Dreading Mother's Day

i love mothers day just for me and my children. i love my mother, but she had all her mothers days as i was younger, now it is my turn to enjoy. try to just enjoy the day with your child. that day is to rejoice your choice to put your life on the back burner and put your child first. you deserve to have a wonderful day.

I don't think that you have an obligation to call your mother just because it's Mother's Day. She treated you like crap, abused you, abandoned you. Giving life to someone does not make them a mother and she proved to you that DNA was the only thing she was willing to share with you. Not everyone had stellar parents and I'm sure all of them still feel the sting of that loss. But don't let that ruin what could be a great day between you and your child. Instead, focus on your own child and make the decision to do better than she did. Show kindness to your child for every unkindness she showed you. Spend the day with your own child and nurture the bond with him/her. You can make new memories to replace the painful ones and let your mother know, subtley, how you feel about what she did to you when you were young.

Oh no by being a mother ourselves does not help us to understand why our mothers were not in our lives, as for your mother this is very unfortunate that she did not spend some quality time with you in your own life. I do not dread Mother Day it is a special day in my life and I am thankful that I have my children to help me celebrate my special day. I will not be buying a Mother;s day present only because my mother has since passed away.

I understand how you feel. My mother and I have a great relationship now when I was growing up it was bad. I remember her saying to me when you become a mother you will understand why I do what I do. I have three kids and understand less now than I did before. It's nice to know someone else feels the same way.

My mother never abandoned me or my sisters but I sometimes wish she would have. Mom was very abusive to me and my sisters espically my twin sister. She hated her from the minute she was born and continues to hate her. Mom does not even ask how my sisters are or how her grandchildren are. Mom blaimed my twin and I for everything wrong in her life, from having a terrible pregnancy. (Give me a break mom was not even bed ridden) to dad and mom's divorce to having osteoarthritis and us girls own it to her to take care of her. Well I was the only one stupid enough to try to help mom. Mom stoped working at the age of 59 and became homeless so one of her children would take her in. I had mom in my home for 10 years now she is in a nursing home. I go two days a week and pick up her laundry and do errends for her. She complains about everything including my dad who has been divorced from mom since 1982. Ok as you can tell I am bitter and hateful toward my mom and guess what I have come to the realization it is ok! Mom was a witch who would not take responsibility for her actions and blaimes everyone else, also she is a mean vendictive witch who use to beat us and call us ho's. Now for mothersday: I use to dread it because my children and husband would not accknowledge me. Now I am 48 our children are grown so to me it is just another day. If we go out to eat then great, if not oh well. What I have done in the past and I might do is hold myself a barbarque and invite my friends and family who ever wants to come. If no one comes oh well I am going to have a good day. You are welcomed to come bring the potato salad. LOL

I don't bother. My mother is insane / crazy for decades. I was her punching bad while growing up. Now, she still resorts to lies and thievery. She is someone who gave birth to me, but was never a mother. Guess that's why I have trouble loving myself.

Although my mother lives in the same town as me I haven't spoken to her for about fifteen years. We no longer have any contact at all and I'm happy with that. I've learned that some relationships will never be ok no matter what you do and ending our relationship was one of the best decisions I've made because in doing so I let go of the past completely. I used to dread Mothers Day for the hypocrisy of it all but it's no longer a problem - now I look forward to it because I get the presents! I was the same as you - having a child of my own only made it harder for me to understand my mothers behaviour. It didn't help me understand or empathise with her in any way at all.

wow and once again I can totally relate...I hoped and figured that having my first child would help me to understand my mother as well but like you, it didnt, in fact it made me even more confused about her....I look at my kids back then right to this day and I for the life of me can NOT see how a parent could abuse their child AND BE OKAY WITH IT! I dont dread Mothers Day anymore, but I dont enjoy it either, its like my birthday = its just another day...

Yes, I used to Mothers Day too, due to my neglectful mother. I now am a mother myself and now I tend to enjoy the holiday, I get new things! I always love when I get gifts. I am not going to bother buying my mother a gift, let alone call her.

Nobody is forcing you to call her or buy her a gift on mother's day so you don't have to if you felt she was abusive. If my mother treated me badly I certainly wouldn't bother contacting her as an adult but thats just me.

No, you're not the only person who doesn't care. My mother lives on in the delusional part of outer space she also inhabited while tasked with being my primary caregiver. She did make sure I was feed and clothed, and that I went to school-- I'll give her that. Beyond that, a child was merely a "nuisance" to detract from her own delusions of grandeur and importance. The "Queen of Thin Air," she was... except when life got "too much" and she was strung out on booze and tranquilizers. I will make the obligatory phone call, we'll talk about the weather, she'll ask me if I am ever going to get a "real" job; I'll say no, and she'll launch into a lengthy lament about how all her friends' children are surgeons and partners in law firms. And how they are married to "thin pretty women," and have provided grandchildren... UNLIKE ME. Then we'll close with a few pleasantries and hang up.

