my habit of not saying no?
By subhojit10
@subhojit10 (7375)
India
April 5, 2013 8:39am CST
Hey guys, i do not know whether this is my good or bad habit, but i find it very difficult to say no if someone asks me to do something. for instance, one day i had some work in the evening but when my boss called me up to take an interview the very evening, i said yes and had i said no, he would not have mind, later on i realized that i have been doing this since years and even now i have not mastered the art of saying no to someone. Whenever any one has asked me for money, i have always helped him or her without thinking about anything.
What are your thoughts about this guys? R u also like me in this regard? Please do share your thoughts!
2 people like this
16 responses
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
6 Apr 13
Just by reading your posts, I feel that you are a good person. and I am not surprise at all if you always extend your help to anyone who needs it.
I also feel uncomfortable of refusing to help. That sometimes, it has gotten me in trouble, really. You know why? Coz there are people who has taken advantage of me being always willing to extend help. If there were more than 24 hours in a day and 8 days in a week, I'd probably give all the help that people need from me.
But I have learned to say no eventually. Coz I feel that these people have become too dependent on me that they no longer think that I have my own priorities too.
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
12 Apr 13
We actually learn from each other. And maybe you think that you need to learn a lot from me, maybe because I am almost twice your age and I have been through a lot in life. Even with all those trials that came my way, i am just glad that I have kept my sanity and still able to do things like this.
I have met through a chat years before a young man the same nationality as you. And I found him really interesting to talk to. He would even call me up and we would just be talking about a lot of things.
@subhojit10 (7375)
• India
16 Apr 13
Well yes that might be the reason that we both share each other about a lot of things, u r lot more elder to me and have seen life more closely. This place has also been a learning experience for me that i am getting in touch with so many experienced people.
Oh really, i am glad that the person u met through chat talk about a lot of things n i hope that continues.
@subhojit10 (7375)
• India
12 Apr 13
ha ha ha, thank u for your kind words and u know what, even i feel it extremely uncomfortable to say no to someone for i cannot see anyone get hurt or disappointed due to my actions or words. As u have mentioned it has become immensely difficult to recognize people who r just waiting to extract many things from you and i am glad that u have finally understood how to tackle such people.
i need to learn so much things from u my dear friend.
@princess8881 (1630)
• South Korea
12 Apr 13
before were in the same situation,but not anymore because now I learn to grow some horns.. 
. well maybe i'm tired of being to kind, and i know this parasites around me are enjoying it, and finally i got sick of it and i finally got the guts to say no, after that the next "no" became easier and easier for me now.
I guess everything has the right time, but they also said if there is no perfect moment, get a moment and make it perfect!
. well maybe i'm tired of being to kind, and i know this parasites around me are enjoying it, and finally i got sick of it and i finally got the guts to say no, after that the next "no" became easier and easier for me now.
I guess everything has the right time, but they also said if there is no perfect moment, get a moment and make it perfect!
@princess8881 (1630)
• South Korea
13 Apr 13
well I can understand its really hard to say no, and that habit is really hard to break thats why we called it a "habit".
But don't worry sooner or later for sure you'll come to the point where you can easily voice out whats really on your mind, don't get to frustrated.
Plus I'm praying it could be sooner for you..cheer up 
@subhojit10 (7375)
• India
16 Apr 13
ha ha ha, no dear i am not getting frustrated because of this habit in fact even i a trying hard to work on this habit so that i can judge people and their intentions and accordingly take my own decisions of whether helping them or not. I hope sooner or later i would learn to see things properly.
@subhojit10 (7375)
• India
12 Apr 13
Yes u are absolutely right, it just needs guts and courage to say no to someone and once we do it, it will never become difficult in the future, since i have been kind to others, may be because of that, i find it tough to say no to someone who seeks help for me, i am glad that u have come of age and have started to gauge the situation.
@stanley777 (9402)
• Philippines
6 Apr 13
I guess most of us have the same habit, if we got time to spare for them or in money matters if we have some to spare. I think we have a soft hard especially to the needy. But this habit of ours, are most of the time abused by some who only thinks of themselves. 
