Ah, the morons in our lives!
By celticeagle
@celticeagle (161091)
Boise, Idaho
September 11, 2012 12:00pm CST
My grandson is going to be 10 October 24. When he was two we(my daughter and I) went to take my grandson to his dad's place for the week-end. My grandson didn't want to go with him and wouldn't get out of the car. His dad threw a fit right there in the driveway bashing his hand against the side of the house. That was the last we heard from him. I must say here though that he has been pretty faithful in paying his child support monthly all these eight years.
So, fast forward to last week. We had to take my grandson to school one morning because he hadn't gotten out to the bus in time. So my daughter had reason to talk to the teacher. The teacher said that my grandson's dad had called to ask about my grandson. So he left his number and my daughter called him lastnight. He says he has been trying to get ahold of her for six years. Ya, right! I think he is a liar. Its been eight years. And now out of the blue he calls the school. He could have done that years ago. I told her I hoped that she would let him visit for afew times before letting him go off with this man since my grandson doesn't know him after so long and I wouldn't trust him with my son after eight years of no contact.
I feel really weird about all of this. It has come on just out of the blue and so suddenly. Your thoughts.
2 people like this
12 responses
@SomeCowgirl (32191)
• United States
11 Sep 12
He may (the dad) have changed over the years, found someone new who changed him and made him realize he's missing out on the precious things in life with his son. OR he could be trying to harm him, kidnap him, etc. I'd be having him visit maybe every other weekend for two or three months, and if my son didn't really want to get to know his dad I would tell the man that the son doesn't want to get to know him, that he needs to just back off and take things A LOT slower.
I do believe a father should be in a son's life, but to come back so suddenly, it's suspicious.
2 people like this
@celticeagle (161091)
• Boise, Idaho
11 Sep 12
Ya, it is suspicious. I believe a father needs to be in a son's life also. I told my daughter my worries and I hope she keeps them in mind for my grandson's sake. I certainly don't want to make a scene. lol
@CosmoOwl12 (411)
• United States
11 Sep 12
I agree with stowyk! Why, after all these years, does he just suddenly decide to call the school? If he could do that then he could just have easily called your daughter. I don't think she should let him stay with the dad by himself right away. She should maybe allow a few supervised visits at first and then gradually let him see your grandson by himself. Maybe let them go out to eat together or to some other public place. If he's almost 10, I'm sure he knows basic safety precautions to take and maybe you and your daughter could teach him some things he could do if he were to be kidnapped. Also, I think your daughter should talk to the dad herself first before she even lets him see your grandson. Find out why all of a sudden he wants anything to do with the boy and if she senses any red flags in the conversation, don't allow him to see his son! If he is going to be a threat to anyone in the family, everyone's safety is the most important thing.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (161091)
• Boise, Idaho
12 Sep 12
I know. And she is so gullible her comment to me was that he had been trying to get ahold of us for six years. But why had he waited to call the school until this year? I think she will take it slow. My grandson won't go with him right away anyway. He is such a momma's boy it will take him a while before he would be comfortable leaving mom. I will talk to him and remind him of his phone number and that any time he feels uncomfortable he can call us. My daughter has talked to the dad and will continue to for awhile before a meeting is planned. I doubt she would sense red flags but I want to be there and I want my grandson to be aware of calling us at anytime.
@celticeagle (161091)
• Boise, Idaho
16 Sep 12
Thank you. He said he'd come over this weekend and we haven't heard from him.
@CosmoOwl12 (411)
• United States
14 Sep 12
It is a bit strange that he would wait all this time before he decided to call the school. I hope that he doesn't plan on harming your grandson or anything. Maybe it really is just him wanting to be in the boy's life again, but he has a strange way about doing it. I wish your family some good luck with this situation and I hope everything works out for the best!
1 person likes this
@Lakota12 (42600)
• United States
13 Sep 12
am with you dont hink hhas tried very hard as he got thru to the school ok so whats on his mind. and yup have chaparoned visit for several itime you need to get to know him again too see if he hits walls any more when he ges upset would hate for that wall to be someone!
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (161091)
• Boise, Idaho
13 Sep 12
He is coming over this week-end to look at my grandson's catalogues and see what Lego he wants for his birthday. We will see then what he is up to.
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
11 Sep 12
I would be very concerned to. It seems strange to me that he acted the way he did the last time he was to see the child, BEAT HIS HEAD??, sounds to me as if he has a big problem. I think u have every reason to be concerned. There is no way i would let my child go off w/him.
@celticeagle (161091)
• Boise, Idaho
11 Sep 12
I expressed my worried ot my daughter this morning. I hope she keeps them in mind and takes it slow.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (161091)
• Boise, Idaho
12 Sep 12
I think she is rather excited because she hasn't had a break in forever. My grandson is such a momma's boy she can't do anything without him tagging along. So this could be a wonderful thing for her.
