I tell the truth and was hated for it
By kyss_smyle
@kyss_smyle (166)
Philippines
October 4, 2010 8:15am CST
Our conflict with my brother-in-law was not solved. My attention was glued to helping my mother preparing the necessary documents needed for my father's death. I also need to comfort my mother and help her cope up with the loss. Last night, while I was with my mother, our house helper called asking me to go home because my husband and my brother-in-law were (again) fighting.
When I arrived home, I learned that my husband got mad after hearing the comment of his brother's live in partner. The comment was against us. My husband was mad when he confronted her telling her that she does not have the right to make a comment. The exchange of painful words continue until my brother-in-law talked about our last fight (when we stayed out late to work while we left our kids under the care of a baby sitter); I was not able to stop myself from saying, "If I stayed out late at night, at least I was out to earn money for my children unlike (name of his live-in partner)who left her daughter for you!"
The family tried not to talk about her background. She was married with one daughter but she left her family when she met my brother-in-law. My in-laws does not favor their relationship but they could not afford to lose their youngest son so they decided to stay blinded and deaf about the situation. When I uttered those lines to defend myself, it was as if I committed the biggest mistake of all. My brother-in-law walked out and my mother-in-law confronted me about it. Now I felt I made the biggest mistake for reminding them about the truth.
3 people like this
8 responses
@jaiho2009 (39142)
• Philippines
4 Oct 10
Well,as the saying always goes,truth hurts.
I don't say that you are right for saying those words,but i can't blame you either.
The problem is,they are hurt by your words,but they never knew how much they hurt you too.
And that is the reason why you uttered such words to release your tension,and you are still in the verge of coping up losses and yet facing such situation.
Why people can't look at themselves first before judging the others.
I hope your problem will be resolved soon (but,i think it became worst)
I can say that,stand and fight for what is right,but be reasonable enough and be considerate too.
When you think they are doing the wrong things,never go down to their level,you can defend yourself and yet remained the level of professionalism.
@kyss_smyle (166)
• Philippines
5 Oct 10
Thank you for a comforting comment. At least somebody understood me.
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
4 Oct 10
It's sad that you had to go through such an ordeal. I know that you didn't mean to hurt or blurt out those words but there's just no stopping us once we're really ticked and have to defend ourselves.
However, I do understand that you did do something that was way out of line because these matters (the in laws) should be settled by the in laws and not by you. Don't get met wrong, I do think that the family is wrong for tolerating such an attitude just because they don't want to lose their youngest son. But these matter is something that the family should settle instead of the in law (that's you).
This type of situation is common. I have seen it and have been seeing it in the situation of my mother's family. They have been quarreling here and there because of involvement or problems with in laws. Yes, they're part of the family, but there are sensitive things that in laws should not involve themselves in.
Anyway, don't worry about it. Things would turn up better and I'm just hoping that you're not staying at the house of the in laws. Else, there will be a lot of awkward feeling these days.
Good luck and just let it go, this too shall pass.
1 person likes this
@kyss_smyle (166)
• Philippines
6 Oct 10
I do hope we live somewhere else. My problem is that when the house was foreclosed, my in-laws asked me to apply for a home mortgage in order to redeem it. Although they the monthly mortgages, it is still difficult for me to leave a house that's technically mine. Moreover, I cant apply for another home mortgage for our own.
1 person likes this
@piya84 (2581)
• India
4 Oct 10
You don’t know the whole story.do you?Do you know why she left her daughter and previous husband?There may be something really painful story and you used it as a weapon against her.No it wasn’t a good things you did.
By the way if you are guys are fighting a lot in this way the separate you homes so all this drama would end in one go and everyone will be able to live peacefully. Let each family take their own responsibility.
1 person likes this
@kyss_smyle (166)
• Philippines
5 Oct 10
I am married to my husband, she can't marry my husband's brother because technically she is still married to another man (more like adultery).
She came as a family friend. She was my brother-in-law's classmate in a nursing review center. As far as I know, she came to our place in order to attend the nursing review, but after having an affair with my brother-in-law, she went home for a month and then returned to stay with us... for good.
The relationship of my husband and his brother was fine until she came... this is because she is fond of making comments that ignite a fight between the two.
I am not sorry about my comment. It is now time to awaken them to the reality. If someone needs to leave then I'll let my in-laws decide. What do you think? Are they going to choose us to leave_ along with my three children (their grandchildren) or she will leave _ who was not even married to my brother-in-law?
@candyfairy21 (2039)
• Philippines
5 Oct 10
well darling the truth hurts and no matter how someone tries to cover up the truth it still would come out. It really is very hard to live in a common house as I presume you do. Quarrels just like that arises and it is very uncomfortable. I suggest living in a place of your own or live a couple of hours away would seem to be a good thing.
@kyss_smyle (166)
• Philippines
5 Oct 10
I guess you're right. I need to leave the place but the problem is... the house was once foreclosed, and my in-laws used my home mortgage account to redeem the house. I can't leave house that was technically mine.
@Mackenzie_jad228 (556)
• Philippines
4 Oct 10
Hi kyss_smyle. Me too sometime uttered words that should be kept, but due to anger I let it out not thinking that I could hurt these people. Even though that it's true we should sometimes think that it is better not to say this words no matter how angry we are with these people.
1 person likes this
@starlight_starbright (810)
• Philippines
4 Oct 10
Hi there!
I am so sorry to hear that. Perhaps you have gone overboard that all your family member reacted on it negatively. It was really below the belt attack since it was too personal and what you mentioned about is a very sensitive matter. I think you owe them an apology. Just try to stay calm next time so you won't blow up. ..
@kyss_smyle (166)
• Philippines
5 Oct 10
Thank you for the advice. However, I believe they owe me a bigger apology. Fifteen days ago, we had a big fight. I was out to train a team for a cheerdance competition (that's my part time job). My little child had tantrums so when I arrived, my meddling brother-in-law questioned my ability as a mother. The comment was uncalled for, although I tried to stay calm, I felt that he has no right to make such comment because his live-in partner was not perfect mother at all. I talked about this conflict in this link http://www.mylot.com/w/discussions/2403014.aspx
Now that my "being a mother" was questioned again, I could not help but remind him that before he make such a comment, he should look at his live-in partner first... simply because, if there's someone in the house whose motherhood should be questioned, it shouldn't be someone who does everything to earn for her kids (me) but the one who left her daughter and her husband to go with another guy.
@ethanonthemoon (1494)
• Quezon, Philippines
5 Oct 10
That's the reality of telling the truth. Though it is not always like that. Sometimes, by telling the truth, you are complimented about it.
@kodukodu84 (1569)
• Malaysia
5 Oct 10
I don't see why it is wrong to tell the truth. That's a truth, and yes it hurts. But it is better that it was you who said it, you are already a part of the family...they will feel hurts even more if it was said by their neighbours or their friends. You didn't start the fight, those brothers started without you being around. If they think you are bad because of saying the truth, what, so are they nice and kind to involve your life and personal thing in their argument behind your back. At the end of the day, they gotta face the truth, do something about it....yes and it takes somebody to remind them, doesn't matter who the person is.
