Did you or will you tell your adopted child about their birth parents?

I can't answer from experience but I have always wondered WHY someone would "lie" to their child about their background. I myself think it's best if you're honest from the start. You of course give age appropriate information but I think to let a child know they were not a "mistake" but "chosen" by you to be theirs is so very special! I also think it's natural for a child to want to know all they can about a birth parent even if they are NOT involved with the child. I know it's easier to say what we think then to live it and perhaps I am wrong but I think I would always choose to let my child know from the start that they were adopted and very well loved by me!

mmmm..the child deserves to know their past...everyone must have a history of some sorts...even if its not so good....what do you think will happen if you dont know ur past.....

When that time comes i will tell my adopted child who are his real parents are. If the child is interested to know i think it is his right to know his birth parents.

I'm an adopted child (well, no longer a child, but still) I was adopted when I was 10 weeks old, but I was placed in foster care when I was 4 weeks old by my birth mother. The reason for this is because her husband was due out of prison and I wasn't his child. He didn't know she was pregnant. My adoptive parents told me right from an early age that I was adopted. They told me it made me special because they hand picked me to be their child because they couldn't have any of their own. I've searched high and low for my birth parents, but sadly I had to come to the conclusion that they don't want to be found - my mother in particular. I feel that your nieces birth family were very unfair to her. Asking her to move in with them when she was 18 wasn't right. It's like asking a complete stranger to enter your lives. They had her adopted and then decided 18 years later that they want her back? Sorry, they gave up those rights when they gave her up for adoption!

If the adopted child ask about her origins, then she must know. It is better that she knows because sometimes adpoted child have space in the heart looking for their birth parents. Allowing them to decide for their own would make her a better person.

SUPOSE i got small baby,I like to grow the baby.i will give love the baby. but that baby will 20years old she got born mammy & papa for few mts that baby get happy with them but she will attached me only.

I do not have adopted children, but if I did, I would tell my child the truth when young.

Adopted parents have the right to tell there adopted kids that there not there birth parents. Its hard enough not knowing that the people who raised you aren't blood related to you and let them know why.

My step father adopted me when I was two. When I was sixteen I met my sisters and brother at school. My mother told me that when I was eighteen I could meet my father if I wanted, but not before. Meeting my father was strange, most of my contact with him was through one sister that I had become fairly good friends with from school. About a month after meeting my father and step mother - I got my own apartment. My father and stepmother sent my sister to live with me. She was seventeen and in trouble a lot and they didn't want to mess with it. My father and stepmother thought that they were going to start making decisions in my life. Things were really rocky for the first year or so. My sister got me kicked out of my apartment along with a big load of debt because she wouldn't work and I was supporting us both while working at McDonalds. Over the next five years my sister lived with me eight times. Whenever she got into finacial difficulty my father and stepmother expected me to help her. It was always brought to my attention that they only reason that I knew them was because of her. So I owed her. Eventually she married someone in another country and left. The relationship with my father and stepmother disintergrated and I was kicked out of the family for three years. Now any contact is initiated by me. I may talk to them about once a year. Your neice did what was best by staying with her adoptive family. The birth family had no "family rights" to demand.

Well I was adopted as well and my (blood father's sister) my (now mom) adopted me and I did not know of this till I was thirteen years old.... It was very devastating for me and it still is.... If I ever consider in my life adopting children I will probably adopt the ones who do not have anyone in this world.

Whew. I'm glad it worked out.I believe that an adopted child should have the option to search for their birth parents.They should get the names of their birth parents by the age of 18, just like your niece.And it should always be up to the child if they meet their birth parents or not. There could be a case where the child doesn't want to look or meet with their birth parents and that's okay too.

for me, yes the adoptive family should be honest with their adopted child about his/her true identity, but they shoul be careful in telling it, they should first be ready with the consequence,

I think it's really unfair for the adoptive parents to have that arrangements. The biological parents were not there during those 18 years of her life and they have no right to do what they now want to do. I only think of this as an escape for responsibilities for the birth parents when they first have this baby then now that they don't have to change diapers and have sleepless nights anymore they'll took her back. If I'll be in this kind of situation I won't let my adopted child know about his or her biological parents until he or she is old enough like 30 something. So he can decide on his own.

Hi kbkbooks it really nice that your niece knows everything about her parents.One thing its really nice that you promised that after 18 she would get to meet her birth parents.I knew its wrong that her parents are trying to move her from you.But remember one thing that one mom cannot forget her child throughout her life.Its God gift relationship no one can break it.I am Thankful to you that atleat you have given the permission to meet and be friends.you are mom and one mom can understand other mom problem very well.

She proved that her love for her adpotive parents was stronger that just a biological connection. I also think it was wrong of the biological prents to ask her to move in with them.

I know it is hard for the parents to tell the truth to their adoptive child about their biological parents. But I guess children must know the truth. And parents should take the risk of losing the child. But most of the adoptive children only want to know/meet their biological parents but doesn't live with them. For they know that their adoptive parents love them as their own child.

i will tell my adopted child about their birth parents. i will tell them because i want to open enough, no secrets and to be honest to them.i want them also to be aware about those things because its their right to know their birth parents. i think her birth parents was so unfair because after leaving their child then when their child grew up and have a happy family with their adopted parents then they will try to move her daughter in with them..

if ever i have an adopted child,i will tell my adopted about their birth parents because its their rights to know about their parents. and theres nothing wrong of telling your adopted child about their parents atleast you are open to them and honest and thats the important part on it..what do you think?

In the first place why did her biological parents let the child be adopted when they want to gt the child back after 18 years. That's really unfair! For me the adoptive parents have more rights to the child than the biological parents since the adopted parents are the ones who raised the child. Even if i'm the child I would love my adoptive parents more because I grew up with them. They were the ones being responsible for me and have showed me love and treated me as their own.

My 2 sons are adopted , they have the same birth parents. I believe in being totally honest with my children and see no point in lieing .I have decided to let the boys meet their birth mom in about a month just so that they can talk about why they no longer live with her. I agree with you that the birth family was wrong to even suggest that. I am happy to hear that she decided to stay with her true family.