Have you ever talked you your mother about your feelings? She may not realize how you feel-and she may not have realized she was abusive towards you; especially if she grew up in an abusive home herself. Sometimes we repeat patterns we are raised in, until we realize that we have the power to choose who and how we want to be.

Not all mothers are sugar and spice, some just don't like being mothers, other's are just people with problems of their own that makes them abuse their kids. You being a mother should enjoy it if only for you, you don't have to contact your mother if you don't want too. You have a right to feel the way you do. I'm sorry you're mother was this way with you, my mother was the same with me, but she has changed in many ways and now we get along very well. Do what is in your heart. The best wishes to you.

there are too may of these commercialised days trying to get you to spend your money

Lecanis I DO understand what you are saying, even though I feel father's day is even worse than mother's day. Pour out your love on your little one and celebrate mother's day in your own little family, being thankful that you have broken the cycle and will never do what she did. Your son will never know the pains you feel because he will always remember a mother who loves him dearly.

I don't know how you feel about your mother, but this is just a suggestion. Don't go throwing anything out the window. Can you see any possibility of forgiving your mother? If you are feeling hateful toward her, you are creating a wall inside yourself. Hate serves no useful purpose and may actually cause physical hurts. Please don't be upset with me. To forgive someone or something from the past is like a heavy stone being lifted from your heart. The past is well over and done. You cannot change the hurts and pain you suffered at the hands of your mother. But you can let go of the past and live free of its burdens. It takes a lot of energy to hate a person or anything for that matter; and that is energy you could be using to for yourself in a more positive way. Just a thought.

I know the feeling. I, myself, have a bit of an issue with Father's Day. My father and I pretend to be on good terms, and sometimes we are, but he and I really can't stand each other, I think. Yes, there was some physical and mental abuse involved when I was a child, but I've forgiven him for that and moved on. I'm okay with our relationship the way it is, but when the day comes around where I'm expected to offer praise, glory, and love...well, let's just say it's hard to deal with. I'll buy him something half because I feel like it, and half because I know I should, and half because I know I'm expected to. While I don't practice what I preach, I would say to you screw what everyone else says...do what you feel. If you don't feel like getting her anything, or even calling her, then don't. If you do, then go ahead. There's nothing wrong with what you're feeling, nothing at all. You don't feel your mother has done anything to celebrate, and that's okay. I don't feel as though my father has done a whole lot to celebrate, either. It's hard to find a card for him because I don't want one that says "we've been close all these years and i love you and thanks for everything and blah blah blah" because it's untrue. He hasn't done much for me. We didn't have good times when I was younger. I find one that wishes him a good day, because there's nothing wrong with wishing someone a good day, and buy him a coffee mug or some such thing. Do what you feel is right. I do what I feel, granted, it's influenced by a few things, I still do as I feel and nothing more. You're not alone, and there's nothing wrong in any way, shape, or form with how you feel. Do what you feel is best, do what you feel you should, don't do what you feel you shouldn't. Have faith that everything works out as it should, and everything happens for a reason. Wishing you the best of luck.

I love my mother so much. Until now, I still hold her in my heart as the most valuable person in my life. I would not be what I am now if not for her sacrifices. I have learned how you have been as a child, lecanis, through our discussions here in mylot. My advice for you will be to study about child and adult psychology so you can cope well about rearing your children properly until they have grown up. There is a need for you to do some studies on this regard if you want to overcome how you have been as a child. They say that we become the parents, the way our parents had been to us. I understand why the fear in your heart is that way. It is good indication though that you have recognized it a a danger which can happen to you. It is the first step towards making yourself a better mother to your kids than your mom was to you.

As a mother myself now, I can relate to having issues with some of the things my mother did. We hardly had anything in common and she always seemed too busy for me. I too am a mother now and thoroughly enjoy having a day to be celebrated just for me. My daughter and I have a relationship that is much closer than what I had with my mother and that's not by mistake. I spend a lot of my time showing her that I love and care for her very much so it's nice to see a little appreciation. I can even remember my first mother's day - she could barely walk but she gave me a special gift that her and my grandmother picked out together. Special indeed!

I'm so sorry that you haven't had a good relationship with your mother. My mother and I are very close and talk on the phone usually several times a day even though she only lives a mile from me. I hope that some day your relationship can be mended but until then you have your son and you can develop a strong, wonderful relationship with him.