To Obey Or Not To Obey? (Wedding Vows)

I'm writing my own Wedding Vows, and the word obey will not be in them, nor will any kind of wording that would imply that I should bow down or submit to my husband in any way. I'm getting married and as an equal partnership so the marriage should be equal. Equal in the sense that I am not shackled to doing whatever my husband thinks I should do as a dutiful wife. I think the word obey is a matter of personal choice, although I think it's more of a religious thing these days. I have a Christian friend who's getting married next month, and she is using the traditional vows, including the word obey. I find that many people are going the non traditional route these days though. I think it's a sign of things changing.

Obey for wives was made way back in the olden days. When woman wern't worth much. I think everyone is equal and no one should have to OBEY anyone else. When it is two consenting adults they bot should be able to choose or decide what they want. They can talk it over with their spouse and maybe come to a mutual agreement but no obeying one or the other.

i am not into the word obey actually. but more so, i am into respect. i love the word respect more when it comes to wedding vows. respecting your partner (and ofcourse, each other) strengthens the relationship of the couple. love will always be there. it's the main ingredient of a life long marriage. but with respect attached to it, everything comes along... being obedient, trusthworthy and everything. i go for respect than obedience.

I do not obey to nobody, are married and I have maintained the promises to me, my husband not, we have divorced. The life is mine for better or for worse if I make errors I pay, but nobody only God can give orders

To obey was not in our vows. It is a good thing it wasn't...or I would be in trouble by now. As a matter of fact when the JP asked me if I took my husband to be my...." I paused and he said would you like me to repeat that? :)

practically i dont think it will be possible to obey... so taking vow to obey makes no point!!what i ment is wife should definatly obey husbands and so does husbands! but in this generation this is not possible! to some extent one might obey !!!

obey is an ancient word used as a time with men were dominant over women and women were their property. Women did not become people until the early 1900's, before that they were property just like children of their husband's and if they were not married of their fathers. I like the traditional marriage vows and when I married the first time I used them, but if I get married again, I don't think that word is appropriate.

I think the traditional vow and the obey that it used is misused and misunderstood. If you study the bible it says for the wife to obey the husband but it also tells the husband to protect the wife and honer her as a weaker person. A lot of men want the obey part but are not willing to do their part and help the wife, provide for them, and give them the respect and honor they deserve. As you said they want to lead their wives around with by a nose ring. But they are not willing to do their part and the wife suffers. I have done counseling for married couples who were having problems and it always stemmed from the husband being a tyrant and wanting complete submission from his wife while not doing their duties as a husband. Submission is another word that is miss used. It is from a military word which means to fall into place. Both a husband and wife has a palce to fall into but neither of them is the general of the army that gives the orders. God is and they both need to turn to God and please him. We left out the obey in our vows. Our's were love, honor and cherish. I am not the lord over my wife. I am her equal, her partner and her love as she is mine. We are very close and are best friends. We respect each other and listen to each other and love each other. If a relationship is to work that is how it works. Not by being lord and slave to each other. I am not saying that we are perfect because we do have problems now and then but neither of us could imagine being without the other.

I think no one uses the "obey" vows anymore, even if they do it's just a customary thing and no one would really take it seriously and submitting to the vow or asking for it. I would want a loving and understanding wife not an "obeying" one.

I would say the word obey has a different meaning than the one everyone is probably thinking.I think it is referring to obeying to respaect eachother, not obeying as if a person is a dog obeying it's master.

Our wedding vows are personally written by us and there is no "obey" or "submit" word in it, but as a wife, I know I have to submit to my husband since he is the head of the family and he is the one that was put by God to be in charge over me, he is accountable to me and to our would be children.It is God's will for the wives to submit to thier husband.

When i got hitched we left it in and said the same vows for both so we both said obey in the vows It shoudl eb in there for other wis ethe vows get watered down adn do not mean what they are suppose to that both are becomming one and promising to be each others for ever if you start taking things out the it will eventually be be "Do ya" "yeah i guess" "ok, do you" "whatever" "okay lets party" "guys and gals the newleyweds Mr. John Smith and Jane Jones may i last as long as the keg does."

A Christian woman is to obey her husband. The man is the head of the house, the way God is the head of the church. When I marry, I plan to obey my husband in everything. I mean, we can discuss things and try to compromise, but he has the final say. This is why the Bible says that a man is to love his wife and she is to respect her husband. A man should love his wife the way he loves himself.

You must obey your wedding vows, because its your guide toward your happiness with your family. i really think you must obey what you just said to your wedding if you really like to be with your wife in every years of your life.

I will and someone said all guys cheat. Not wise words, but I for one respect them as what they are. something important, not just when you made them but forever. Personally for me if you want to cheat don't get married, because it's not really the "thing" So yes I will. ~Joey P.s I love my wife too much to even consider anything else.

For me, a wedding vow is more a vow to God. I vowed in front of God that I will obey/submit to my husband, same as my husband also vowed in front of God to love me. While wives were vowed to obey, the husbands were also vowed to love their wives as they love themselves. I submit to my husband, not because who he is, but because I honor the role that God has given to me as a wife. I do not change my surname to my husband's name, but this is not because I don't want to obey my husband, just a more practical and effective thing. In my point of view, if you submit to your husband, it does not mean that you lose against your husband. In marriage, there is no win or lose, there is only your journey together to build a happy family.

I believe marriage is a partnership....with both people discussing and compromising.

I did vow to obey and respect my husband when we get married, it is one of God's commandments for a happy and blessed marriage. I did uphold my vow that I obey everything that my husband wanted me to do even obeyed his will to make me his punching bag. Oh, I wasn't bitter with my marriage vows, I always think marriage vows our sacred, it's just that I wasn't lucky enough...

Obey will not be part of my wedding vows. I don't believe that I should obey him nor should he obey me. We are equals. I am the type that if someone commands me to do soemthing I will do the opposite. Or sometimes I even bulk. I am a human that should be asked to do something.

Call me old fashioned or naive, but I have no problem with obeying or submitting to my husband. In return he respects me and honors me. I know it sounds crazy, but if the both of you are willing to devote your lives to each other than there should be no reason not to obey. I trust that he would not have me do anything that would be disrespectful of myself or go against my wishes. I am not going to be stupid either. If it got to a point where what he wanted me to do was something that I just couldn't do then something would be said, but I don't think there is any problem with obeying.