An old friend is asking for help.
By reinydawn
@reinydawn (11643)
United States
May 6, 2012 9:23pm CST
MANY years ago, I was using IRC (Internet Relay Chat) to talk with people all over the world. I stumbled on to a group of people that became my first internet friends. We used to chat every night, for hours! I can remember going to bed around 2 or 3 in the morning, not wanting to say goodnight to my friends. I have met many of them in person and still keep in touch with quite a few. We even had a group get-together in Las Vegas on year - that was so much fun!
Tonight I got word about one of my old friends. He's come across some very hard times and is in pretty bad shape. He's asking for our help - in the form of money. I want to help him, and am in a bit of a position to do so. BUT, having not heard from him in many years, I'm a bit leery, and unsure of what to do. I've talked with one of the other people from the old group (the one that let me know what was going on) and I'm pretty sure this is legit. With so many scams going on, I have become a bit of a pessimist and still worried about it all. I've sent an e-mail to another friend, who I know I can trust. Hopefully, I'll have more information when I check my e-mail tomorrow morning.
Have you had people in your life come asking for your help after not having any contact with them for years? What would you do?
3 people like this
8 responses
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
8 May 12
Hi Reinydawn,
Only once. I had a friend that I hadn't seen in about 6 yrs track me down and was looking for a place to stay. Unfortunately, I was in the process of breaking up with my ex and moving out and wasn't in a position to help her at that time.
I don't know what to tell you on your situation other than to go with your gut. I would not lend out any more money than I'd be ok with never seeing again. Actually, is this a loan or a gift? Is this one of the friends that you actually met in person? I just think it is odd that after all this time with no contact that he is looking to you for help. I would have a lot of questions, I think. You'll have to let us know how this all plays out.
@reinydawn (11643)
• United States
16 May 12
Nope, I've never met him in person, although some of the other chatters had. And, no, it's not a loan, it's a gift. He helped me out a lot when I needed it, so in a sense I owe him.
I was able to verify through a few other people that I have kept in touch with that he is in really bad shape. I'll be sending him some money and hoping it will help him get back on his feet.
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
16 May 12
Well as long as you feel good about it then that is what matters. You are a very kind person to do this. I hope he realizes it and I imagine that he does which is probably why you were asked to help. He knows you are a friend that can be counted on in times of trouble!
@ryanong (9665)
• Vietnam
7 May 12
Don't help if you haven't met that guy in person before. He maybe a scam. i used to help a person who i haven't met in person, just via chatting, because i pity for him based on what he said. But finally i found that he is a scam. I don't regret money because it is not too much. It is a good lesson to teach me that don't easily to trust the other people who you don't know them well.
If you wanna help people, do charity for the poor kids is better.
@reinydawn (11643)
• United States
16 May 12
I've never met him in person, but some of my friends have. I did do a little checking on it and this is for real. I'll be glad to help him and hope that he's back on his feet again soon.
@dragon54u (31636)
• United States
7 May 12
If you feel its legit and have the money to spare, help him out. But never, ever "lend" money to anyone. When you help someone financially, look at it as a gift. If you get it back, fine. If not, you've not been betrayed or lost anything since you gave it freely with no expectations of return.
Times are tough all over and more and more people are in your friend's position. I would just be sure that he has done everything he can to help himself like selling his valuable, lowering his standard of living, etc. before he asked friends for help.
1 person likes this
@reinydawn (11643)
• United States
16 May 12
That was one of my concerns too, I wanted to make sure it was going to actually help him and not enable him to get worse. One of my friends was trying to hook him up with a job, but it was too far away from where he was living.
And I don't expect repayment for anything I can help with. He helped me out a lot back when we were chatting all the time.
@saundyl (9783)
• Canada
7 May 12
I havent had that happen before. I'd be leery myself especially if it was someone i hadnt had contact with for years.
I'd even be a little leery for a bit wondering if it was really the person they said they were or if it was someone who managed toget their hands on data i thought was destroyed in an old system.
I'd do the same as you and ask others who had been his friend as well or hopefully someone who was still in contact with them.
1 person likes this
@reinydawn (11643)
• United States
16 May 12
I've checked with a few other friends and it's legit. It's sad that he has fallen on such hard times, but I'm glad I'm in a situation that will allow me to help him a little.
1 person likes this
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
8 May 12
i did the same thing. but only have one friend ive stayed in contact with for about 12 yrs now. have talked to her on the phone. mailed back and forth through snail mail, e-mail everything just from being in that chat group. only thing is, have never met her face to face. hope to do that before one of us die. i truely think though that no matter how far we go down in finances either one of us would ever ask for more then friendship. im like you, id be suspicious of this and unless you are certain you can do without the money 
possibley never getting it returned i wouldnt do it. 
@reinydawn (11643)
• United States
16 May 12
Nope, I'm not worried about getting the money back. This guy helped me out a lot when we were chatting all the time. I consider him a dear friend, even though we've never met. Hopefully I can help him get back on his feet!
@asuankhor (37)
• Taiwan
7 May 12
Since I graduated,I start of study abroad life.I still keep in touch with my old friends,but a friend of mine suddenly contact me when I back to my country,he send a massage for to chatting.The last,he asking ,e about the money ,that he said he need some money to help his business.After that,i said that sure can help you if you needs helps,but tomorrow morning i need to getting my flight,or we meet tonight?after my asking he didn't reply me,after i asking one of my friend( that i less contact) to asking the friend needs money for helping his business,from the chatting i realize that,he is lied to me.But the luckily that i din't deceived by my friend.
1 person likes this
@reinydawn (11643)
• United States
16 May 12
It's always hard to know if you can trust someone - even if it is a friend. I did check around with a few other people and now know this is for real. I'll be glad to help him.
@gorjuzliz10 (201)
• Philippines
7 May 12
It's normal that you would feel that way especially if you've lost contact years ago.
If I were in your shoes, I would ask other common friends about it just to make sure. Not that I am being skeptical or doubtful of the guy but yes, you are right, there are a lot of scams going on around.
After you have verified everything, it would be nice to help out an old friend. You are not obliged to give a lot. Just give whatever feels right to you.
You can also help in other ways -- by creating a page for him in FB, for example. That way, other people might help him as well.
Good luck!
@reinydawn (11643)
• United States
16 May 12
I do feel better now that I've checked around a bit. I've been able to verify with a few of our other friends that he is indeed in bad shape right now. I'm really glad that I can help him!
@aihermonio (4)
• Philippines
7 May 12
i can say that most of those people who ask for monetary assistance needs to be test, specially if they are far from your end, what i will do is lend them money but not that much and then sometimes if that person is a good and responsible friend they will eventually pay you, not right away but it takes time you just have to be patient, and lets just hope that not all people are scammers.
1 person likes this
@reinydawn (11643)
• United States
16 May 12
I'm not looking for repayment. He helped me out before when I needed it, I just had to do some research to make sure it was really going to benefit my friend.
