I guess I will only eat once a day for awhile until I get paid
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
United States
December 22, 2011 12:12pm CST
So last night there was a family meeting. Apparently I am eating too much. No I'm not eating too much.. but that is the perception my son in law has because the freezer was empty of food.. actually it wasn't completely empty, it just didn't have all the stuff that goes with stuff.
Anyway, to make a long story short.. my money buys the groceries in this house. That's the arrangement here. SIL pays the rent (which I used to do), but when my SSDI got shorted $110 a month, I couldn't pay rent and go halves on the grocieries... so the deal was I pay for all the food and he pays the rent and the other bills plus of course he has his car and car insurance to pay... so granted, he has a lot on his plate.
Without going into EVERYTHING.. the meeting was that I was to eat my meals and not go for any snacks. I told him that I can't eat a lot due to the gastric bypass, but I sort of graze...I will snack on things because I do get hungry often.
He said he spent $425 of my money to buy food and the freezer was slap full and now it is empty almost. I tried to tell him that he filled up the fridge on one shelf with those onesies (those little entrees that were $1 each. He said they are a meal... I told them they were an entree and NOT a meal.. I said it's not a meal until you add some veggies and fruit and maybe a slice of bread with it... and he just ended the conversation as.. it's your job to pay for the food and it's not lasting... he said he doesn't have money to fill in where I fall short.
So.. now it's just a matter of principle... I'll just eat once a day.. at breakfast. I had 2 eggs and two pieces of toast and now I am drinking coffee with almond coffee creamer... and I'll have some more when I want something in my stomach.
Hell.. maybe I'll even lose some weight doing this. I'm not going to be blamed for the food disappearing.
I told him next month get 100 cans of Vienna sausages and that will last me more than a month.. I think he can get them for about 50 cents a can or less... I won't go in the freezer to get anything out.. they can eat that and if it disappears it won't be because of me!
If you think I'm mad, I'm really not.. but I am frustrated.
Your thoughts?
7 people like this
26 responses
@mr_pearl (5018)
• India
22 Dec 11
Good God... Does it really happen? I stay alone and right now I am staying at a nice place, where I need to pay Rs. 5000/- in advance and my landlord handles my stay, food, TV charges etc... I feel sorry for you lady...
I hope your online earnings go sky high and you could stay on your own.. Please don't let this affect your health.. You need to be stronger in such circumstances... Take care...
3 people like this
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
22 Dec 11
I'm just really ticked off a bit right now.. not at my SIL but at the situation... when I was doing the shopping I was told that I didn't get what others liked and so they said they could do better themselves... they said I let them down because we ran out of food.. so now we still run out of food and it is STILL my fault! I'm sick of it.
I might eat a ramen noodle or something later if I get hungry. I'm not going to eat up their precious food. Maybe I will have an egg and toast or something. I have plenty of eggs.
Last month he bought 4 loaves of bread to last a month... he said "I didn't even get one slice!" and I said "It was there! You could have had as much toast or bread that you wanted, but it would just sit there and mold.. so yes.. I ate 2 slices with my breakfast and I ate mayonnaise sandwiches when I was hungry and there was nothing else."
1 person likes this
@mr_pearl (5018)
• India
23 Dec 11
Oh God... I wish I could come to you and take you to my home... I can feed you, at least... I feel so sorry for you... I wish I could do something... I know your life has been quite troublesome, and now you are going without food! You are sacrifying your diet... I feel sorrry, Miss...
May God bring you a little peace...
@Robswife2006 (1208)
• United States
22 Dec 11
I think you have every right to be mad. Granted he does have a lot on his plate as you stated, but your also right when you said that those entrees were not a meal because honestly there not. Not unless you add stuff to them. The portions are very small & I know for a fact they would never fill me up. It's not good for you to eat only one meal a day, trust me you will not lose weight this way for one & in time it will effect your health. Does your SIL do all the food shopping? Perhaps you can go w/ him next time. Do you have an Aldi's store where you live? If your not big on name brands you can d do all your food shopping there. You can buy a lot more food there for a lot less money. My husband & I do all our shopping there. If you don't have an Aldi's store do you have a Sam's Club where you live? There's a yearly membership fee of like $45 I think, but again it's worth it. You can buy everything in bulk so that the food will last a lot longer. My Mother in Law swears by Sam's Club & does most of her shopping there. She saves a ton of money because the food lasts a lot longer, so she does less & less shopping. In any case eating one meal a day will not solve your problem but only add to it because trust me it will eventually effect your health.