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
11 Sep 12
He cannot take him without getting to know him first. That is a must. I don't know the man and cannot judge but what I do know is every kid deserves to know his Dad. You maybe could have superbised visits at first until your son is feeling comfortable around him and then you would have the chance to see if his interest in the boy is genuine or not. It woud be good if he could have a relationship with his Dad but it must be done gradually over time. You or your daughter should have dialogue with the father in this. Best od luck
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (161091)
• Boise, Idaho
12 Sep 12
Yes, it is. He does deserve to know his dad and it looks like he will have this opportunity. Just is short incruments for awhile. I think supervised visits the first few times is a must. Gradually and a good communication.
@celticeagle (161091)
• Boise, Idaho
12 Sep 12
I hope he is respectful of us all since he is the newcomer. My concern for my grandson.
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
12 Sep 12
Best of luck. because he has kept distant for so long from hs son this is going to be difficult for you all
1 person likes this
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
15 Sep 12
My thoughts are this from personal experience. If there has never been legal full custody established through a court system in your daughter's favor, this is very dangerous. He has as much legal right, especially since paying child support, as she does. I know it sounds crazy since he has been gone for so long but I went through something similar. What I learned was that if it was not legally established, he could leave state or even county with the child and there would be nothing done to bring him back. He definitely sounds like he is up to something. I don't know what the previous situation was so I may be way off base on my comment.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (161091)
• Boise, Idaho
16 Sep 12
THis was my concern too. Like this weekend he said he would come over and we haven't heard from him. I think it is very curious. I asked my daughter if she had any legal papers and she said she doesn't. She has been raising him though and he hasn't been in the picture at all until the last few weeks. He hasn't even seen him since he was about two years old and he will be ten in late October.
@GardenGerty (158294)
• United States
11 Sep 12
That is creepy. You know he has to be lying, you have not moved in ages. The school should have notified your daughter immediately, since she is the custodial parent. He should visit with you guys a lot before you trust him with the grandson unsupervised.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (161091)
• Boise, Idaho
11 Sep 12
Ya, this isn't even his regular school. WHy didn't he call while he was at the school he has been going to for the last four years? Ya, my daughter will have to let him visit afew times and let my grandson get used to him.
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
13 Sep 12
I would only have him see the child at the house until or if I felt I could trust him. You never know what is up his sleeve.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (161091)
• Boise, Idaho
13 Sep 12
His dad is a real gamer. Says what he thinks you want to hear, overly polite. Seems almost sarcastic to me. But I am negative so I want to try to give him a chance for Josh's sake. So I am suspiciously optomistic.
@whiteheather39 (24403)
• United States
12 Sep 12
I also this this is very strange after all these years of silence. I think it would be unwise to send your grandson off with a (too him) completely unknown man. If the father is genuine about having a relationship with his son it should begin with short visits with another family member also present whom you grandson knows and feels safe with.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (161091)
• Boise, Idaho
12 Sep 12
I would never send my grandson off with a near stranger. I think short visits to begin with is what we plan on doing.
@wilsongoddard (7291)
• United States
11 Sep 12
My thoughts? He doesn't have visitation, and he should be treated like any other acquaintance. I am highly suspicious of his reasons for suddenly appearing after being absent from the child's life for nearly a decade.
He can come visit the house or meet your daughter and grandson out at a restaurant or something. She should never trust him alone with the child until he has more than proven himself. Her son has already demonstrated that he doesn't trust him (by not wanting to get out of the car), and this guy has already demonstrated that he has a definite violent and immature (by throwing a temper tantrum like that) side.
I would suggest several months of supervised visits before ever even considering allowing him unsupervised visits--and, then, no staying over. If the child expresses that he doesn't want these visits, that should be respected as well.
I know that some men do "see the light" and mend their ways after being absent from their children's lives for years. In fact, I know one man who did just that and is now working to help other men step up to the plate and be fathers. However, I also know that people can have all sorts of motivations for suddenly surfacing--and not all of them good.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (161091)
• Boise, Idaho
12 Sep 12
I agree with supervised visits for a while. We'll see what happens. I hope for several months of this. We'll see what happens. I know the dad lost out on another childs years ago. I wonder if his mom had something to do with it. I am curious and suspicious and will definitely have my eyes and ears open.
@blue65packer (11826)
• United States
13 Sep 12
I have heard stories like this before! The father is not in the picture and then he decides he wants to be! I work with a college student who's dad decided not long ago to come back into his and brothers lives! Martin is not letting it happen! His dad walked out on the family! Martin doesn't want him in his life at all and I don't blame him!
In your daughters case you better tell the school to beaware of you grandson's father! It sounds like he could be up to no good! I think he shouldn't see his son. If he does,there should be supervison for sure!
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (161091)
• Boise, Idaho
13 Sep 12
Well my grandson is only nine and is curious. I hope his dad doesn't hurt him. He will be supervised for awhile. See how it goes.
@prashu228 (37525)
• India
11 Sep 12
oh, what does he want actually? if he remembering his child badly? or any care for him? or just want to contact your daughter? all of a sudden after these many years? or else he has some different plans about the child? be careful.
1 person likes this