@subhojit10 (7375)
• India
12 Apr 13
Yes that's OK my dear friend, no need to say sorry, i could have understand your words had u not mentioned it as a typo error, anyways yes u are absolutely right, the very habit of helping others is often misused by others who think that they can get their things done through us which is very disappointing. Hence we have to be watchful of people before helping them.
@jayceeg1987 (293)
• Philippines
6 Apr 13
Same thing here. I often catch myself worried if I refuse so what I'd do is still try to accomplish a request even though I am not 100% willing. I do not know maybe I am just too kind. But I am working on pleasantly saying know because I have just recently become conscious about this habit of ours.
@subhojit10 (7375)
• India
12 Apr 13
Yes u are absolutely right, the same thing is with me also, may be i am too kind that has never allowed me to say no to anyone as i find it extremely difficult to deny someone any task that is given to. i am glad to hear that u have been working on this quality so that you can control your habit to some extent.
@jayceeg1987 (293)
• Philippines
12 Apr 13
That's right. It;s a little bit of hard work though. I need to have the courage and confidence to say "no" in a way that is convincing. I hope that in time i will be able to still gain their trust even after I say no.
@subhojit10 (7375)
• India
16 Apr 13
Yes it is very hard and even today i could not say no to a person who asked me to stay for lunch at his place even though i had some work at home during the lunch hours, actually we need to be convincing enough while excusing others as u had mentioned such that we can manage things without hurting anyone.
@michellegogo (79)
• China
14 Apr 13
Haha, me too.
I think it more courage to say no than yes. However, in some cases, one no can protect you or others from getting hurt, such as an unnecessary overload work and absence in the dinner time. Perhaps keeping saying yes results from the thought that you don't want to irritate others or even want to please them.
@subhojit10 (7375)
• India
16 Apr 13
Yes you are absolutely right, saying yes is not that difficult but it really needs to courage to say no as we think that by saying no we might hurt others and that is the reason why we feel it extremely difficult to say no to others. But still there r certain situations where we might deny for good hence we should be watchful with talking to others.
@subhojit10 (7375)
• India
12 Apr 13
Yes i know even i share the same trait as you and i have seen how at times when i have some important tasks to cut out still then i have nodded my head to agree doing some other tasks, this has been my trait and i find it extremely hard to remove off, i hope i am helping others in doing so.
@subhojit10 (7375)
• India
16 Apr 13
Yeah i do not know how people perceive about not saying no to others but personally i feel that whatever may be the case, i am helping others in same way or the other, i always want to help people but in a positive way.
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
6 Apr 13
Me, it depends if i can do what is being asked for , i won't say No.
But of course if it is my boss, i cannot say no because somehow it is part of my job still, even if it is way beyond dismissal time.
@subhojit10 (7375)
• India
12 Apr 13
Ha ha ha, yeah many of us cannot deny works or assignments given to us by our bosses as eventually it will affect our professional lives. Besides i am glad that outside your corporate life u are watchful of your decisions and people who you help and i think we should all have such attitude and mindset.
@alberello (4752)
• Italy
13 Apr 13
Well, if the do not know how to say no, it's a problem, then, dear friend Mylotter, you and me have the same problem.
Even for me, to say no to others' demands, it's almost impossible!
Sometimes it is only right to say yes, especially when we help others in need. But there are circumstances where we will have to learn to be able to say an emphatic no!
I do not live life well everyday, for this very reason. The person who often insists that I meet his demands is my brother.
This does not know how to say no, it's a problem for me, which I will talk to my psychologist from the first session that will be held next Monday.
@subhojit10 (7375)
• India
16 Apr 13
Well i can understand your situation very well and to be very honest, there is absolutely no need to consult a psychologist for this thing because not able to say no comes naturally from within and we should not blame anyone for this nor we should regret for doing so, we should rather know how to gauge people and their intentions and then take our decisions.
@hemantbatra0 (194)
• India
6 Apr 13
Many times it happens to me. Many friends who had never helped me when i needed them. at that time i decided that " i will never help to these type of friends " but whenever they come to me for any help. i simply can't able to say "no" to them because i don't have habit to complaint. my thinking that help everyone many times make me put in difficult situations. :(
@subhojit10 (7375)
• India
12 Apr 13
Oh yes even i have had faced such situations before quite many times when i have helped those people who had once denied me any help or have never shown interest in me, i feel that i cannot be like them nor i do not want to reduce myself to their level hence i have helped them whenever they have asked me to do it.