2 people like this
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
22 Dec 11
Hi Robswife,
I wrote a whole big response and lost it… so I am now writing it in MS Word now so at least if it happens again I can copy it and paste it in. I hate when that happens. I am not really mad, but I am a bit hurt and frustrated. Go figure.. if my daughter and I are eating 2 onesies a day.. one for lunch and one for supper.. that is 4 a day being consumed.. and if you only bought 40 to begin with (4 batches of 10 for $10) it’s only going to last for 10 days.. it’s not going to last a month. I told him if he is going go buy those he needs to buy at least 120 of them just for Kim and i.. and whatever he plans to eat.. he buys lots of canned beef stew and Brunswick stew and other canned stuff like spaghetti and ravioli and stuff… he doesn’t seem to want me to cook meals, because he doesn’t always eat what I cook.. I might eat it and then it gets thrown out after no one else eats it… so we have gravitated to self serve around here.
I think I will go to the grocery store with them and get a cart to just get what I want. I will give them their $500 limit and I will spend about $60 on some stuff like Vienna Sausages and stuff that I know I can eat when I get hungry.
1 person likes this
@RitterSport (2451)
• Lippstadt, Germany
31 Dec 11
whaaaaat? I just read this slob of son in law is too lazy to even cook spaghetti and buys the stuff canned? Everyone can cook spaghetti so can he and if he wants anything with them there is butter and parmesan cheese or ketchup that should do with the way he treats you.
@jillhill (37354)
• United States
23 Dec 11
Can't you go with to buy the groceries and make sure they are buying sensible things with the money? You are right. Those little entree end up being quite spendy if you really think about it....HOw about making big batches of things so there is leftovers you can freeze? Seems to me that the problem lies in the buying of groceries...not who is eating it.
2 people like this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
23 Dec 11
jillhill tell Pointless she needs to move out, they are just being really ornery and thats the daughters mom. I would never have treated my mom like that. grrrrrr
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
23 Dec 11
I tried that Jill. It doesn't work because they are so fussy. They want those onesies. He says he doesn't want food he doesn't want shoved at him. When I cook it just gets eaten by me. I don't cook anymore unless I am asked to cook.
1 person likes this
@MaryLynn321 (2680)
• United States
23 Dec 11
I hear you, sounds like the 2 of you are frustrated. It is too bad that you SIL can't see how foolish he is being. Why don't all 3 of you go grocery shopping together, that way you all can pick out the food you would like to eat. That way a meal can be made that all of you can sit down and eat and he will see that you all are eating the food and not singling out one person. He is being unfair, I hope he realizes it, or it could make for a difficult living situation.
There is no need for you to make yourself sick or cause yourself to have a health issue.
2 people like this
@MaryLynn321 (2680)
• United States
23 Dec 11
Sounds like a good idea. I hope it will solve the problem.
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
23 Dec 11
We are going to do that next month. I told him I would do that… because I will say please get me this or that and they come home without it and then I don’t have any yogurt or anything and the money is spent. I told them I would give them the money I usually do, and then I will take my extra money to buy my stuff that I want like yogurt and stuff… no one else eats it.
2 people like this
@ravisivan (14079)
• India
22 Dec 11
a reading of this tells that you are not staying with your kids. You SIL comments on your eating. so you are forced to reduce what you eat.
I know you are 60+. at this stage it is necessary for you to have company of kids or relatives. So please tolerate and go along with her.
Other alternative is you can take money from your kids -- I am sure they will give sat 100$ or 50% per month if you reason out. In some familiies they do not support elders.
I only pray to God that he should get our mylot sister sufficient money to help her eat to an extent she likes.
