My sister, the back ground story
@GardenGerty (160777)
United States
August 5, 2015 7:32pm CST
My older sister is seventy. She has made bad choices, such as being married for almost thirty years to an abusive alcoholic husband.
Later she was living with a man who was an invalid. He used her credit to buy and build a house. He died. His son SAID he would make house payments, but did not.She became homeless, more or less.
My sister has two adult daughters, one of them lives here in this area. She lived with her for eight years, but due to some other extra people in the house my sister was feeling threatened and was hiding in her room, eating only crackers. I have been taking her to her doctor appointments for two years. She called me, wanting to move immediately. There were no low income senior apartments available for her at that time. I had her move in with me, her younger daughter helped her move. Her younger daughter was angry when we began to talk about her having her own apartment.
I love my sister, but she is negative, talks constantly and gave us no privacy. Hubby and I picked a new town to move to, she did not like it she wanted to stay in this town. There was a senior apartment available and we have just finished moving her into one. She is enjoying it. I will still take her to health appointments. Sometimes four a week. Sometimes driving four hours away.
We are all much happier this way.
7 people like this
5 responses
@glasser3 (354)
• Hibbing, Minnesota
6 Aug 15
I see nothing wrong with the decision for her to move into a Senior living apartment. If she's happy and your happy I don't see where the problem is. She is safe, taken care of and if your still providing her with transportation to and from her appointments I don't see what the big deal is.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (160777)
• United States
6 Aug 15
The younger daughter and older daughter had an agreement that the older one would watch after mom and the younger would help dad if he ever needed it, cause she would not be able to stand having her mother with her. As my brother said, younger daughter has no reason to complain. She was in a stressful place herself, and I just became the bad guy. This is probably the best thing that has ever happened for my sister, but she was scared of it at first.
@glasser3 (354)
• Hibbing, Minnesota
6 Aug 15
I can imagine that it would be scary at first, going to a new place, not knowing anyone else there, etc. Sounds to me either the younger daughter should have sucked it up and moved Mom in if her being in a Senior Apartment was such a problem. All in all I think she's probably in the best place she could be as she'll have someone there to ensure she's getting what she needs and it allows you to keep your sanity.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (160777)
• United States
6 Aug 15
@glasser3 There are lots of people just like her, who mostly sit and talk. She is making a lot of her own decisions, and for the first time in her life has complete say so over how her house is set up. She is happy and there are a lot more people for her to nose into their business. And they nose into hers.
@allknowing (137085)
• India
6 Aug 15
It is no longer the same when it comes to family issues specially one thinks only of oneself. You did the right thing. You too need your space.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (160777)
• United States
6 Aug 15
Thanks. I really think others understand this more than I can accept it.
1 person likes this
@allknowing (137085)
• India
6 Aug 15
@GardenGerty Your sister if I am permitted to say had equal responsibility to see that she did not cause you to come to this decision.
@GardenGerty (160777)
• United States
6 Aug 15
I think "caregiver" is my picture of myself. When she and I talked about the move I told her that I was treating her like she was disabled and that was not fair to either of us.
1 person likes this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
6 Aug 15
What a tough time you've had. Stress will certainly add weight...I really hope things lighten up for you now and you and your hubs can enjoy life more. Big hugs to you sweets.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (160777)
• United States
6 Aug 15
I have given up all my activities, dropped my Y membership, quit working, not in that order but basically because I had no energy to explain everything before I did it. I was already burned out on my caretaking job, and had taken a food service job against my doctor's advice, and quit it about the time I moved her in. I need to start moving again. Her health significantly improved with my cooking and care.
1 person likes this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
6 Aug 15
@GardenGerty Now it's time to take care of yourself!
1 person likes this
@Carmelanirel2 (8084)
• United States
6 Aug 15
I'm glad you got it worked out and hope that 4 hour drive isn't too often.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (160777)
• United States
6 Aug 15
The four hour drive will be once a year now. We had her right carotid artery re opened. The specialist who did it was in Kansas City at the KU Med Center.
1 person likes this