Is Facebook the place?
By TheRealDawn
@dawnald (85135)
Shingle Springs, California
May 20, 2011 4:53pm CST
Background story:
I have this cousin who claims to have discovered, in counseling, under hypnosis, that her father molested her. Well this caused quite a rift in the family. One sister totally took her side, one chose not to believe, and the third sister is someplace in the middle. The two older sisters are actually not speaking to one another over it.
I don't claim to know if this is true, but I do know that he treated my aunt very badly both before and after their divorce.
Fast forward to 2011:
The other day she posted something on Facebook blasting her father. She didn't bring up the abuse allegations or anything, but she did make a general comment about what he had done to her, her sisters and her mom, and she named him by name.
My response was "whoa - blast shields up". But then the comments came. First, her niece who said "gee thanks a lot, now my grampa isn't coming to my graduation." Then one of the older sisters came by and said that Facebook wasn't the place for that sort of thing and "shame on you". One aunt, her mom's sister, came by and stood by her, saying that she had seen how awful her dad was. And then the younger sister just commented elsewhere that, "today just shows why I like animals more than people."
So in the end I thought, well maybe her dad does deserve it, but then there are other people to be considered, such as the grandchildren. He has 5 grandchildren, and all of them are on Facebook, and they don't need to see that stuff.
The cousin who posted it is bi-polar btw.
So when do you really think too much is too much?
7 people like this
29 responses
@vandana7 (99367)
• India
21 May 11
Dawny .. from my situation, I understand the girl. Actually, she needs a lot of support from family. The more people antagonize her, or take a stand against her, the more she will become reactive and feel deserted, helpless, and shall we say "offensive". If only people acknowledge at home that she'd been wronged, and then try to help her out by trying to be more understanding with her, things would change for Dawny. As things stand, people dont like to accept such truths. So she feels on defensive there, even as a grown up. Even a cat reacts when cornered, so when sisters are taking such a stand against her, you dont expect her to react? We can expect her to take a step back, if and only if the other sisters also believe her, and everybody tries to be nice to her because she has been alone in that pain. It is also understandable that she is bipolar. I will say enough is enough when love heals her pain and there is repentence. As of now, I dont see any of it. If people were indeed feeling sorry for her, they would have admitted and sympathized. The matter would have stopped. In this case, even when the grandchildren are around, I dont mind. The fault according to me lies with the sisters who dont accept the truth. That is the place from where correction has to come.
2 people like this
@dawnald (85135)
• Shingle Springs, California
23 May 11
Many people do acknowledge it, but not alll....
@celticeagle (161083)
• Boise, Idaho
21 May 11
Too much is when it tumbles the entire family. I can see the hurt and anger in something like this. I can also see FB as a forum to bring out some things about such acts. But why use his name? That was ugly. And very mean. I also think that trauma and post traumatic stuff comes with denial, anger, rage, etc. And maybe FB is a good forum to get everybody rounded up for debate. But I am still having trouble with using his name blatantly on there. Alittle fanesse please!
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (161083)
• Boise, Idaho
23 May 11
Could have been done alot better.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (158294)
• United States
20 May 11
Facebook is not the place for many things that happen there anyway. I have an account, because I post my bzz there from being a bzzagent. I do not post much that is personal there. I am sorry that this is happening in your family.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (158294)
• United States
20 May 11
Yeah, all of my family uproar is fairly near me.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85135)
• Shingle Springs, California
20 May 11
My mom was originally from Georgia, so more than half the relatives are in the east...
@jillhill (37354)
• United States
21 May 11
I don't think the internet is the place to air your dirty laundry...it hits home to too many people. I don't care if she is bipolar....she should keep it in the family and not where others might be hurt by what she says....just my feelings...
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85135)
• Shingle Springs, California
23 May 11
yeah I think she should have kept it off of Facebook...
@katsmeow1213 (28717)
• United States
21 May 11
I have to agree. I think it's a bit on the trashy side.. no offense Dawn, I know this is family.. just my feelings.
1 person likes this
@mysdianait (66009)
• Italy
20 May 11
I didn't do anything with my FB account for this very reason.
There are so many family rifts offline without taking them online where even more distress can be caused. As you suggest, there are others to be considered, who have feelings too, in every family 
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85135)
• Shingle Springs, California
20 May 11
I actually sent that cousin an invite to a private site where she can vent all she wants. Let's see if she accepts!
@mysdianait (66009)
• Italy
20 May 11
If only she had known about that site sooner 
1 person likes this
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
21 May 11
Another reason to hate Facebook although I do not condone what the guy has claimed to have done. Facebook isn't the place for that kind of thing but it goes on all the time causing rifts that weren't there before.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85135)
• Shingle Springs, California
23 May 11
Yep, it sure does, and not necessarily where intended...
@mtdewgurl74 (18151)
• United States
24 May 11
Umm, in my opinion Facebook is great place to post alot of things..but that is a little to private situation and should have been put in a message for those she wanted to tell about it not for the world to see.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85135)
• Shingle Springs, California
31 May 11
Yeah, except some of the family members don't believe it...
@cream97 (29087)
• United States
21 May 11
Hi. dawnald. I can understand that your cousin is hurting from being molested. But seriously, Facebook is the not the appropriate place to air out her personal business or dirty laundry. I think that your cousin should attend family counseling and she should talk to her father about how she feels about him molesting her. I also feel that she posted this information onto Facebook, just so that she could hurt him and also hurt her other family members. If this did happen to her, all of her sisters should give her moral support. Not their halfway support either. She probably feels unaccepted because of how family members now look at her. This is a sad situation here and I feel that, everyone should try to come together and resolve the strain before it pulls this family apart. I am truly sorry that your cousin was molested by her own father.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85135)
• Shingle Springs, California
23 May 11
I kind of doubt that they will ever all come together. It's sad...