Another option is reducing snacks to some extent may help your health also. I also find it difficult to stop snacks. this strategy may help maintaining sugar level, BP level to some extent. Probably she is helping you indirectly.
2 people like this
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
23 Dec 11
They don’t support me. I pay for all the food as part of a roommate agreement. They don’t take care of me. I take care of myself. I pay my bills. I will just spend extra money to keep stuff in my room so I can have something to eat when I need it. He didn’t buy enough… because he bought about 40 entrees and they won’t last a month… Instead of buying real food.
1 person likes this
@RitterSport (2451)
• Lippstadt, Germany
31 Dec 11
no no no and NO. I am really hurt and fed up with the way your son in law treats you. You are not his housemaid but you are his mother in law. You work hard online to add a little income to your SSI Check so you also shouild get decent food which is healthy for you. If he wants to eat junk food so by all means, man go and get it for you and your wife from your own money. How many times now have I read here he and your daughter sit there idly and complain the fridge and pantry is empty only cause fridge and pantry doesnt contain any of the junk they just have a craving for.
Same like with the pizza. Why dont they act considerate and say all right if he wants his pizza burnt so be it but you also need pizza you can chew and enjoy so the pizza gets out of the oven when its right for YOU to eat, you cut how much you want if its a whole pan full of the stuff and THEN it can get back to the oven for SIL to be as hard as brick if he wants that.
I am soooo sorry I am not close to you because you would hear me scream at him on top of my lungs capacity so you hear it up and down the street he gets a lecture.
1 person likes this
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
31 Dec 11
Things are better now, thank goodness! I’m so glad too. I plan to go with them next time and HAVE my own CART to get the things I WANT.
@RitterSport (2451)
• Lippstadt, Germany
31 Dec 11
Woohooooo for PQ. Wish we lived closer to you so we could just come over to see you and drive with you to the store and then tell you please fill the cart I have my bank card with me and thats a present from us to you.
1 person likes this
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
1 Jan 12
Oh you are so sweet RitterSport. Always! I went shopping last night and got a cart full of stuff that I wanted.. I bought 24 yogurts, and lots of single serve fruits like apple sauce and fruit cocktail.. and single serve veggies like Brussles Sprouts and stuff that I like. I got lots of microwave meals that I like too. They went shopping today too… so now both freezers are full. The cupboards are pretty full too.
@GardenGerty (158274)
• United States
22 Dec 11
I think he may be frustrated as well, but you should not be the target. You need to be able to eat what you need to eat and when you need to eat it. The whole house should. With that amount of money I can feed three full sized, healthy adults, but I do not buy convenience foods. If SIL would plan the meals before he went out to shop, there would be the things that go with the other things and you could all be full and satisfied. This is ridiculous.
1 person likes this
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
22 Dec 11
Hi Gerty,
I’m sure he is frustrated, but he doesn’t eat regular food. I used to buy regular food but it went to waste. He wants convenience foods, and we stopped eating as a family long ago. It’s really frustrating.
1 person likes this
@lilybug (21107)
• United States
25 Dec 11
$425 a month should be more than enough to feed 3 adults. Even if he were to buy enough frozen dinners for you and your daughter to eat 3 a day that is only $120 plus tax...so less than $140. That leaves almost $300 for everything else? How are you guys running out of food?
I see from some of your comments that things are working themselves out somewhat. I really hope things do get better for you.
1 person likes this
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
25 Dec 11
It only buys 1 buggy full and and a less than half of another buggy full.. so it's not as much as you think. Plus there are a lot of non food items that have to be bought... $140 to 150 is spent on non food items that everyone needs... toilet paper isn't cheap... it takes about 48 rolls to last the month... we buy Charmin... that's about $38 or more.. paper towels... about 20 rolls for the month... dog food... about 100 pounds, personal items, soap, shampoo, and some over the counter meds so it all doesn't go on food. Oh trash bags too... We get it all at one time for the month.
