On hurting people's feelings, being nice, ridiculously so, and popularity.

You are always an A+ with me. Besides, anyone living in the UP deserves to be treated extra nice...lol. I don't intentionally want to hurt anyone's feelings, but if they are somehow offended by something I do or say, that is really their problem. That is unless I have somehow infringed upon their rights. Trying to please everyone is a hopeless cause. Being nice to everyone is a great attitude to have. Being nice doesn't automatically mean you are pleasing everyone. Some people go out of their way to be offended by the slightest things. It boils down to forgiving others as well as yourself when necessary and being enough of your own person to act real and say what you think. If others choose to be offended, that is their decision. At least this is how I view things. You treat people well, but it doesn't gaurantee they will like you.

Yea, yea, you are popular! Yes I know you are well-liked. I like you very much too (as a friend, don't get me wrong :P). Sorry to hear that your reputation has dropped. I do agree that the red 9 is a bit too glaring. I like the blue better - suits your avatar more, lol. :P Tell you what, I am going to go to all your postings after this post and give you lotsa pluses. I hope you will jump back to a 10 tomorrow. ;-)

Like you, I don't like hurting people's feelings, and go to some lengths to avoid doing so-- at least on a conscious level. It can become tricky, I have found, to remain authentic to myself and not hurt people's feelings at the same time... since many of the beliefs I hold are "non-standard" and tend to upset those who are deeply invested in traditional values. In general, I tend to be VERY selective with whom I choose to share certain parts of myself... whereas we can't choose our biological families, we CAN choose our friends. As for "popularity"... I have found it to be a fleeting, nebulous and fickle concept. Since I was never one of the "popular people" in life, I have little attachment to it. Maybe it's a defense mechanism, when you're a non-conformist. I can't speculate on what might have caused your myLot rating to fall... it could be something as petty as having agreed with an unpopular point of view posted by someone who regularly inflames a certain segment of the mylotian population... merely making you "uncool, by association." I used to be very conflict avoidant, but eventually realized it was a sucky way to live... when you find that you're sacrificing part of your true self in service of "getting along." There's a limit to how much of a pretzel shape I'm willing to adopt in order to have people like me. And the funny ("weird," not "ha-ha") thing about it was that in my attempts to be "liked" people ended up NOT liking me because I came across as mealy-mouthed and without any real opinions of my own. I still don't want to hurt people's feelings (by nature) by I don't make excuses for my opinions anymore... perhaps because I really only care about "being liked" by those whom I like, myself. So no, I don't have to be loved by everyone... just the 5% (or fewer?) of the population who happen to see the world through similar eyes as me.

Hello.lecanis, I have also noticed that your rating have decreased a bit these days,bu no worry , iam sure it will be increased again soon. If I feel I have offened someone but i do not know who they are, I will just forget that because it will not help even you are in a fear ,you cannot change anything, you can just wait for something to happen.I am not the kind of people who have to be loved by everyone,of course it will be nice if it does actually happens,but in reality it seldom happens, no matter how good you treat someone,there may still be people how do not like you, just laugh it off if it happened and not let them affect you too much. Good luck.

I don't like to offend people, but I also will not compromise my beliefs and feelings just to please someone. Everyone has their own concept of how things should be and what they think is right or wrong. Some people are offended too easily and if I worried about someone not liking me because of what I posted, I would never post, because you can't please everyone. There are some things I am more passionate about than others. My passion sometimes comes out in my post, but I try not to be too offensive and try not to attack anyone in here personally. Who doessn't like to be liked? However, that is not my priority in here. PEACE

No worries lecanis, I always "+" your posts, I'm pretty sure many others do, so you'll be back up in no time :) When I know someone as be back stabbing me, that is when I reach for my war pile of black candles and.. Kidding! I just drift away from people like that. A lot of people come and go in my life, only those who are true to me stick :)

i always try to be nice wherever i go. just like you i hate hurting anyone and for sure, i hate it when i know that someone's angry at me. i try to be patient for as much as i can. if i have hurt someone or if i find myself at fault, i apologize at once. but if i haven't done anything wrong and yet someone is angry at me, it's the time when i don't care at all. for as long as i never did anything to hurt someone,i am at peace. so, if people don't like me even if i am not to them already, i don't care for those people. happy myLotting lecanis!

Well I for one like your opinions and views. Your honest and refreshing. I enjoy reading what you right. Of course you and I have a lot of opinions in common but even if we didn't agree on things I'd enjoy it. You present your side of situations with clarity and with sound arguments which I can appreciate even if the opinions are opposite of mine. I know for myself I find it difficult when those I know seem to be upset with me or ones I'm around are angry with me. I want to find out why and to fix it. Not always easily done but I do try. I don't really live in fear of making someone angry or hurting someone's feelings but I do try to be tactful and understanding when dealing with others. If they really don't like me I know there is nothing I can do about it and that is their choice. I eventually accept it and move on. I'm really sorry though that someone has gotten upset with you and caused your rating to drop. It's a shame that some have to rate people based on whether or not they like your opinion. It should be based on how well you responded not agreement. Some people though are petty and childish. I'm sure you'll be back up to a ten soon :) You're a ten with me though on any day.

