Looks like my husband is going to dump me..
By yanjiaren
@yanjiaren (9031)
April 24, 2007 7:11pm CST
I think the distance is making my husband pissed off. I phoned him tonight as he didn't phone me his usual time but all I got was a rebuff and that he doesn't want to talk over the phone every day only send the odd email. Doesn't sound like a loving husband does it? I am going to give him the space he needs, but if he is pushing me away, I don't want to be a beggar for love any more, if he has found some one else but is not telling me, then he should dump me in one go, would be less painful don't you think? I feel he might have met some girl in his new job, but i will never accuse him of any thing, i would lke him to tell me by himself. I feel sad to see this die, i have killed myself to make this relationship work. Only tomorrow will tell if he meant what he said tonight that was too hurtful. sORY GUYS i HAD TO TALK SOMEWHERE, TOO HEAVY TO CARRY ON MY OWN.
14 people like this
35 responses
@GardenGerty (160600)
• United States
25 Apr 07
Yan, I hope you are wrong. Sometimes we are all grumpy, and what we need the most is a hug, but we push our favorite hugger away.Is this possible with him? Being desperate is not attractive, I think you have figured out. You are not just working hard for him, or for your relationship, you are working hard for you, for your pride,for your "Knowing of yourself". Of course you can talk here. You can personal message me, too.
@yanjiaren (9031)
•
25 Apr 07
We ended up talking tonight, he nearly dumped me, not because he found another girl but He thinks he isn't good enough and that I should not suffer with him. I told him I am a yanjiaren and we stick it out together, so it looks like he has no choice. I was crying for over two hours and praying. I love him and care about him, he has no one.
4 people like this
@krislouiebaby (2346)
• Philippines
25 Apr 07
everyone is experiencing a lull in relationship.
and do not think that he is going to dump you, or he doesn't love you anymore, do not think of negative things it won't help you.
as long as you love your husband, everything will turn out right.just believe in your love for each other. maybe he is tired, just give him space, and i am sure he'll be okey.
goodluck.
3 people like this
@yanjiaren (9031)
•
25 Apr 07
i sent him an email, telling him i won't phone him again, if he wants he can phone.
2 people like this
@Anniedup (3651)
• Richards Bay, South Africa
25 Apr 07
My dear friend, your circumstances ain't easy. To be away from someone that you love can make you paranoid. But a little bit of caution here, you know the saying if you truly want to see if he belongs to you, set him free, if out of his freewill decides to stay then it was meant to be.
Try and be strong, this too will pass.
@biznizman01 (581)
• Philippines
25 Apr 07
i hope your husband come to his senses and realize he has hurt you. i hope the two of you could work things out. from the limited info i don't even know why you are apart. i just hope that the problem you are facing are just trials that could be overcome. i wish you the best.
@galatea (686)
• Philippines
25 Apr 07
Hey... and there I was sulking about my boyfriend calling me fat.
I'm so sorry to hear about this. Have you told him how you feel? You know, writing a letter often worked for me. I don't mean email but a real letter in your handwriting. You can easily pour your heart out, let the tears flow if there are, and let your hand make heavy marks when you feel angry. Then send it to him. In the mean time while you're waiting for him to receive it, just don't make phone calls, give him his space, disappear for a while. It's hard but sometimes it works. If he is just busy with work, the letter will remind him that he's working for you and not just for deadlines or whatever else is making him so busy. If he's busy with someone else then at least he would know how you feel and can weigh things over in private. Sometimes phone calls are so demanding, when there's a lot in our minds that are not necessarily connected to the conversation.
I hope the two of you can work things out soon.
4 people like this
@j27366 (293)
• Philippines
25 Apr 07
be a little more patient. perhaps your husband has a moody attitude which you have noticed only now. but, of course, if you feel that he's really cheating on you and you got some evidences, better talk straight to him and let him decide that girl or you. if he chooses the other one, be brave to accept it and start to do some legal actions for your convenience, however, small it would be.
@flowerchilde (12529)
• United States
25 Apr 07
I'm glad things are going better..
