Rage
@beautifulceiling (1300)
United States
January 30, 2007 12:27am CST
Everyone gets annoyed. Everyone gets upset. Everyone gets angry. That's not what I'm talkiing about here. Although I am happy and have generally found the peace in my life that comes from not allowing others to control my emotions, there are still a few issues on the back burners of my mind which I know are nothing more than carefully controlled rage. These are remnants of things that happened to me that have not been resolved and I never got closure. I know I never will. Or if I do, it will only be by the same process that I've used to get past my "regular" anger. I will have to forgive. Not the "it's OK, grumble, grumble" kind of forgiveness, but the real thing. The one where the person never says they're sorry, and in fact BLAMES ME for the unspeakable things he did to me, and forgive him from the bottom of my heart with no hard feelings. I just don't know if that is possible. So the rage simmers on.
Anyone else dealing with this?
1 response
@netti2nite (87)
• United States
31 Jan 07
It's very difficult to comment on this post because I'm not sure of the situation.
Everyone is different in what they want, expect, need, etc.
Just from your words spoken, I am just going to comment on whats in my head.
Not EVERYthing in life, needs to be forgiven. You forgive someone because they ask for it, there is no reason to forgive to make yourself feel better, when the other person doesn't feel like they've done anything wrong, and when in fact they are blaming you.
In my opinion, if you feel in your heart and soul that you have done nothing wrong, when the other person blames you for those things, then all you can do is feel pity for the other person. Just shake your head and say tisk tisk.
Feeling pity for an "idiot" is so much easier then anger. You will never get that person to admit wrong, so the only thing you can do is feel sorry for them because they will never grow up, or see what is outside the box, and never know that the world doesn't revolve around them. I would feel much better just knowing that until that person wakes up, they will never find happiness.
1 person likes this
@beautifulceiling (1300)
• United States
31 Jan 07
Thank you for your comment. It was very useful. What I've been doing is focusing on feeling good about being the one that stops the cycle. Because I believe that people abuse others because they have their own rage from what someone else did to them. I don't think that makes it OK, but I know it is a struggle since I have my own rage. So every time I feel it boiling up inside me I tell myself that I hated it when someone else went ahead and took it out on me and I'm going to be the one who breaks the chain. It can be so difficult though. I think you have a good perspective on it and I will keep this in mind.
