What would you do, if you're in my shoes?
By Wendy789
@Drosophila (16573)
Ireland
February 21, 2016 6:44am CST
I have a bit of a real dilemma and I really could do with some opinions other than my own.
I am great friends with this guy. We talk a lot and hang out a fair bit. I do like him a lot.
Short version, I found out he's got a girlfriend. Not that he was trying to hide it from me or anything, just the topic never came up.
Whilst I do like the guy, I also have no interest in other girl's boyfriend.
I've been trying to "cool" things off on my end. But he came back claiming we're just friends and I was over-thinking it.
So...what would you do in this situation?
37 people like this
42 responses
@simone10 (54189)
• Louisville, Kentucky
22 Feb 16
@Drosophila Maybe you should sit down and have a serious talk with him. That way you can let him know how you feel and he can also let you know how he feels.
2 people like this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
22 Feb 16
@simone10 I'm just not very good at talking about my feelings.. definitely with the people I like. .
1 person likes this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
21 Feb 16
I'm not convinced he sees me purely as friend, but then I could be wrong.
6 people like this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
21 Feb 16
That was my original thoughts too, I'm not into other people's partners.
5 people like this
@allknowing (130292)
• India
22 Feb 16
There is nothing like platonic friendship if that is what your friend has in mind.
6 people like this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
22 Feb 16
Erm, I don't think that's purely that. But then, I don't know, as I got "friend-zoned".
2 people like this
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
23 Feb 16
@Drosophila I think that's better , because it's not drastic .
1 person likes this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
22 Feb 16
I guess, I could try to treat him like an acquaintance than a close friend. we'll see how it goes
3 people like this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
23 Feb 16
@SIMPLYD Lol ya am not a person with a flare for drama
1 person likes this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
21 Feb 16
The thing is we do get on really well as friends. So it's a bit tricky giving that up, I don't usually like people, it's rare that I do like someone.
Am also not hugely convinced he sees me purely as friend, but then I don't know.
It's an odd situation alright.
5 people like this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
22 Feb 16
Ya, I've never been able to do that. Being friends with someone I like, so we'll see how this works out.
2 people like this
@Rite17 (773)
• United Kingdom
21 Feb 16
Can be difficult when you start liking someone and then find out it isnt recipricated. I have been in this situation before and have talked to the guy and because of it beong one sided he understood why I couldn't stay friends with him. althoough after time, I met someone who I would never be apart from and he comes back into my life saying he was wrong to have let the friendship go..
I find out he is single after they got engaged and he realised he couldn't go through with it. Apparently didn't feel as strongly for her as they did for someone else. No idea who but never got a chace to come back into my life again.
5 people like this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
21 Feb 16
Good to hear about your experience. It's definitely an interesting one. I am not entirely sure the feelings he has towards me are purely platonic.. but then hey! I could be wrong. A bit confused over all lol
4 people like this
@Rite17 (773)
• United Kingdom
21 Feb 16
@Drosophila You are best talking to him, cos either way, it sounds like you won't be friends for much longer if it gets too awkward between you both.
4 people like this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
21 Feb 16
@Rite17 Ya, am just not altogether great at broaching the subject..
4 people like this
@mammots (3209)
• Philippines
22 Feb 16
@Drosophila Friends with benefits thats probably what he wants to have with you.
2 people like this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
22 Feb 16
I hate this "friend-zone" greatest trespasses are conducted under the guise of friendship
2 people like this
@infatuatedbby (94921)
• United States
21 Feb 16
How did the topic go when he said "we're just friends". Was he trying to make a move on you or vice versa?
4 people like this
@infatuatedbby (94921)
• United States
22 Feb 16
@Drosophila
He sure is confusing especially since he has a girlfriend. Where is this girlfriend? Overseas or something? Because it sounds like the two of you hang out quite often and he didn't mention having a girlfriend until later.
There was no signs? Like Facebook, Instagram, Social Media if he's on any. Or at his place - no pictures of this girl?
I find it hard to think he doesn't have any feelings for you to hang out with you all the time. Most people if they had a girlfriend/boyfriend - they'd spend majority of their time together or at least mention them right??
5 people like this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
21 Feb 16
Actually, I found out about his girlfriend and just dropped off the radar.
Then he hit me up to go "what happened to you etc".
I: "well, I don't think we should spend so much time together."
He:"we're good friends, and we can continue 2b good friends. why are you over-reacting about this".
Then, I did think maybe I was over-thinking it. But I don't think I am. Anyways.. confusion time lol
4 people like this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
22 Feb 16
@infatuatedbby He actually doesn't post much on Facebook. No Instagram. I've only been to his place once and very briefly, so wasn't looking around for anything. We mostly meet up for coffee, lunch, dinner and so on.
I actually know very little about the girlfriend. I also don't know if asking too much is prying...