:))
1 person likes this
@urbandekay (18278)
•
25 Apr 07
I wonder if you are over reacting and being as insensitive to his needs as he is to yours? Different people have different ways of coping with being apart some need to be on the phone every 5 minutes others this will just annoy. There is no right and wrong way here just differences which when discussed and approached in a spirit of compromise can be resolved.
all the best urban
2 people like this
@urbandekay (18278)
•
25 Apr 07
Of course it is impossible to say because really we know little of you and nothing of your husband. But, if as you say he hates his job and is stressed out then maybe it is stress. One reaction the body can have to stress is to shut down, a natural instinct for repair. So it may be that all he really wants to do is sleep or rest and, in this state of stress where his perception is altered, he may feel that your call is just another thing to deal with. I know that may sound unpleasant but remember his perception may be distorted by stress. Really he needs a different job. If you attempt to reason with him, telling him you want him to call you more, he may well experience this as further stress, then he may do nearly anything to get away from that stress even though the major cause of the stress is his job but presumably, he is doing that to provided for you or for your future together. He will then be caught on the horns of a dilemma; rationally he sticks with his job because in doing so he is caring for you but irrationally he may shun contact with you exactly because of the condition that caring (maintaining his job) puts him in
all the best urban
all the best urban
@yanjiaren (9031)
•
25 Apr 07
We only talk about ten minutes a day. He said his boss gave him a really hard time, he hates his job.
@Naomi17 (624)
•
25 Apr 07
Being apart does put a strain on any marriage i think he's missing you but men never say the right words they feel sorry for themselves
Talking on a phone isn't the best line of communication you can't see the persons face and read what there thinking my sister thought her hubby was leaving her she sobbed her heart out stopped eating and was in a right state the truth was he was hurting being apart from her and said i really need to see you your voice isn't enough i need to hold you don't give up hope yet hon HUGS x
2 people like this
@steney (1418)
• Philippines
25 Apr 07
Sweetie, please don't jump into conclusion this early. Has this been happening for a week or it was just a one time instance? You know best how much your hubby loves you, and from there you can gauge if it is possible that he will drop you in an instant. Do you think he didn't love you enough to be capable of something abrupt and hurtful as that? Maybe he's just tired or missing you terribly and sad at the same time, and he didn't want to show you that he's been very much affected by that.
This is just a phase you're going through and one of those tests that need to be overcome. Patience, trust and perseverance are the keys to surviving a long distance relationship. Be strong and pray. Will be praying for you too. :)
2 people like this
@yanjiaren (9031)
•
25 Apr 07
Thank you, I am patient, I love him to pieces. I care about him all on his own.
1 person likes this
@arkaf61 (10881)
• Canada
25 Apr 07
OH yanjiaren sorry to hear all this. It doesn't sound top uplifting but maybe he just had a bad day, sometimes it happens.
Keep positive, sometimes when we start thinking the worse it's like we're attracting it.
Big hug to you
@mssnow (9484)
• United States
25 Apr 07
Maybe its best to give him some time. Wait till he gets home and have a talk with him. Tell him your feelings. Tell him you feel like he wants to divorce you and you are worried. tell him if he is going to dump to do it so you can move on with your life. You don't need someone who doesn't want to be with you. There are plenty of men out there who would love to be with you.
2 people like this
@retardedrugrat (4791)
• Canada
25 Apr 07
I'm so sorry to hear this. Long distances can put a strain on any relationship.
As much as you say you'll give him the space he wants, I think it would be a good idea to try and at least talk to each other openly, whether it be by phone or email. A huge part of any relationship that is long distance is communication.
Maybe he just had a hard day at work, and didn't feel like talking to you. As harsh as that sounds, men are fickle like that sometimes. I really hope this was just the case tonight.
I wish you all the very best of luck with this.
2 people like this
@tristanquiel14 (10)
• Philippines
25 Apr 07
i am wondering, why do people stays in a relationship wherein they are not happy.. why punish yourself,, we all deserve to be happy., if you done your part to save the relationship,, but the other end doesnt seem to care,, then that is enough for you to do,, think of yourself.. yes its hard,, a lot of things is painfull in the beginning,, but time can heal a lot of things in life,, jus be brave.. you should be happy... just like he is.. wherever he is happy.. you should be happy too.