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
23 Dec 11
PointlessQuestions yo u need to find a way maybe section 8 housing and get awry from them. they sound to me to be very petty and making y ou buy food for all of them is just too too much. with a gastric bypass you cannot eat a lot at any meal this I do know. I would like to kick that son in law in the behind for treating you like that.take care of your health and just pay your rent let them do the damned grocery shopping since they did not like the way you did and tell them as soon as you find low cost housing they will not have you to push around. I am angry at them for you. okay hugs from hatley.
fight back and whats with your daughter,you are her mom thats no way tgo treat her mom.grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
fight back and whats with your daughter,you are her mom thats no way tgo treat her mom.grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.1 person likes this
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
23 Dec 11
Things are a bit better now Hatley. I don't pay rent. SIL pays all the other bills so I buy the food. I will start buying some stuff just for me next month. I hope we can work it out next month where we don't run out. I'll make sure I don't. I'll get a bunch of Vienna sausages.
@RitterSport (2451)
• Lippstadt, Germany
31 Dec 11
AMEN to this dear Hatley, I am cheering, I dont know what Section 8 is as I am not American but that would be the best thing for our dear PQ to get OUT of that hellhole she lives in right now. Please read what I would do to this man........ next page of the answers........... he would get so ashamed with me yelling at him so the whole street hears it that he would only get out at night when no one sees him.
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
23 Dec 11
i would be mad. its terrible for our fanily to fight over food. its the one thing we still look forward to when we get older. im sure he has other things he enjoys in life that you can no longer do or enjoy. 
my sons ex gf used to do that and finally she cussed me and son threw her cheap butt out.
could you get food from a food bank there? or even shop some at the 99 cents or dollar stores for snacks.@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
24 Dec 11
We could never get stuff from the food back because SIL is too proud… but everything is worked out right now… it’s resolved and should be okay when I get paid again with the plan we have.
@hotsummer (13835)
• Philippines
23 Dec 11
that would be hard. but i guess it will depend on a person if it is easy to cut back on foods. hopefully you can or just find ways to earn more or get more money.
1 person likes this
@hotsummer (13835)
• Philippines
24 Dec 11
they don't know how to save . they should learn how to cook fresh food than just buy packaged foods for health reasons and to save money also.
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
23 Dec 11
I give them $500 a month to spend on groceries. I think I spend plenty enough for them to buy food with… but they refuse to shop with any kind of common sense. They won’t just buy regular groceries.. they buy all these onesies .. these microwave entrees and then buy veggies and fruit once a month.. but we run out… he tells me to make fewer trips to the refrigerator… well… eating 4 ounces of food at one meal, won’t go very far ( I have stomach surgery so I eat less) I can’t go all day without eating something.. I get shaky and nauseous.
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
24 Dec 11
No there are no kids.. just 3 grownups… it’s worked out now.. the situation has been resolved.. so I’m glad of that.
@globaldoc (858)
• Philippines
25 Dec 11
I think I can actually give you some piece of advice that will prove good to you. When you are frustrated, you will only get more frustrated by doing things that harm yourself. Why not do something else and let him feel the frustration, and him being the one to eat meals only once a day? In your problems, do not hurt yourself. Let the one who gives you the problems be the one to suffer from his own doings. Do not be a punching bag. Be more of a mirror.
1 person likes this
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
26 Dec 11
Thanks… it’s all resolved now. Hopefully there won’t be any more problems like that again.
@SydneyJ (902)
• United States
22 Dec 11
I can imagine that you would be mad at something like this! Maybe you just need to get yourself your own mini fridge and claim cabinet space for yourself so you are the only one who can eat or stock that food ensuring you dont get blamed and they arent taking all of your food.
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
22 Dec 11
That may be something I do when I have the funds to get one. Everything is on extention cords in my room though.. there are only 2 outlets in this room and I wonder if having one would cause the breakers to blow. I have thought about it, but where would I put it? I have my laptop, my coffee pot, and my printer on my dresser. My room is very small. Something has got to give.
@alottodo (3056)
• Australia
23 Dec 11
That is why I chose to live alone...I would not put up with any one's crap let alone my SIL's sh**t...what about your rest of the family do they know this? I think is so unfair you have to live like this may be you can look for some alternative accommodation where you can live on your own and not depend on your mean SIL.
