Is it right?
By Gemmygirl1
@Gemmygirl1 (2867)
Australia
April 27, 2007 8:48am CST
Look, without sounding like a cow, i have noticed some things about my in laws - not actually my partner's parents but his siblings & the way they are with their kids.
Take my BIL for example, the first child he became a father to wasn't his own, which i think made him not want to be a father to his actual own kids.
Basically, he used to play a game with the 1 daughter, she'd say 'more', he'd smack her on the butt, then she's say 'more' again & he'd smack her on the butt - all in play & she enjoyed it but then he goes overboard, rather than keeping it light & fun, she'll run away & say 'more' & he'll add them up until she comes back, then he'll pin her down & literally hit her until she was bright red & in tears, until he's smacked her the number of times she said more. It's hard to work out why he's like this towards her.
She might be a bit of a terror sometimes but she doesn't deserve this & if my partner ever tried to tell him not to do it, he'd throw it back & tell him he wouldn't know coz he didn't have kids.
At the time it was true (we have a baby now) but the BIL still acts this way with the non-biological one & hasn't got time for his own biological twin girls - there's even a #4 on the way & i'm not sure how he'll go with this one either, maybe different coz it's a boy.
How do we let him know he's going too far & needs to stop acting like a jerk towards his kids?
Can we make him stop BELTING his daughter just for the fun of it?
What would make him go overboard to the extent of leaving physical marks on child?
I know he was hit as a child but like my partner said, being smacked as a child has made my partner not want to do the same thing to our daughter coz he knows how it feels but the BIL just doesn't seem to remember what it was like or how he felt.
It's so sad when it happens coz i feel bad for our little niece (now 4 & this has been going on for a few years now) but he doesn't listen & when he's told he's just like his own father was - he denies it.
Any suggestions would be FAB!
3 people like this
3 responses
@danishcanadian (28953)
• Canada
27 Apr 07
Yes, he needs to be told that this is not right. Perhaps he's acting out of ignorance, and needs to be TOLD how dangerous this is for her physically and psychologically. Someone needs to make SURE he knows this is a problem. Keep at him until he realizes it This is dangerous behaviour!!
3 people like this
@Gemmygirl1 (2867)
• Australia
28 Apr 07
He has been told, i just don't think he quite understands how bad it has gotten. He still sees it as being fun even after the little one is crying.
I haven't seen it happen with his own kids, only the non biological on.
We haven't seen them for a while coz i wont go down there (it's a fair drive & i don't want my daughter to get sick from the way they live - it's gross). I thnk the way he act is another reason we don't go.
Thanks for your input, i appreciate your thoughts!
2 people like this
@danishcanadian (28953)
• Canada
28 Apr 07
I think it's BECAUSE he acts that way that you MUST go. You need to be a WITNESS, and gather some evidence, so you can prove this case to the welfare department. Get a tiny tape recorder and put it in your pocket. The next time this happens, get it ON TAPE so welfare dept. can hear the slaps, can hear the cries, and can hear his rection. This'll be PROOF. This needs to be stopped!
1 person likes this
@Gemmygirl1 (2867)
• Australia
2 May 07
I am not his keeper & i cant afford to be going there all the time - they live ages away from here, it's a tiring trip & a very expensive trip.
A tape player with sounds on it wont be proof, no welfare company here could take it as proof - it's too easy to fake things like that. You'd need photos or a cam corder - video camera & i don't have one of them.
You're right, it needs to be stopped but i dont see them very often (the last time was Xmas), for all i know, with knowing his 1st son is on the way, he may have calmed down & just stopped being such a jerk.
His girlfriend is my niece's mother so she should be held accountable for letting it go on & no she's not scared of him (incase you were wondering), she can manipulate him to do whatever she wants.
1 person likes this
@Woodpigeon (3710)
• Ireland
30 Apr 07
My brother used to give me Indian burns on my arm when I was little. It sounds quite like the game this girl is playing with her stepfather.
I would annoy my brother until he'd grab my arm, give me a twist, and make me say, 'uncle'. I was a right little pest and wouldn't say unlce, so I would then get another. Fortunatley for me, my brother never did go overboard, 'save up' or anything like that, it was jus me bugging him and it was a game. I suppose I wanted hi attention because when I wasn't annoying him, we would do a lot of fun things together if he was so inclined.
Maybe that was how it started with them, and like you say he is drinking too much and immature and using bad judgement. If my brother had gotten as rough with me s this guy is getting, i don't think I would have wanted to keep playing the game. Sounds like you need to do a little more sleuthing to find out why BIL and child are doing tis, and keep at them to realize someone is gong to get seriously hurt and they need to knock it off.
@maddysmommy (16230)
• United States
1 May 07
Ugh Indian burns, my siblings use to do that to me too (out of fun and games though) - it would never progress to anything further. I think your brother has definitely gone overboard and its turned out to be more than just a game (what a game though? is that was kids are playing these days? strange) - anyways if he was my brother, I would talk to him about it and tell him how you see it when you see him playing the game with her, and by her reaction, it is getting out of control. I don't know if that would work but its a start!
@Gemmygirl1 (2867)
• Australia
2 May 07
I know it sounds like an odd game, in the beginning she loved to play which was odd, coz to begin with it was just a playful flick when she past & then as she got older & more naughty i guess that's when he started to lose his temper with her or in the game, when she didn't come back, the 'MORE's would accumulate & you's always hear her giggling in the other room after she'd said 10 or 12 more of them!
I give up talking to BIL to he doesn't listen, not even to his own brother. I think it has something to so with her not being his own flesh & blood - it could be that his girlfriend never lets him forget that.
@asish1672 (338)
• United Arab Emirates
1 May 07
I thought you had some rules, in your country, to notify law if you notice child abuse. Am I right? I know, it might be a tough thing to do, to your close relative, but I feel the pain of the child involved, should get a preference. What do you say?
@Gemmygirl1 (2867)
• Australia
2 May 07
I do agree with you to an extent but i also think that since there is a girlfriend of this BIL then she needs to be the one to take a stand as well - the kid is hers & she does nothing.
There are laws yes but it's hard to get proof of these things coz someone just telling the children's services probably wouldn't be enough & we aren't there often enough to catch him in the act coz it's not something he does all the time either.
Thanks