2 people like this
@tammyr (5946)
• Etowah, Tennessee
25 Apr 07
Oh yani, i am glad yo worked it out. I knew he was still in love with you! How could he not love you? You are so there for him, even though you are so far away.
Long distance relationships are very hard and it takes a lot of work to keep it together. I think you are willing to go the extra mile to stay with him now and be with him soon!
My prayers are with you!
1 person likes this
@lordwarwizard (35747)
• Singapore
25 Apr 07
Barbie, it feels so strange to me. I always have the impression that it was hugs and kisses between your husband and you. Remember how I have commented often that this is the case? If you have been so loving, why would something like this suddenly happen overnight? It doesn't make sense anymore.
Might you have caught him after a bad day? Try to show some concern if something did happen? I am sorry to hear about this. :(
1 person likes this
@yanjiaren (9031)
•
25 Apr 07
He has had pissy modes before, but he had a crap time at work and is really missing me. I miss him too, we are o,.k Now Wizzy, he has been so nice to me since then, He is really my Yellow Horsy Zhidao?
@kitkat1 (1227)
• Canada
25 Apr 07
Well my love you said about things like if he has another then he should just dump you and get it over with well i would find a way to ask i could not help myself i would have to know. He may be having a hard time adjusting to being away from you how long have you been apart? If you dont keep communicating though what is left will soon be gone start by seeing if there is anything left find out if there is another. I hope there is no one esle for your sake you sound so down and that makes me sad too. Keep us posted as to what is going on ok.
1 person likes this
@yanjiaren (9031)
•
6 May 07
he loves me too much and misses me that is why he was very frustrated about the distance..
@nageswari75 (675)
•
25 Apr 07
Oh Yanji,I feel so sad for you dear!I hope your husband does realise that this is not the way to go.I hope he remembers the good times you both spent together and also recognises the effort you put into this relationship.I will pray that he comes back to you.I am hoping this is just a tempporary frustration kind of thing.You know what,me and my friends(where I live) have been going through a similar situation.Husbands are simply not giving the relationship enough time and attention.I guess this time is not good for us women!I hope thre are others who are happy,don't mean to rain down on their parade.All the best,dear and keep your chin up.I am sure you will hear good news soon.
2 people like this
@amydawn11 (906)
• Canada
25 Apr 07
I am so sorry to hear that, relationships can be so darn hard at times. Just a word of advicce, my boyfriend goes away all the time for work, so our whole relationship has been like this but we do talk on the phone a few times a day most days unles he is really busy, he always calls me befor he goes to bed and tells me he loves me. If my boyfriend was doing what your husband is doing I would definetly suspect something, that is just me though.Both parts have to give in a relationship, my boyfriend hates talking on the phone but he still calls me everyday when he is gone away and even when he is working in town. I hope everything works out for you, just take it one day at a time and see what happens...good luck :)
1 person likes this
@yanjiaren (9031)
•
25 Apr 07
we sorted it, he was having a hard time with his boss, but he spoke to him today. We are fine now thank goodness. He has been extra nice, I never throw things back at him, i also know he is suffering the distance like me..i understand now that he loves me too much, like i love him.
@amydawn11 (906)
• Canada
26 Apr 07
Well I am really glad to hear that. Good for you..I guess sometimes we look into things too much before waiting to see what happens, you are a strong person. I usually open my big mouth with my boyfriend before I know whats going on for sure, but then again he is the same way with me. The other day he came on here and seen that I had said hi to someone, so he just started accusing me of stuff when he showed it to me, I just laughed cause it was my sister I was talking to, he was like oh! Yah didn't know what to say after that one..
@youless (112481)
• Guangzhou, China
6 May 07
Please do not feel sad. Sometimes the distance can make this feeling. I think you have to have faith on yourself. A woman will be charming with confidence. Be considerate and try to give in. A very strong woman is hard to win a man's heart. Men can be defeated by a drop of tear. If you think he's cold to you lately, perhaps he has no more time or very tired due to work? I think you need to talk to him in peace. Hug him and let him to know his coldness has hurt you. Try to give each other more communication time. Do not think the negative side. Tomorrow will be better!
@yanjiaren (9031)
•
6 May 07
Yes, every thing is fine now..we both miss each other too much, please pray for us..
