll be 26 this November and i'll be 31 this August, maybe that's why marriage's not an issue... yet.
talk with him and tell him what you feel. if he starts this "im not good enough" thing or "it would be better if he let you go" then dump him asap. he's not good enough for you... good luck to you.
1 person likes this
@parrot2010 (813)
•
6 Aug 10
Looks like your boyfriend is too lazy to save some money. But he's right marriage may need quite a big sum of money because you two may decide to have kids and you need to get diapers and things lol. Why do you want to marry? You've been together for so long without needing to get married. People have different reasons so what's your reason to get married? He probably doesn't want to get married because he thinks there is no need as it's just a signed piece of paper at the end of the day and he doesn't want to have a hurting from all of it. These are just suggestions though, not what he definately thinks. mYou know your boyfriend more than us ;)
1 person likes this
@34momma (13882)
• United States
16 Aug 10
if he was serious about having a relationship with you then putting $5 or $50 a month away for the future should not be something that is so hard. i would say he is not interested in long term with you. it has been 5 years. don't you want to be with someone who wants a future? someone who thinks putting a few bucks aways is something that is important? i know i would!
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
13 Aug 10
Why should he marry you? He has everything he wants now and he is having no commitment or responsibility. He is having a great time. The problem is he does not care about you or your thoughts and ideas and plans for the future. I think deep down you know the truth but for some reason you are wanting to be the victim.
This is not how a guy expresses his love for you and this is not how a woman shows her love either...you don't care enough about yourself. He has no problem with things as they are but you do. This is the problem and he is growing tired of your questions and misery.
Sadly, some men are like this. Hope you find your TRUE love soon.
@dodo19 (47133)
• Beaconsfield, Quebec
10 Aug 10
Well, I think that something that you should do is actually sit down with him and actually talk about how you guys feel. Just try and see where you guys are both are. I don't think that it would hurt for you to do so. If you both feel that you can, it might not hurt to make some kind of a plan. Or at very least sit down, have a nice talk, and just take it from there.
@ifa225 (14364)
• Indonesia
29 Nov 10
i am so sorry to hear it. but it is better to late than never. this matter show that he is not really serious about marriage and stuff. maybe he won't get toward in to that. u will have much problem in the future if u both get married later. so u better find another one.
@nangisha (3496)
• Indonesia
16 Aug 10
Hi Tess!.
I think your man have a commitment problem. You both been together for five year so its common if you wanna married with him.
But he is not saving at all even for himself, Gees you will have many trouble with man who can not manage money.
I think if you wanna married with him its seem you had pay the wedding yourself 
.
.
@carsocmaguinsay (417)
• Philippines
6 Aug 10
Oh tess! that is really a big NO NO. Plan a date with him and it must not just be a simple date but you need to talk it over. Explain to him that you need security and you have future plans. You need to make it clear to him. If you think he really doesn't want marriage even in 5 years from now, sad to say that you must put an end to your relationship. It is getting no where and if he doesn't want to spend his whole life with you, i think he doesn't love that much. The reason of marriage is to legalize your commitments. If his problem is financial, then that can be understood. Sorry, I'm beginning to wonder if he really wants to settle down with you.
@tess_quinain (1149)
• Philippines
6 Aug 10
yeah right.. carsocmaguinsay..our relationship isn't working anymore. Huh.
Thank you for the comment.