I really try hard not to hurt anyone. And I'm not fond of confrontation. however, if I speak my mind and my rating or star drops, I don't sweat it. I just think that for whatever reason, something I said got under their skin. And since I tend to land on the side of humanity, if something I say gets under peoples skin, perhaps it can worm its way into their brains and hearts.

I have never been loved by everyone.And I don't live in fear of making someone angry.But when I hurt people's feelings by accident, I do feel bad and I try to make things right.What I don't do is be nice to someone that I know doesn't like or respect me.So I am like my favorite quote from the movie Road House, "Be nice until it is time not to be nice."

I wouldnt worry about your popularity going up and down it seems to do that sometimes.i guess you cant please all the people all the time. i dont worry about makeing anyone mad,and if I had a friend whom i knew was talking behind my back I would confront her.

hi lecanis... you are really soft and patient guy! even i hate hurting people whom i care about and even whom i dont care about! i hate to show people their weak points! but i am really short tempered... when i get angry i dont see anything except pulling their weak sides! i do regret afterwards.. and belive me my anger does not last more then 20-15mins! and people who are close to me knows i never intend to hurt anyone.. and they know how to cool my anger.. just one hug and i am clam.. lol!

if i know that i offended someone and if somebody is angry with me then i'll talk to that person and ask what seems to be the problem, why they hate me or something, maybe its my fault, i did something wrong to them then i will apologize.. no im not a popular person but im lucky yo have many friends and there is no need to be popular..

I'm very afraid of people being mad at me...I don't know, for some reason it just makes me scared. I usually don't intend to make people mad at me, and if I do do it intentionally, I have to prepare myself to face their anger. I'm also afraid of unintentionally hurting other people's feelings. I'm not generally a mean person so I would feel pretty bad if I had hurt someone's feelings without knowing it or intending to. If I deliberatly want to hurt someone's feelings though, I usually don't feel bad about doing it.

Well I used to be very much like you and try very,very hard to be nice to everyone to the extent where many times I became a doormat that people could just walk all over! The example you give of the girl who has been talking about you behind your back is one I can relate to because I would do the same and continue being nice as pie to people who did that even when I was seething inwardly! So I used to be a "people pleaser" but I stopped it a long time ago now. I'm never gratuitously unpleasant to people and of course I hate to think I've upset someone or hurt their feelings for no reason but at the same time I'm much more assertive nowadays. For instance if I knew someone was speaking about me behind my back I would confront them about it whether it made them uncomfortable or not. I no longer feel the need to be loved by everyone.

I'm finally back!!! after a long time of absence!!! anyways, back to your topic. I've got a friend who was really close to me before but just changed on me just because i got a kid. I got hurt for a while and decided to stop talking to her. It will just hurt me more if i hear her explanation about what she did. I just think that i've got more friends to care about than just think of one.

I hate to think I have hurt someones feelings, but as my heart usually rules my head I can say things I will regret. However, I will go up to that person and try to resolve any issue as I hate to think they may be talking about me after misunderstanding my comments. This happened to me a while back at work. I made a request to someone, who is highly sensitive anyway, thinking no more of it I found it odd when she kept ignoring me. I cannot stand this, so I went over to her and asked if I had upset her. She did verbally attack me, even though in the past she had often asked for my help. We did resolve the situation and have been fine since. Although from how I have seen her treat other people, I did feel that if I hadn't approached her, she would still be ignoring me now and most probably doing the same as this woman is doing to you. I prefer things out in the open, know if I can carrying on being civilised towrds others than be nice to someone who is backstabbing me for reasons I do not know. Maybe you should ask this woman why she is saying these things as obviously you are being told by others she is doing this. It may be a complete misunderstanding, like myself and the woman I had issues with. But if its something else then at least you can make a decision on whether to talk to her anymore, as theres not really any point if this woman is being mean.

Well being nice is all well and good, but if it takes too much effort whats the point? You COULD be super nice and everybody will love you and walk all over you Or you could stop caring, and just be yourself and if people get offended then its their problem Most people will take things with a pinch of salt, so dont worry about it Btw I LOVE your new avatar :)

Though I don't wish pain of any sort on anyone, I don't go out of my way to be nice for anyone but those I care about. Then it gets ridiculous lol. I will be polite usually to the point where it gets insane, but even there I have limits. I could personally care less what people think of me, my opinions, etc..but that doesn't mean I can act like a little monster lol. So I give others respect, I treat them fairly, and I let them see how far they can go before I draw the line. Like in your scenerio..talking behind your back? I wouldn't really do anything about it. It doesn't do a danged thing, and people silly enough to make an opinion about someone without truly knowing them..*smiles* I guess it just helps I'm slow to anger and don't care about alot of things people think I should lol. Like popularity. If I'm popular, cool. If not? Whatever. There's more important things.

I used to be afraid losing friends if I don't please everyone, but then I realized that if you can't love yourself then you can't love anybody. I also find that it's more painful when people hurt me while I have been nice to them or at least never hurt them. So then I started to treat others the way they treat me, if they are nice, I'll be nice. If they stab me in the back, I'll return the favor. I don't expect to be pleased by everyone, but they also can't expect me to please them. I think it's fair that way. I mainly hurt someone because they hurt me, but if I hurt someone unintentionally for sure I would at least apologize, explain and fix it. Whether they forgive me or not, is their prerogative, since I don't always forgive those who wronged me anyway.