My husband wants a divorce and already left the house. He does not want to talk
By shekira
@shekira (2)
Netherlands Antilles
July 20, 2006 6:06pm CST
On May 20, 2006 my husband told me that “this” doesn’t work, that “this” is over. That he needs space; he doesn’t feel the same way as before, that he wants to do different things with his work/ job. That he has a lot of pressure. Lately he has been spending a lot of money on our house project; he made a pool, office, additional bathroom. This construction cost him three times what he was suppose to. Financially he his going through a rough time, he owes money to his parents, grandmother, and friend. He even has the American Express up to $10,000. He also has two other credit cards and two lines of credits. I want to help and support him but he doesn’t want to get help. I told him that we should go through marriage counseling and he doesn’t want to. He left the house a month and a half ago and since then I haven’t spoken to him nor seen him. He now lives with his parents. I miss him very much and I would like for him to come back home. He does not have money but does have money for his sports car. I think that his priorities are not the same as mine. He is very ambitious and loves money, well he is a CPA. He likes to spend money and have a nice life. My priorities are different, I wanted a Baby and He doesn’t want one for now. He says that I’ve been pressuring him a lot with the baby issue. We both have faults in our relationship but I think we can work things out. I want to save my marriage but he doesn’t event want to talk to me. He says that everything is going to be talked through the lawyers. I would like to know what I should do in this situation. I know that is only been only a month and a half and that I should give him his space. I think he is very confused and took a very fast decision. He already filed for divorce and the reason is “Irreconcilable differences” and as an alternative that I treated him bad. I will like to talk to him but I can’t find the way to do so. I’m afraid to go to where he works at because he might reject me. I thought that I was in the happiest time in my relationship. Please, tell me what to do.
Thank You, Shekira
6 responses
@20211347 (4)
•
21 Jul 06
Dear Shekira,
In my idea and according to your notes, your husband is not mature. Living with the family is not the clue for finding the persons' maturity. I do not agree with one of the members to solve the problem with lawyer, because you (both) have time to discuss the problem together and try to solve them. You did not tell anything for the other problems. Are you sure you described everything? In a divorce, both of the sides make faults. Why do not you want to solve the problem with a family psychologist?
Your husband constructed everything for your house and suddenly left home. When he decided to construct, he wanted to change something (you know what I mean.). You changed outside, but didn't repair inside your souls.
Please try to feel him. Close your eyes for a while and think about all the past with yourself (honestly). You will find all your faults and his faults. Then you can find a way to attract him with the changes you have made (physically and psychologically). After a while, he will change himself, because you have done it.
Sincerely
Babak
@Andy77 (430)
• United States
21 Jul 06
Sedel1027 has given you very good advice. Your husband is not mature enough for marriage and a family. The fact that he went home to Mom and Dad is very revealing of his immaturity. He's hoping they will bail him out of the situation he's in. It's good that you didn't have a baby yet. It's not easy to raise a child alone and your husband wouldn't help you because he is self-centered, not family-centered. Get a good lawyer; you shouldn't have to pay all the debts, but be prepared, you may have to pay half. Someday you will meet a wonderful man who wants a family; don't rush into another relationship for a long while. Give yourself time to heal and try not to be bitter. By the way, you are not at fault, but he'll try to tell others you are. Immature people can't take responsibility for their actions and mistakes.
@sedel1027 (17846)
• Cupertino, California
21 Jul 06
Since he is asking for space and has requested a divorce, get yourself a lawyer. Explain to your lawyer how you feel and what is going on. Your lawyer can request fromt he court that prior to the divorce proceddings that you must both attend counseling prior to the divorce settlement being sealed in stone.
How long were you married? What kind of marriage decree do you have? What state are you in? That can affect your actual rights.
Personally, if I was you, I would let him file for divorce and take on all the debt himself and have him give you the house, That way even if you can reconcile later on, he will have the debt on him.
Do you really want to be married to someone who is not willing ot work on your relationship? How was he prior to him being pressured and spending alot of money, would he work things out with you or anyone?
@naidugopal (941)
• India
21 Jul 06
Miz shakira, i do understand ur concern, however u r husband is going to divorce you, i thought it is not possible without your permission, and i would like to say another answer to this, u dont mind,
if he dislikes you then u look for some one else who is suitable and close to your ideas and taste.
@janjani (21)
•
21 Jul 06
Hi respected lady i read ur problem i can feel its tention which you are faccing now. Initially it will be not easily to give the full solution of your problem any how I see that advice of sedel1027, on the other hand I only know one thing this world is very big, u loves someone and who don’t loves to u, but keep in mind try to live only those people who want to give u respect and love, I can understand ur feeling to save ur house but if other person has full plan to get the separation then u just try to save u. leave him where he want to go. Just think on that topic how can u get benefits after leaving him, otherwise what will happen, he will leave u only with sorrows and a penny less pocket, so initially I can’t say u what is the law of ur motherland which type protection its give u. you may feel free to contact me for further assistance if u like. I just advised a woman whose husband left her, but now she learned to survive in honorable way. My add is jankeyjan@yhaoo.com , God give a better solution to you bye.
