Past week's cloud has now lifted and been dragged away by a loved one..
By raydene
@raydene (9871)
United States
April 19, 2007 11:30am CST
The past week since my sister chose to discontinue all food and treatment there was a very dark cloud hanging over me and mine...
Each day I woke up in a suspended state with this darkness just over my head..
Each day one thing after another went wrong...
Then to add insult to injury came the big storm...
I had no phone or internet or cable when I needed them the most...
Tuesday I hit my lowest point when Silky our Morgan mare gave birth to a stillborn palamino stud colt..
I couldn't even react...
I just felt like I had nothing left...
My daughter cried her eyes out about the little dead body and I could not even muster up any reaction...
In my defence I had suspected the foal was not going to live for some months now..
Don't know why just a feeling..
I was just numb...
It seems like even the clouds had a fit of crying and couldn't stop for days when me I had cried too much and had no tears left...
Then today the day we all have dreaded and couldn't wait for to come is here...
As Joanie left this earth she took the cloud with her freeing me of it..
I know this sounds strange but I suffered with her day after day and now that she is gone she has left me to go back to my life...
She has given me peace..
Does anyone understand what I mean or am I totally out of it?
Do I make any sence to you?
3 people like this
9 responses
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
20 Apr 07
you make perfect sense to me, the watching and waiting is and was the worst on my family as well. We were living but not really living, at work in the back of my mind was the wondering would I get that phone call here at work, etc.
There is a sense of relieve when those questions have finally be asked and we are released from the emotional bondage.
4 people like this
@kathy77 (7486)
• Australia
20 Apr 07
Yes I know you have been through a very rough week Raydene, it must of been dreadful for you and on top of everything else then you lost your dear beloved sister. Oh no you must of been through a dreadful week with everything going wrong for you. Yes I sure understand you Raydene, and my prays will continue for you to give you strength, and now of course you have peace as you understand that Joan is out of pain and no more having to suffer, and no you definately are not out of it at all and yes you do make a lot of sense to me as I myself have been through very trying days in my life and have overcome it so I do understand you.
4 people like this
@weemam (13372)
•
19 Apr 07
Yes you are making a lot of sense , I think when you were crying for the foal you were crying for Joanie too , and in a way it helped to get it all out , Joanie suffered a lot for some time now , and now she doesn't she will be in heaven fit and well and watching you , Things will get better for you and as they say time is a great healer , just give it time sweetheart , you are only human no matter how strong you are , God Bless you My special friend xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
@weemam (13372)
•
19 Apr 07
I think you really do know in your heart that it was her time to go she has suffered enough, you also know pal as you say that time has to go on , she left you a lot of beautiful memories to tell her grandchildren and great grandchildren take care my friend xxxx
4 people like this
@BarBaraPrz (47823)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
19 Apr 07
Yes, I understand how you're feeling. Remember that old saying? It's always darkest before the storm? The clouds have broken and the storm has passed. We don't want our loved ones to die and leave us, but we don't want them to suffer, either. Be glad for your sister: her journey is over.
@raydene (9871)
• United States
19 Apr 07
My neice told me that right after Joanie took he rlast breath that the sky brightened and soon after the sunrose with a bright sunshine...I begged God to take her and while secretly wanting her to stay....Right now I can honestly say that now that it is final I'm very relieved.
Thanks
3 people like this
@raydene (9871)
• United States
19 Apr 07
My neice told me that right after Joanie took he rlast breath that the sky brightened and soon after the sunrose with a bright sunshine...I begged God to take her and while secretly wanting her to stay....Right now I can honestly say that now that it is final I'm very relieved.
Thanks
@rodeotexas (1153)
• United States
19 Apr 07
You make complete sense. I've been at the point where you are and it's horrible. I'm going to pray that things get better for you. It is hard loosing a family member and a horse so close together. Have faith and stay stong and everything will be alright in the end.
3 people like this
@Lakota12 (42600)
• United States
20 Apr 07
I am so sorry for you losses.
That sounds o empty to say that but there is no better term to put.
So sorry that you felt this way for so long but now the cloud has lifted.
And you know now Joanie is at peace and hurting no more. That was what I heard when my hubby passed away. It helped some but you never know what a person goes thru till you have done it yourself.
As for the colt you felt that it wouldnt live so this could be a blessing too.
Glad you have another colt that takes to be loving and a bright spot for you/
hugs
1 person likes this
@raydene (9871)
• United States
20 Apr 07
Thanks Lakota,I do enjoy my little Sun(colt)...He follows me like a dog and wants to be kissed on the nose...And loves his fat butt scratched..He is a joy...I do feel sad about the other foal but I know that someone or something let me know that his spirit had left before he was born...I sometimes know things like that...Hugs
@mummymo (23706)
•
20 Apr 07
you make total sense mom! I hope that you can continue to feel peace! The dread of what was going to happen to Joanie and that she was gonna leave you was what was making you numb sweets! I have every belief that she is up there lifting the load of your back cos she doesn't want you to have to suffer so much any more either! Be good to yourself honey - you deserve it and we all know it cos we love you! xxxx
1 person likes this
@shelle7892003 (18)
• United States
20 Apr 07
I am very sorry for what you are going through I cant imagine the day I lose a sister
@raydene (9871)
• United States
20 Apr 07
Hi Shelle,Thanks for your condolences..Honey if your sis is suffering for 11 years like mine did you wll prey for God to take her...And when it happens if it happens you will survive even through you feel like you are dying on the inside...Thanks Sweetie
