70 ways to tell you've been online too long

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1. Tech support calls YOU for help. 2. Someone at work tells you a joke and you say "lol". 3. You watch TV with the closed captioning turned on. 4. You have called out someone's screen name while making love to your significant other. 5. You keep begging your friends to get an account so "we can hang out". 6. Three words: Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. 7. You've even gotten on an airplane just to meet some folks face-to-face. 8. You have to get a second phone like just so you can call Pizza Hut. 9. You go into labor and you stop to type a special e-mail to let everyone know you're going to be away. 10. You have a vanity car tag with your screen name on it. 11. You no longer type with proper capitalization, punctuation, or complete sentences. 12. You have met over 100 AOLers. 13. You begin to say "heh heh heh" instead of laughing. 14. When someone says "what did you say?" you reply "scroll up!" 15. You find yourself sneaking away to the computer in the middle of the night, while your spouse is sleeping. 16. You turn down the lights and close the blinds so people won't know you're online again. 17. You know more about your AOL friends' daily routines than you do your own spouses. 18. You find yourself lying to others about your time online and when they complain that your phone was busy, you claim it was off the hook. 19. You have an identity crisis if someone is using a screen name close to your own. 20. You would rather tell people that your bloodshot eyes are from partying too much rather than the truth (online all night). 21. You change your screen names so much that you have to look at your own profile to see who you are. 22. Your kids are standing at your side, saying: "Please come and cook dinner," and you would rather type another "Lol". 23. You type messages to people while you're on the phone with them. 24. You won't work at a job that doesn't have a modem involved. 25. Your dog leaves you. 26. You have to ask what year it is. 27. You write a letter like this: "dear tom, hiyas! how r u doin well i gotta go bbl!" 28. You name your pets after people you talk to online. 29. You smile sideways... 30. You sign on and immediately get 10 IM's from people on your buddy list. 31. You look at an annoying person offline and wish you had an ignore button handy. 32. You bring a bag lunch and a cooler to the computer. 33. Your significant other kisses your neck while you're chatting and you think "uh oh, cyber perv". 34. You have withdrawls if you're away from the computer for more than a few hours. 35. You use AOL lingo in everyday life (if you still have one). 36. You take a speed reading course to keep up with the scrolling. 37. Your buddy list has over 100 people on it. 38. Your worst comeback to a bully is "I'll slap ya w/ a rubber chicken!" 39. You wake up in the morning and the first thing you do is get online before you have your first cup of coffee. 40. You have to inject no-doze into your butt to keep it awake. 41. You have your computer set so it goes directly to AOL's welcome screen. 42. You don't know where the time has gone. 43. You end sentences with three or more periods when writing letters by hand. 44. You get up at 2am to use the bathroom but turn on the computer instead. 45. You don't even notice anymore when someone has a typo. 46. You enter a room and 23 people greet you with "(((hugs))) and/or *kisses*". 47. You stop typing whole words and use words like ppl, dunno, and lemme. 48. Your voicemail/answering machine message is "BRB, leave your s/n and I will ttyl". 49. You type faster than you think. 50. You got your psychiatrist addicted to AOL and you're now undergoing therapy in private chatrooms instead of his office. 51. You want to be buried with your computer when you die. 52. You actually enjoy the fact that you're addicted. 53. You can actually read and follow the names of the cast that scrolls up at the end of a movie. 54. You dream in text. 55. Being called a newbie, noob, nub is a "MAJOR" insult. 56. People say, "If it weren't for your super reflexes in your eyes and fingers, you'd be classified as a vegetable." 57. There is absolutely no interesting chat in any room and you're really bored. 58. You don't want to leave in case you miss something. 59. You double click your TV remote. 60. You can now type over 70 wpm. 61. You think about starting a 12 step recovery group for AOL junkies. 62. You're on the phone and need to do something else and say "brb" or "bbl". 63. You check your e-mail and forget you have snail mail (aka real mail). 64. You go into withdrawls during dinner. 65. You spend atleast 30 minutes making sure you say bye to everyone in the room. 66. You stop speaking in full sentences. 67. You've gone into an unstaffed Tech Support room and ended up GIVING tech support. 68. You have to be pried from your computer by the Jaws of Life. 69. You know what a "snert" is. 70. You set your kitchen on fire because you wanted to check your e-mail and "just wanted to see who was online".