Was I really selfish being sad when it's my husband's birthday?
By mrsroxas
@mrsroxas (78)
Philippines
August 27, 2012 1:06am CST
Yesterday was my husbands birthday. In the morning he sent me a text message from work that he will go out and drink after shift. He always wanted me to go with him whenever he goes out with his friends or office mates, but I didnt want to because I dont drink alcohol and makes me bored listening to drunk people telling the same stories over and over again. But I do appreciate that he wants me to come along, I just dont think I need to go with him every single time he goes out and drink. Sometimes I enjoy it, depending on the crowd he's with.
So yesterday afternoon, I followed him and his workmate at a resto bar and at that time I was already having an irritating headache. He promised that it will just be for a bottle or two. But then it lasted for more than 5 hours with 6 bottles for each of them. My headache got worse because I was trying to really listen to their stories so not to be disrespectful - even though I heard the same stories before! Ugh. By the time that they're getting their 6th bottle, my husband asked me if it's ok. I told him it's ok, and asked him if I could go home ahead of them but he didn't let me. It was really ok with me because I wanted him to enjoy his birthday, I just couldnt cope because of the headache.
After their drinking session while we're on our way home I was not talking to him and I couldnt help myself to have a frowning face. He asked "Is this really the time that you need to do that? Why do you have to do that now? Ain't that being selfish?" I didnt answer. By the time we got home I went straight to the bathroom and cried. After that we talked. I told him that he's also selfish because he's not thinking about my health. I don't smoke, I don't drink, but he doesn't seem to care that I inhale all the smoke and feel very tired. At the end he said sorry, and thanked me for being patient with him.
Today we're ok again after we talked. But I just I want to know if I was really selfish at that time? because sometimes I think he's only thinking about himself, and then he will say that I'm only thinking about myself. We're thinking about the same thing towards each other.
2 people like this
7 responses
@Raine38 (12257)
• United States
27 Aug 12
You're right, you're both thinking the same thing towards each other. I don't think you're being selfish but you have to tell your husband about your side, and him to you. This is the time when your communication should be very open. This is something that nobody is really at fault, but it's just a matter of communicating it and the manner of communicating it that's the key. I'm sure if both of you just learned the real deal early on, nobody will be having too much expectation from the other.
1 person likes this
@riyauro (6421)
• India
27 Aug 12
No you were not at all selfish but rather having that sever headache you still accompanied him on the birthday to a place where you do not prefer. I guess your husband think about you when asking you to join such places. I understand you very well because I don't smoke and neither do I drink and my husband used to do both.
Now when I first met him he used to say that is wants to stop all that because he never had control over his drinking and ended up fighting with people. So he wanted to stop by his own will. After knowing him for 3 years as a girlfriend, I tried to help him but then he was always back to it. Now since we are married he has stopped from last 5 months and he is doing good. But the smoking part is left which he want to stop on the 29 of this month since it his friends birthday. I trust that he will stop. Before this I used to accompany him everywhere and i did not like it. I am happy that he is thinking of leaving and is thinking about me. Thanks for sharing and have a wonderful day ahead. 
1 person likes this
@JohnMarioW (5)
• United States
27 Aug 12
Communication is very important in any relationship. In this case, I don't think you were selfish. You were being honest. There is a difference. The only suggestion I have is that next time you tell him you need to take something for your bad headache. Tell him you'd love to stay with him. Ask if anyone has Tylenol or aspirin.
@obe212003 (2299)
• Philippines
27 Aug 12
Nope. It was just a bad incident of having a headache at a wrong time. If he should have known that you're having a terrible headache, then probably it would be a different story and he could have just spend the day without him asking you to join in with his friends.
1 person likes this
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
27 Aug 12
You should not think that you were selfish last night because in the first place, you didn't want to have a headache. It just so happened that the headache you were suppressing for hours remained even when you went home. Just explain to your husband that it was just the headache and nothing more. You wanted him to enjoy his special day and even if you do not drink, you still want to be with him. It was just that damn headache.
1 person likes this
@mrsroxas (78)
• Philippines
27 Aug 12
You're right! If not for that headache I could've endured listening to them. lol. He already new that I was having a headache when I arrived at the bar. I guess he thought I was just making up an excuse because I told him in the morning that will just pick him up after they're done.
1 person likes this
@shondell123 (3)
• United States
27 Aug 12
No you was not selfish. How could he even say that to you? You did him a favor by coming with him. Mind you,you had a headache on top of all that. You are far from selfish.
@mansha (6298)
• India
27 Aug 12
after enduring that evening with a headache and then being told you are selfish, I would have kicked him back...and you are still being understanding and talking, believe me you are so mature...and forgive me but I must say his behaviour was selfish...if it would have been me, I would have loved to spend some time alone with my spouse if he was sick and then reschedule with my friends my birthday treat