@friendship4lyfe (520)
• Saint Lucia
21 May 11
This is too much.Posting personal stuff on facebook isnt kool and about family?That definitely is too much.Facebook is a social network.I would feel betrayed if it was me...
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85135)
• Shingle Springs, California
23 May 11
it was her dad, and he wasn't happy about it, so I hear...
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
21 May 11
Oh dear! What a He*l! think that your cousin may be:
A tree short of a forrest
A light bulb short of a chandelier
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer
Thicker than a 2X4
A sandwich short of a picnic.
Whatever she is certain things remain in the family until investigated not put out in cyberspace. He may have been a bas*ard but this does not automatically make him a child molester.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85135)
• Shingle Springs, California
23 May 11
She's not all that sharp, true. He was a jerk to my aunt, but I don't know whether he was a child molester. I wouldn't count it out though.
@cableman67 (872)
• United States
21 May 11
I think these people need serious counseling! I mean; really, do you want every aspect of your life posted on the internet?
So many people try so hard to have a private life and enjoy what little freedom we have left that the government hasn't already taken over and then BAM "let's all go to facebook and tell our innermost sectets".
Now don't get me wrong, if something terrible has happened to someone it should be dealt with and the person or persons responsible punished for their crimes but facebook is not the place to start.
As a people we have used the media to get results when all other avenues have failed and a lot of people use the media to manipulate public response, but do you really want all your dirty laundry out there for everyone to see? In the long run, I think people will regret leaving themselves no privacy.
@dawnald (85135)
• Shingle Springs, California
23 May 11
some people seem to like being "out there" like that, but yeah I think they could end up regretting it.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
23 May 11
I can see where people want to use facebook as a way to vent. However, when the people that you are venting about are people that are either your friends on facebook or someone that your facebook friends talk to on a regular basis, I think that there are a lot of better ways to do this.
Yes, her dad might have molested her as a child. However, she doesn't need to bring her own children and/or nieces and nephews into it because it will forever jade their grandpa to them and that is not something that is right at all.
1 person likes this
@bounce58 (17387)
• Canada
23 May 11
I think FB is too much!
I see a lot of things in there that shouldn't be written publicly. Yours is just a typical example.
Some of the people on FB confuse the site with prayer, or confession, or the court. And they continue to write things that other people need not read.
@sedel1027 (17846)
• Cupertino, California
21 May 11
Anything too personal that you do not want the general public to know about, you should not post on facebook, If you wouldn't tell the girl checking you out at the grocery store, you shouldn't post it.
1 person likes this
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
21 May 11
If this Really happened , this is the least she can do. He is lucky she didn't leak his name address to a website for pedophiles!This was the only way she could vent. True Most people would just get on the phone with a good friend or email, I prefer email! but I assume she had had it with people not believing her . " Oh she is crazy!" So she blasted it all over FaceBook. Can you tell I am on her side ? I love this move. Now she can see who is in her corner, who is on the fence And she can dismiss the others who are against her!
1 person likes this
@jazel_juan (15747)
• Philippines
21 May 11
I have long since realized and based on experiences, not to post anything OR announce anything on facebook... funny stuff or just some witty stuff on status is ok but something so personal, i do not think so..and such stuff is a serious stuff..people will get affected and not just family..but almost everyone who is looking at your profile will know.
1 person likes this
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
21 May 11
To go that publicly with such controversy going on..well...that might have been a little over the top. I think that facebook can be a lot of fun, but it can be devaststing too if it is used in certain manners. I know that she probably feels very strong and hurt, but she is forgetting other people in her pain.
I am not on facebook that much at all. I very rarely even visit it. I see the potential it has and once I got an account..a ton of people I work with requested me. That made it, in my opinion, more professional than personal.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85135)
• Shingle Springs, California
23 May 11
I have a few work people on, but only the fun ones! Linkedin is for professional connections imho.
@much2say (54080)
• Los Angeles, California
21 May 11
Oh geez. Some people post such personal things on Facebook - TMI for me! I have one friend - I knew her when she was a kid - and later she became a teen mother with twins. She is Caucasian and her boyfriend at the time was Afro-American . . . the parents were not too happy about it. Fast forward, we found each on Facebook last year and she was a mother of a third with another Afro-American guy who was incarcerated. I take it my friend's father was not happy about it - she'd always post (in derogatory language) about "haters" and how he/they can go "f" off and blah blah blah. I loved that one of her aunts commented that she is a grown up now and first of all a lady shouldn't be using such foul language - especially a mom with kids. Last I heard she is had her 4th with this man - and things are still not cool with her folks. You know, I don't want to hear this stuff - not on FB anyway. I don't mind hearing updates - but not about the bad details and I certainly don't want to spew my garbage to the "my" public either.
Oh, and I have another friend with a hubby who's a lieutenant - always needing to travel year round and he's never home. Besides complaining about everything, my friend also is so close to spewing out info she's not supposed to disclose to anyone - like when he is leaving and where he is going to - the hints she leaves are too obvious. So much for his/their security!
Facebook is supposed to be entertaining - geez - not a place to pour out your guts about the issues in ones life!!
1 person likes this
@allknowing (130812)
• India
21 May 11
Even those who live next door will communicate through FB including washing dirty linen in public. Since many keep their wall open it is a free for all show. Your cousin could have opened a family group and have members on invitation. We have such a group where we are free to say what we want and only those who are in the group are able to read and share.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85135)
• Shingle Springs, California
23 May 11
yeah although in this case it was a family member who was targeted, and a family member (several) who was offended...