2 people like this
@rajendraingale (289)
• Estado De Mexico, Mexico
21 Feb 16
In my opinions , you should just be the way you are with him and continue with the friendship in the best possible way without overthinking about anything. Like you wrote that he didn't hide that he has a girlfriend so he is not cheating or doing something wrong on the contrary he looks at you as a good friend and he wishes to continue in the same way. Don;t spoil thinking about other things which would affect your friendship.
In future you never know what may happen and thinking about the future don't ruin the friendship which you have right now.
4 people like this
@rajendraingale (289)
• Estado De Mexico, Mexico
22 Feb 16
@Drosophila
I'm sure you would figure it out as time solves big mysteries and this for sure would turn out into something good. I wish you all the best .
5 people like this
@rajendraingale (289)
• Estado De Mexico, Mexico
22 Feb 16
@Drosophila
Always a pleasure.
Absolutely, When things are taken and thought about patiently, they definitely turns out into something good which gives us happiness and satisfaction of what you did at the time without just letting it go.
Have a lovely day ahead.
1 person likes this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
22 Feb 16
@rajendraingale Thanks thanks! ya, I hope so. In a way, whichever direction this goes, am sure it will be for the best in the long run. :)
2 people like this
@bluesa (15023)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
21 Feb 16
Oh, this is a sticky situation. Especially if he knows you might see him as more than a friend, then he should rather be trying to cool things down too, and not tell you, you are over-thinking things, still trying to spend alone time with you... To save yourself heartache or frustration, maybe take a step back.
4 people like this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
21 Feb 16
Ya, he's another one, whenever I try to drop off for a bit I get reeled right back in. LOL
It's like he'd hit me up and go "hey, thought we're friends"
"why are you blowing this out of proportion".
5 people like this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
23 Feb 16
@bluesa thanks thanks! ya, at the moment I really don't know what the next step will be. If any. :)
1 person likes this
@bluesa (15023)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
23 Feb 16
@Drosophila , then he really is clueless. I hope you figure out if you are still comfortable to try to be his friend, if not, tell him, the friendship is over. But, only you can decide. Best with all.
1 person likes this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
21 Feb 16
That's what I was doing for sure, but then he does have a way to make me think am over-reacting
3 people like this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
22 Feb 16
@Scindhia That's it, I mostly don't. So it gets my attention when someone tells me I am.
2 people like this
@Scindhia (1906)
• India
22 Feb 16
@Drosophila Most men think we are over reacting 
4 people like this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
22 Feb 16
That's it, am not sure I want to be waiting on the side.
I've never been one to hang around other people's good and hope they'd chuck it, so I can pick it up xD
1 person likes this
@Kboy26 (143)
• Columbia, South Carolina
24 Feb 16
@Drosophila If it is meant to be, it will happen.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (157907)
• United States
22 Feb 16
If anyone on the outside could misunderstand your relationship, then it needs to be cooled off. I like @JJ 's suggestion. You need to do something like that. Also you need to find ways to be busy at times when he thinks he should have your attention.
2 people like this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
22 Feb 16
I definitely need to invest my time in more fruitful matters.
@irishidid (8687)
• United States
21 Feb 16
I agree with JJ. If he's got a girl friend she should come along.
4 people like this
@HazySue (39264)
• Gouverneur, New York
21 Feb 16
@Drosophila if you only want friendship I would stay friends. If you want more I would back away. Good luck.
3 people like this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
21 Feb 16
This makes sense.. now the hard part, "what do I want".
4 people like this
@Daljinder (23233)
• Bangalore, India
22 Feb 16
You are not over-reacting. If you feel even a teensy bit that he does NOT just see you just as a friend then he probably does not. And remember guys will do and say anything to get you to comply...
JJ said it right. If he says again that you are over-reacting then tell him "Fine I apologize but I am not comfortable anymore with meeting you alone. Bring along your girlfriend. I have no problem meeting with you then... I hope as a "friend" you will understand that"
lol His response to this would seal the deal for you.... 
2 people like this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
22 Feb 16
lol.. tbh am scared of meeting the girlfriend.
1 person likes this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
22 Feb 16
@Daljinder Lol. I don't get on with women in real life. They always find me weird. I always say something that naturally scares them. so ya, most of my friends are men.
1 person likes this
@Daljinder (23233)
• Bangalore, India
22 Feb 16
@Drosophila Why be scared when you hadn't done anything wrong?? Be confident girl... Your wariness to meet her would put you under suspicion in girlfriend's eyes. It won't help at all. More complications... 
1 person likes this
@BillKasman1 (49)
• Edinburgh, Scotland
21 Feb 16
A tricky situation. Probably best to keep your distance - at least while he has a girlfriend. If that relationship ends then he's fair game!
3 people like this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
21 Feb 16
Ya, that was definitely my original thoughts! But then I got the "friend card" and it gets a bit confusing lol
4 people like this
