"Half - Life"
By nicegolddy
@nicegolddy (61)
Philippines
September 23, 2012 10:30am CST
I am still alive but I am barely breathing, I cannot see the day light sometimes.. From what happened to me,from the trauma that I experienced, From the pain, anger and hurts.. Here I am, just like a shadow that cannot see any rainbows at all.. How many times I told myself that he is not really coming back, he just left and treat me badly.. Asking myself all the time what have I done? I am just as faithful as I can be, like a puppy that is faithful and loyal to her master.. But yet I got hurt, betrayed, cheated and most of all the broken lies and promises that he made.. Sometimes at the end of the day, I just see myself look in the mirror and ask what is wrong with me, ask God Why me? What have I done to you and to him? I feel incomplete.. I don't even know if I could love again.. I do many things just to help myself and move on.. but at the end of the day, I always hear silence, its the tears that flows into my eyes, the memories that always come back, I am still stuck in the shadow of yesterday.. and living this half life.. he ended my life.. I am looking forward to make a new journey, I forgive him.. but I just can't forget and until now.. it haunts me.I cannot fool myself, maybe i will just chose to love him in silence and dreams because in those no ones owns him but.. in dreams. Please do pray for me..
11 responses
@Marygoround (155)
• Philippines
24 Sep 12
Three years ago a guy cheated on me upfront. In the sense that he'd talk to his ex-girlfriend on the phone in front of me laughing and having a really good conversation. So I decided to go away and move on.
I went home to Mindanao(I know you're from the Phils) and left him in Manila. I thought It'd be easier that way, but I almost went insane. Every little thing I do reminds of him, maybe because we spent the whole relationship living together.
For one and a half year I spent days crying and nights getting drunk. And then I realized it's not helping at all. Then I decided to make my life and myself better. Do more meaningful things.. I was right. One day I woke feeling great and renewed. I never blamed God, because I know during the relationship I also had mistakes. Or maybe it was a pay back for my mistakes before.
Acceptance is the key my friend. You can do it. I wish you well. :)
@Marygoround (155)
• Philippines
26 Sep 12
I am happier than ever sis. That happened years ago and I am actually friends with the guy. He even came up to me two nights ago telling me he thinks his girlfriend is cheating on him. I would've placed a grin on my face if that happened long time ago but I was sorry for him as I know how it hurts. Life is indeed an Irony. The most important thing is you don't stop moving, because the world will continue to revolve, with or without you. This too shall pass. Someone out there is on his way to you. I hope you'll be fine soon. :)
@nicegolddy (61)
• Philippines
25 Sep 12
Sorry to hear about that sis, and thanks for sharing I learned it is not only me maybe who has this trials, and some has problems too.. All i have to do is never look back and just focus on the new path that awaits for me,learning mmore to love myself first.. :) I am thankful for your response.. I hope all is well with you too.
@nicegolddy (61)
• Philippines
24 Sep 12
I really appreciate your advice and thank you for your prayers I am so thankful I am on this site. God bless you.
@ladysakurax (1161)
• Canada
23 Sep 12
I know it's not easy. I felt like this when my ex did the same thing to me. I cried every night and I neglected myself. I thought I would never be happy again and will never be able to find love again. Well today, none of that is true. Now that I'm fully detatched from him, I feel like new again. I am happy with my life. So now that I'm used to be single I just realize how a jerk he was to me. AND...I'm in love again with someone else! :) Don't give up and especially you have to be strong. You are just going to poison your life away if you keep living like this. There is a reason why all of this is happening. You wil be happy again i believe in it.
@nicegolddy (61)
• Philippines
24 Sep 12
I believe everything has a purpose Sis,whatever it is I am trying to accept everything that happened to me, trying to breathe a little.. laugh harder and learn to forget :) Thank you and I hope I will have the way that he planned for me.
@angelwithkids (1256)
• United States
23 Sep 12
i have been there and i'm fighting myself not to go back there. i recently joined a class at the church i'm attending. we're studying the book of Proverbs. i'm finding it to help me a lot. if you have a Bible or can get one, read Proverbs at your own pace. i'll keep you in my prayers that God will bless you with piece of mind and contentment in your heart.
@nicegolddy (61)
• Philippines
24 Sep 12
I have been reading some inspirational books and the Bible also, I am now reading the purpose driven life all over again by Rick Warren and some of Sanchez books, it helps me a lot and you can get some details and inspiration out of it.. Thank you so much I am really happy and thankful, may God bless you and your family.. thanks for cheering me up, it is really nice of you guys.