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
23 Dec 11
Sometimes I wish I could live alone again, but I love my family too. My daughter needs me to be with her while her hubby is working… it’s her mental health issues. If I could I would live alone.. but I also need some assistance at times now.
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
23 Dec 11
I’m okay Vandy, I really am. I’m going to have a great Christmas I think. I am glad that I was able to get everyone a gift… and I’m looking forward to Christmas eve and Christmas day. We are going to church for Christmas eve.. it’s a candle light service. Things are better now Vandy. I was just frustrated.
@hvedra (1619)
•
23 Dec 11
Perhaps if you are combining resources this way and paying for the food for everyone, it might be worth working out a full menu plan for the month (three meals a day or whatever) and shopping to fulfil that.
Ask everyone in the house if they can keep a food diary - not to see where it is going but so you can see what foods you need to get for the next shopping trip. Don't criticise each other's lists but see if you can work out a good, economical menu plan that suits everyone from them. If everyone is involved with the meal planning and can reach an agreement on what is reasonable there should be a lot less aggro!
What are onesies? Is it something that could be made at home in batches from scratch?
You mentioned in another discussion you'd like to grow some veggies and fruit to help supplement the food, this is a good idea. Try to get everyone involved in the planning so you can have a go at growing stuff people really like and stuff that makes a difference to the budget - potatoes are cheap and can sometimes be labour intensive. Fruit is expensive but once the initial labour is done are reasonably low maintenance.
I know you have health problems that restrict what you can do physically, but if you can do a lot of the planning, list making, search for the best deals and prices, you can help out the household that way and everyone else will save time.
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
23 Dec 11
My family is very different from other families. They don’t want a cooked meal.. they want this processed microwave meals and canned foods… I’m not going to be able to change them. You have some excellent ideas, but they just won’t work in my household. They are very set in their ways.
I would love to grow some veggies, but getting someone to till the ground is like pulling teeth... SIL never has time.. says he will do it but never does.
@Cutie18f (9551)
• Philippines
23 Dec 11
I think it can be done--I mean, one meal a day if you really need to do it. Some people follow that kind of dieting and have become successfully trim. You might want to do it twice a day, then perhaps slowly move on to a once-a-day routine. It will actually be good for one's health.
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
23 Dec 11
I was just being facetious when I said that. I really did try to fast through yesterday after eating breakfast, but I couldn't. Having the gastric bypass, I have to eat several times a day because I can only eat a little more than a handful of food. I get full on 4 ounces. I will be hungry in 2 or 3 hours, and I will get shaky if I don't eat. We have it worked out now... more food was brought into the house last night... SIL finally chipped in with some money.
@sijabatnaburjut (2171)
• Indonesia
23 Dec 11
Hi...I have to tell you that you are not the only one who suffered from shortage of food in this world, there are million of people who don't even eat one time or one meal in their whole day. It sounded childish bargaining about food to eat. I myself have decided to eat one meal each day and I am sure I won't be sick because of one meal time in a day. My reasons to why I have to eat one time in a day, because I have small stable income which can only afford me to eating one time in a day and for me It was not big deal to just being able to eat one time in one day. Moreover, I have to save my money half of it and half to pay my stuff that I bought with installment, so for me eating one meal is ok so long as you are fine with it.
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
23 Dec 11
The problem lies in the fact that they didn't buy enough. It's my money that buys the food but they said I didnt shop well so they started doing it saying they could do it better than me but it turns out they didn't do better than me. But they still blame me for the food running out. I give them $500 to buy food for the month. I have to eat about six times a day because having stomach surgery I can inky eat about 4 to 5 ounces at a time. I will eat part of my meal and then finish it later because I cannot eat all at once. My daughter will eat 3 of those meals a day and I will eat 2. So she eats more than I do but I get the blame. It's getting worked out now.
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
23 Dec 11
No need to feel sorry. Things are working out. I do work online.. I’m a writer so I make part of my living from writing. The problem wasn’t about me being poor.. it was about my money being mismanaged by my family… they buy the food because they say I don’t do a good job.. well.. they don’t do any better… so I think we solved the problem for next month.