@prashu228 (37525)
• India
5 Apr 13
Hi subhojit
Every habit has its own positives and negatives . I too have this habit which some times back fire mostly in the case of money matters. So we have judge accordingly when to say yes and when no . All the best
@subhojit10 (7375)
• India
12 Apr 13
Yes u are absolutely right, we have to take our judgements properly so that later on we do not regret our own decisions as it would be very late then, besides matters were money is involved we have to be extra cautious as it involves our hard earned money and also the faith of that person returning the amount to us on time.
@Adval2013 (436)
•
6 Apr 13
I guess you're right in implying that saying "no" needs to be mastered. I agree with you that it is hard for many people to say no to certain requests or demands or particular life situations. I am like you in that manner. It's painful for me to offend friends and relatives by saying no. I am not the type who could be happy seeing others hurt by my saying "no". That's kind of difficult, right?
@subhojit10 (7375)
• India
12 Apr 13
Yes dear, it is very difficult to say no especially when you are willing to help everyone in all types of situations, i have had faced many such situations where i was supposed to say no to someone but somehow i did not support my heart and mind and eventually said yes. This is still happening now and i do not know whether i am doing it correct or wrong.
@profmuhammadakhtar (103)
• Pakistan
6 Apr 13
though it is one of best thing to help the needy person in every time but in a way when u never say no it people relised that you are in good deed with the job devoted but if a child climbing from the roof of big building what you saying yes or no
@subhojit10 (7375)
• India
12 Apr 13
I can understand what u r trying to say through your response, actually the thing is that i do not say yes blindly to the people who come to me for help or on some assignments, i make it a point that by helping others, i am helping them to get done with a good thing otherwise i am always against the wrong things and if they come up to me to help them do it then i am never game for it.
@asmawahabbcs (73)
• Pakistan
6 Apr 13
Yes you are right its also my hobby. I refused without thinking. So we should think first and then refused or we can take some time to think. Don't say no hurry because its create problems for us and we can't do anything after that.
@subhojit10 (7375)
• India
12 Apr 13
Yes u are absolutely right, we should always take time to think before giving our final decisions or else we should gauge the situation and that person before saying yes or no, this way we wont regret the decisions that we have taken, besides saying no in a hurry might put some serious implications on our relationship so we have to be very careful with that.
@scubapro (1051)
• Gifu, Japan
6 Apr 13
i am yesman, this is my bad habit,i can t say no to the people,we are same,
i dont think its bad,but if you let some people who wanna use it,that time its getting bad
i love people,i am humanistic and try to support people always,but i also try to understand their charachters too.
if they deserve me,i continue friendship with them
hapy mylotting
@subhojit10 (7375)
• India
12 Apr 13
I would like to mention here that helping others is not a bad trait, in fact it is the best possible thing we are doing in our human life but allowing others to use us is bad and we have to be very much careful and watchful in that case. i am glad that u are very much helpful and is always ready to help others in need, we just need to be careful about the people around us.
@subhojit10 (7375)
• India
12 Apr 13
Oh i am glad that even u fall into my category, yes u are right, sometimes the situation forces us to such an extent that no matter what, we find it extremely difficult to say no to anyone. But whatever may be the case, i think u gave your son some amount and that is in itself great.
@TLilly12 (1229)
• United States
5 Apr 13
Yes I can say No to a lot of things, people ask me to do becauae, if I don't want to do it I won'd do it, and loaning money out to people is A No!! No!!, for me I know I won't get my money back, from them, I have been there and done that, and I won't be doing that any more, any money I earn online is mine to keep.
@subhojit10 (7375)
• India
12 Apr 13
Yes u are absolutely right, this should be the attitude wherein we can deny to do things that we feel we should not attempt and i am glad that u always stick to your mind and conscience, besides as u have mentioned about loaning money, there are many cases where the probability of getting back the money looks very slim.
