Loss of child... never born...grieve as long as you want

The only support system I had was my husband and my kids. Having him, my kids, and taking it one day a time has helped. I am very lucky that my husband is so understanding. It hurt him as much as me when we found out I miscarried.

Isn't it amazing how supportive the kids can be? That was special to me. And I'm glad, like you that I had such a supportive husband. And I know that you will always have a special place in your heart for your baby.

That is very touching and special. See, this is what I'm talking about. We never expect it and if it does, we don't know how we should be emotionally. That is why I'm glad I found the support group. I had my miscarriage in 2004, but didn't find the support group until 2005. And wow did it make a difference. I realized I wasn't crazy for tearing up when taking my other kids to the doc and seeing or hearing a baby cry. And nor was I crazy because I couldn't look at a baby in the grocery line (I'd switch lines or turn my back). This was just a form of grieving. And without enough support or someone to talk to that could understand, it was going to be awhile before I could truly heal. I'm glad that you could share your feelings here. How was your support system? How was your husband? My husband at the time had lost a child with first wife (only lived for 2 days) so he knew how to give me support. But at the same time I had some resentment because he and ex had a grave to visit and I didn't. Then he reminded me, that even though the child didn't know me, he was still my step son and I could visit the grave whenever I liked, and he comforted me by saying that Sixx was in heaven with her brother. It's one thing to lose a living child, and similar yet so different when we lose one that never got to take a breath. But one thing strongly in common, is that a mother has lost a child and each mother needs some sort of comfort and support.

Yes, I had some distress; since I was still married, I did have my husband there as well; but no other support.

Well at least you had your husband. That can make such a difference. I don't even want to imagine what those women go through who don't even have that support (husband or boyfriend).

Yes, you most certainly can identify. It was still your child. How did that experience affect you? I'm sure it had to be difficult seeing how you took the precaution so you wouldn't have any more children. I can't even imagine how that was. Did you have any emoitnal distress? And if so, did you have the support you needed to get through such a trying time?

Oh yes, I can see your point on that. My children were and have been so supportive, and my oldest said that she feels this new baby (due in 2 wks) is my mother's day gift from the baby that passed away. I asked her why she thinks that, she said because I lost her the day after Mother's Day in 04, and I have not had the best Mother's Day the past few years because I always grieved for her. I thought that was a very sweet thing to say. Did you have any support with your loss? If I may ask, how far along were you?

I had my sisters support but not much more than that, many people didn't know, I was about six weeks along.

Well at least you had some support. It's sad but many don't get any support, mostly because people don't understand. And due to their not being able to understand they tend to not see it that you lost "a child". The support group I'm in is so helpful. It's nice too, because on Mother's Day we go to the graves of the one's who have graves and the ones who miscarried we release balloons. Just remember, even though the child didn't get to be born, it's still your child, and you are a parent of an angel.

My youngest son was only 5 1/2 when it happened and like your son he kept asking where the baby was. THAT made it very hard, but I know he wasn't trying to make me sad so I'd just hug him after telling him the baby is in heaven. He has since stopped asking, and now asks when mommy and daddy are going to make him a little brother or sister :*). Yep, we've been trying again, but no luck yet.

I can relate to that, somewhat. My kids only asked for a short period of time, but once I could gather my composure and sit and explain things on their level, they were so comforting to be so young. And to this day, Sixx (the baby) is never forgotten. We keep her in our memory so she wll never be forgotten. Because even though she never got to take a breath of air, she had a heart that got to beat, and therefore we feel deserves to be mourned and remembered.

That is wonderful that you had the loving support of your husband. Sometimes the fathers of the children don't do well with it, therefore can't be a good support person for the mother. Are doing well now?