How can we as husbands/wives not fall into the pattern of just being comfortable

Yeah it is very hard not to feel comfortable after a little while ... and in a way it is a good thing, it means you trust and you feel trusted But being too comfortable can make you marge away from your partner ... If you are going out once in a while, there is no biggie, but if you made it an habit, well, it can have an impact on your family life But the first thing you need to ask yourself is : why do I prefer doing that than being with my partner ? ... the answer is yours ... another question is : does it seem to affect my partner ? and answer that honestly, don;t try to find yourself excuses if the answer is yes ... if you really don't know, ASK your partner ... if your behavior bother him/her, you will likely be told so if you ask How to fix it ? think about that ... you say " we can spend time together tomorrow night" , what is there is NO tomorrow night?!! wouldn't you regret not staying with the one you love instead of going out ? I would To live your life to the fullest, think that there is no tomorrow and show your partner - yes show not tell! - you love him/her

This is called neglect, and It can and will destroy marriages faster than any thing going, How many times have you heard or read that a partner strays because their partner never paid any attention to them. This is a killer situation, and I am not saying this lightly, But the answer is very simple and can easily remedied. Treat you spouse like he/she was and is you very best friend. And always keep this scenario in your mind, would I treat my best friend like this. or is that what a best friend would do? No one in this world likes to be taken for granted or ignored. and it is not hard to imagine what would happen if this happens. You have taken that person into your life. and the reason is so that you can SHARE your lives, not sit and ignore or take for granted that they may/should be happy. Robin

The first mistake which you make is taking each other for granted. Any relationship where there is such situation, the relationship sores gradually. To make the relationship more exciting we should be unpredictable. Do something new or in a new way everyday, that makes other person to concentrate on you.

My husband and I got like that, we were like roommates. So we started "dating" again. my parents keep the kids once a month for us and we go out to dinner and movie or something like there where its just us. It has helped us alot to reconnect.

I actually got really upset when I realized my husband and I had hit "comfortable" with each other. One day, I was so upset that I stomped around the house, then went in the car to calm and figure out why I was so upset. After an hour in the car, my husband came out and joined me, and we talked and talked and talked, like it was when we just started dating. I think he realized why I was upset before I did. Then, we started doing spontaneous things with and for each other again. Like, he sent a bouquet of flowers to my work. Another day, he had slipped a greeting card into my work bag. And one day, I brought him breakfast in bed. It's small things like that really helps us not forget why we're in this together to begin with.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years almost and its the same thing. We don't do anything together, i feel i have no life because i am at home. It's almost like we are roommates now. Last night I was talking to him on the phone(he goes away for work a lot) and he said i wish things could go back to the way they were when we first started seeing each other. I wish that too but I guess we just have to work on it, we have to make time for each other. we might be going to Niagra Falls for a night in a few weeks so that we can have some alone time and I really think this might help.You should try to do something like that, or even just try to go for dinner once in a while. All i know is that we are gonna try to make things better cause i really don't want to loose my relationship with him.

I think that good way to try to change this is try to take one (at least) night of the week and just the two of you go out and do something together. This sounds like the most simple thing in the world. but you mentioned in another post that yo have a baby, as do i, it's SO hard to get time for just the two of us too, so i feel your pain :P We dont go out, but we take a few nights out of the week and watch movies together, the best we can with the baby around.. or just go for a walk once in a while, more so now that the weather has been nice.

Since you know there is a problem and you know what the problem is, then isn't the answer pretty simple.? You kind of answered it in your question. When you find yourself not spending as much time with your mate as he or she thinks you should then reverse it and start spending more time together. Problem solved. Believe me if this is your smallest problem you ever have in your marriage you will be blessed.

I know, exactly what you mean dedicated_28. I never really thought that "we" needed to exert extra effort to "work" on our marriage not like what I hear all the time about so-called "marrige". I've always thought our marriage is an exception based on my feeling that I was unconditionally loved and with my partner also. But there will come a time that as you said become too comfortable that you take each other for granted, being together in the same house but not spending time together. You start to become indifferent, there are more things to be done, children to take care of, other than him. Unfortunately, I would also agree that it is neglect. And, with so many things to do, you have to balance everything. Bring back the times that you as a couple did when you were still lovey-dovey. Make time for each other regularly. Do something for your husband and vise versa. You don't really have to make surprises or give grand gifts. You just bring back the intimacy. I think that's really important. You talk. Be honest. Get his feelings out. Start touching each other again,like simple holding hands, kiss each other. Soon, I hope you will feel your marriage fulfilling and not take each other for granted anymore.

maybe going out and for each partner to sometimes think that they are still on the courtship stage. WHat do you think?

well for me, im not yet married but as i have read about the book of nicholas parks-the notebook.. what they did about their marriage is they stay sweet with each other, they are writing a letter about how they feel with each other eventhough they're still talking everyday and everynight.. and they're still do a dinner date and make each other surprises.. that's it.. hope these can help..

you mean.. your husband is taking things for granted? and getting less and less concern about you ? it does happen when the relationship is too stable.. there's trust and faith in one another.. this is when love comes in.. what's the point of loving if you don't trust a person isn't it? you can always make things better by taking the first move.. you can have candlelight dinner with your husband.. or do something that he likes.. try hard to bring back the old memory when he appreciate you the most.. usually it's before marriage.. it's a very common case.. because i think even unmarried couples will face such problems too =)

I know what you mean. My husband and I do different things at night. I either clean or am on the computer and he sleeps or watches TV or we have a neighbor that is just gone through a divorce and they hang out and work on junk in his garage. But, one night a week we do sit down together and watch Greys Anatomy. He is just as hooked on it as I am. But, I know that we do take our relationship for granted now, there just doesn't seem to be any one on one time anymore. If we go out to eat, our son is with us and the same goes for going out for a movie. We used to do that kind of stuff together all the time. Sometimes, I think that we both miss those times, but we are in the habits we have now and we don't seem to have the gumption to change it. I have been thinking a lot about it since I am no longer working outside the home, and we have decided that one night a week we are going to try and do more things together, just the two of us. I think to change things you both have to work at it, and that goes with any type of problems in the marraige. tdbrower1969

I believe that just because you are married doesn't mean that the dating ends. My husband and I try to make at least one night a week about us. Going out without the kids and enjoying each other's company without the interruptions of the home taking over. It's hard to do, but if you could get into a habit of it, then it doesn't seem quite so bad when one of you stays out later than the other and misses the good-night hug or kiss. This time also gives you the opportunity to renew your communication that may have been slacking and to also show your appreciation of each other. Hope this helps!

This was one of my concernes when we first moved in together. One day he didn't come straight home from work like he normally did. At first it didn't bother me but then he didn't call or anything thats when I got upset. I told him that for us to be in a relationship we need to communicate better. I realize that he is an adult but we shouldn't take for granted that the other person in the relationship doesn't need to know what is going on. The best way not too take each other for granted in my eyes is communication. Letting each other know what is going on.We make a point to have a "us" time. We set certain time aside for us to be together.

I think it's important to have some time to still be yourself. Even though you are a part of a couple, you are still two individuals and have individual wants and needs. Sometimes it's okay to go do something with your friends, without your spouse. Get away from each other and have a good time, yet know the other person will be waiting for you when you get home. That's the great thing about marriage. So, I really don't think there's anything to fix. It's okay to not be attached at the hip, as long as you're respectful to the other person.