Is it wrong to ask why...just why?
@1creekgirl (40586)
United States
April 18, 2024 4:31pm CST
I think I wrote recently that I was so disappointed last week when I didn't get to go to the ladies' meeting at a neighborhood church. Turns out it got rescheduled and I was so happy to hope to go.
Dale has preached at that church and I've sung...we've all been neighbors for many years and always felt so welcome. We had even been talking about attending services there.
I went to the get together last night which also included a few women from other churches. I was very excited about being around some other ladies I really like.
They have a new pastor "Jane" who planned the program and there were about 17 of us. The candles and decorations were so warm and inviting.
Jane started and I said something, a word or two and right off she made it clear we were not to speak unless she gave her permission. Not in those words, but everyone knew.
She should be an actress because no one was supposed to interrupt her performance. I'm not exaggerating. She's a total control freak.
One time she told us "Enjoy these delicious refreshments and take all you want!! But if you try to go back for seconds, I'll see you out the door."
She covered it with laughter, but there was an awkward pause. That's when I should have walked out.
I've been around her at two chuch meetings and it was clear everything was totally about her.
But I thought all us ladies could enjoy being there together, but that didn't happen. I barely had a chance to talk to any of them. A few others may have felt the same way because they weren't their usual friendly selves.
One time Jane embarrassed a lady I was sitting next to. Not sure if anyone else heard it, but it was so unkind.
We sure won't be going to that church as long as Jane is there.
So, that was a huge disappointment last night. I wish I hadn't even gone.
19 people like this
20 responses
@Marilynda1225 (79920)
• United States
18 Apr
That really does sound like a wasted night out . It's really disappointing when someone has to monopolize the evening and make it miserable and uncomfortable for everyone else.
3 people like this
@1creekgirl (40586)
• United States
19 Apr
But the strange thing to me is, was I the only miserable one? Two of the ladies from that church whom I really like seemed a little less friendly and I wonder if they felt like I did.
1 person likes this
.@much2say (53944)
• Los Angeles, California
19 Apr
@1creekgirl It seems she brings on a negative vibe . . . not very pastor-like, to me. No matter who or what a person is, it's a turn off. It's possible some people are ok with that, but it certainly wouldn't sit well with me either.
1 person likes this
@1creekgirl (40586)
• United States
19 Apr
Exactly. It's like she has this "cover" and seems to be so religious, but theatrical and is a performance you'd better not interrupt.
2 people like this
@1creekgirl (40586)
• United States
19 Apr
Honestly, Anna, it was like those women all thought she was great and why was I the only one who saw who she really was?
2 people like this
@RasmaSandra (73642)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
18 Apr
She sounds very odd and I would also wish to avoid her,
3 people like this
@1creekgirl (40586)
• United States
19 Apr
I will avoid her in the future, that's for sure.
2 people like this
@MarieCoyle (28889)
•
18 Apr
You are dealing with an extremely narcissistic individual. No one can change her, at least not that I know of. I dealt once with a person that I thought was a friend, but her big narcissist traits showed up big time before long. The only things that work with dealing with people like that is to just walk away. If asked why, be blunt. Telling her you will not speak to her unless you get an apology will literally shake her to her core. People like her want YOU to do what she wants you to do.
Run, don't walk! I would!
2 people like this
@1creekgirl (40586)
• United States
19 Apr
Marie, this is a very wise and intuitive comment. You're right. She's probably the biggest narcissist I've been around. I won't say anything to the ladies in the church unless they come right out and ask me, but I would tell her how I feel about how she ruined the get together.
Hopefully I won't even get that chance because I don't plan to ever be around her again.
1 person likes this
@MarieCoyle (28889)
•
19 Apr
@1creekgirl
It would be good to avoid her at all costs. Your peace of mind is more important. You made a good decision.
1 person likes this
@1creekgirl (40586)
• United States
19 Apr
@MarieCoyle I just wish I had walked out.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (98908)
• India
19 Apr
She needs a lesson in public speaking and social engagement.
My assessment is, she is not happy with her job.
She is more of a mouse. Happy to be hiding. She is forced by her designation to talk...and doesn't know what to talk.
To keep her thoughts in order, she tries to control everybody lest she drifts into a territory nobody is familiar with and maybe a taboo too.
So the control freak thing is actually a method devised to control herself. She prepares what she wants to talk.
She believes she has to sound humorous, so she tries to be witty, but fails miserably.
I say she is a mouse because I believe she has been subjected to humiliating remarks while others enjoyed such stuff. She believes, that is how she is supposed to be, to get more people to enjoy her talk.
Can she be repaired? If she meets right person who can improve her communication skills. Basically, a person with inferiority complex.
2 people like this
@kaylachan (58027)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
18 Apr
It's a real shame that happened, but you shouldn't have any regrets. Being disappointed sure, but how could you have known the night would've gone the way it did.
2 people like this
@1creekgirl (40586)
• United States
19 Apr
That's funny you say that because my husband said he suspected it would turn out that way. Being a lay leader and preacher, he's been around her more than I have over the years. But he knew how much I wanted to go.
1 person likes this
@kaylachan (58027)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
19 Apr
@1creekgirl It's important to try. I hope it wasn't totally rouined.
1 person likes this
@1creekgirl (40586)
• United States
19 Apr
@kaylachan It was. Even two of the ladies who are always so friendly seemed "off."
@RebeccasFarm (86837)
• United States
18 Apr
Sorry to read this Vicki..isn't there always one.
2 people like this
@1creekgirl (40586)
• United States
19 Apr
There is always that one, for sure. I know in my mind and heart that that get together could have been so wonderful with those nice ladies.
@xFiacre (12621)
• Ireland
18 Apr
@1creekgirl Oh dear, sounds like someone needs to loosen up and let others enjoy themselves - and I don't mean you!
2 people like this
@1creekgirl (40586)
• United States
19 Apr
I'll never understand why they hired her again as pastor. They're such a wonderful congregation. It doesn't make sense to me.
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (206231)
• Walnut Creek, California
19 Apr
@1creekgirl Control freaks can be difficult. Especially when it comes to having a constructive conversation where both parties learn something new.
1 person likes this
@1creekgirl (40586)
• United States
19 Apr
I know it will keep us from going there. And we really had planned on going there more often.
1 person likes this
@1creekgirl (40586)
• United States
19 Apr
That really sums it up, Chicaa. And we were so happy about finding a warm and friendly church family.
@GardenGerty (157647)
• United States
19 Apr
You went, or God allowed you to go, so that you would see the true colors of Jane, and would not waste yours and Dale's time attending regularly.
1 person likes this
@LeaPea2417 (36486)
• Toccoa, Georgia
19 Apr
Is she the Pastor of the whole Church?
1 person likes this
@LeaPea2417 (36486)
• Toccoa, Georgia
20 Apr
@1creekgirl I may offend some people but I honestly think women should not be Pastors. I Timothy Chapter 3 explains it well.
1 person likes this
@1creekgirl (40586)
• United States
21 Apr
@LeaPea2417 I have mixed feelings, but I think in general that women sometimes don't handle authority well.
1 person likes this
@1creekgirl (40586)
• United States
19 Apr
Yes, she's just come back for two more years starting soon, I think.
1 person likes this
@LindaOHio (156804)
• United States
19 Apr
I'm so sorry it turned out so badly. I wouldn't want to go to her church either.
1 person likes this
@1creekgirl (40586)
• United States
19 Apr
The aggravating thing is that church is such a wonderful group of people.
1 person likes this