@ferianneful (148)
• Philippines
23 Sep 12
Oh my God my friend this is again another heartbreaking post. Like I always tell you my friend, just keep the faith. Let the creator lead the way. It is normal to feel the pain but don't let it ruin you okay? Someday you will find someone who is so much better, maybe not that handsome but much better person than your ex. Let go baby, just let it go. I know this may sound cheesy but did you watch like telenovelas where they burn the other half's belongings? Why don't you do that? Perhaps it can help ease the pain. Take care my dear. God bless you.
@nicegolddy (61)
• Philippines
25 Sep 12
Happy to see your post sister,:). You really know my situation and it is really not that easy right? No girl would ever love it,:(. I wanna say thank you for being there for me all the time, despite the fact that we just met for real on a couple of hours, but feels like you are one of the fallen angels that cross my life. Thank you so much for everything and for the hope sis,:). I am feeling a little bit better than yesterday and hopefully a new whole person again tomorrow,:)always remember sis, thank you and i am happy to be one of your friends for real.
@jonabelle (10)
• Philippines
24 Sep 12
Oh, it squeezes my heart reading this. Yes, you are right God is a big factor in making you believe and trust in yourself. After being hurt it is only normal that you have lower your self-esteem, that you think you are a looser, that you are a fool, that you don't deserve to be happy. But you are wrong! I mean give up the grieving! Give up the denial! Go out, see the sunshine, talk to people who makes you feel better, do things that help you gain self-esteem. Remember it is his lost and not yours, someone at the right time will come for you don't give up no matter how many times you stumble and fall. You are not the only one who had gone through this and guess what they who fought has found what and who they deserve; so be one of those who learned and moved on. Be happy! Believe in yourself! Pray to God for guidance and most of all LOVE YOURSELF.
@nicegolddy (61)
• Philippines
24 Sep 12
I wanna say thank you for being there and for the advices,and prayers..I am really thankful and happy about this,that there are still people who cares and can relate to my situation.It makes me feel that I a alone.
@wongchoiyee (7413)
• Malaysia
23 Sep 12
Dear nicegolddy,
Its hard to ask you let go of the past when it haunts you with this memories, all I want you to do is pray to God so that he will take away your sorrows.
@nicegolddy (61)
• Philippines
24 Sep 12
Thank you Sis,I am so glad about the advices and the effort, I am hoping for a better me someday, and when that time comes you and those who cheer me up and help me with this are the reason behind it, thank you for the prayers.. I really am thankful. God bless you.
@Lovebirds90 (207)
• United States
23 Sep 12
Oh feeling sad while reading all this....I wish you will get well soon. God must release you from your all pain and you will be good to live without sickness, worries and pressures.
@nicegolddy (61)
• Philippines
23 Sep 12
Thank you so much, May he hear my prayers because honestly, I am just so tired sometimes and i don't know what to do.. I always pray, But I don't know what is it that he wants me to learn.
@bhabycatch013 (9150)
• Philippines
23 Sep 12
hi nice,
It takes time to forget and heal all the pain that he caused in you
Just tell to yourself you deserve some better than him.
There are billions of people around the world it's our choice to be alone or to hold on to the past and let the pain rule our life.
hope you will recover soon and forget him
welcome to mylot
keep posting
@nicegolddy (61)
• Philippines
24 Sep 12
Thanks to you sis, i really am happy and thankful for this. Thanks for cheering me up, and giving me those advices it is such a wonderful thing I joined this site and I gain a whole lot of friends, it makes me feel that i am not alone,thank you so much.
@micha5088 (554)
• Malaysia
24 Sep 12
Please be strong although you feel like you are only half alive. Cry as much as you want, let the tears flow and don't keep it to yourself. You are wise to be sharing your pain here in mylot. I sympathize you but you know I can't do much except to listen to all of your sufferings and pray for you. The pain that you are going through now will gradually subside so try to be strong and persevere in your hardship. Take care and stay strong nicegolddy.
@Marygoround (155)
• Philippines
24 Sep 12
Three years ago a guy cheated on me upfront. In the sense that he'd talk to his ex-girlfriend on the phone in front of me laughing and having a really good conversation. So I decided to go away and move on.
I went home to Mindanao(I know you're from the Phils) and left him in Manila. I thought It'd be easier that way, but I almost went insane. Every little thing I do reminds of him, maybe because we spent the whole relationship living together.
For one and a half year I spent days crying and nights getting drunk. And then I realized it's not helping at all. Then I decided to make my life and myself better. Do more meaningful things.. I was right. One day I woke feeling great and renewed. I never blamed God, because I know during the relationship I also had mistakes. Or maybe it was a pay back for my mistakes before.
Acceptance is the key my friend. You can do it. I wish you well. :)
