holding your child or having them be alone
@easymoney75503 (1702)
United States
April 28, 2007 7:19am CST
some parents hold there tiny little ones all the time. if they cry they are picked up. they dont leave them in rooms alone for more then a few mins. then you have others that think they need to cry it is good for them. they only pick them up when they need to. they will put them in a play pen or a crib or use a baby gate and leave them in a room for hours alone. it seems like some go from one extreme to the other. i know people that are both these ways. me personally when mine were small and i am talking about 18 month and younger. i picked them up if they were crying. now if they were just fussy cause they were tired and didnt want to go to sleep i would try and get them to fall asleep by rocking or patting there back etc but if that didnt work yes sometimes i would let them cry for 10 mins then go back in and try again and keep doing that so that they werent alone but i wasnt spoiling them rotten lol. i would use a baby gate to shut off the kitchen if i was cleaning but i was right there and able to see them just kept them from getting under foot and possiably getting hurt. i would talk to them though and if they started crying i would go to them and give them a toy and play for a few mins and then make sure they were having fun then step back over etc. what did you do? do you think it is right to put an 8 month old in there room use a gate and leave them there for 2 hours to play alone even if they are crying. you cant see there room from where you are in the house. do you run and hold them every time they make a sound?
4 people like this
13 responses
@chingyieng (248)
•
28 Apr 07
I know there are ppl that discourage parents to run to their child when they cry or picked them up whenever they cry... but as parents, you can't help it sometimes, especially when they are just babies. I hold my little ones a lot and sometimes carry them to sleep especially when they are unwell, usually after an immunisation.
think of it... u can't carry and cuddle them for long. they grow so fast... for me, i love to be close to them and cuddle them all the time. i dun think of it as spoiling them, just showing my love and bonding. before u know it, they will not want u to do that anymore...
all that said, i do agree it can be tiring because they grow to want your company all the time and can be stressful when u cannot get anything done. your hands are tied. so, are you willing to sacrifice for your kids? the choice is yours...
@mememama (3076)
• United States
28 Apr 07
I am very attached to my son and that is very healthy. I can't imagine leaving an 8 month old alone for a couple hours, that just breaks my heart. I do pick him up if he's crying, because he's either hungry, wet, tired, or needs cuddling. He doesn't do it just for the heck of it. Besides, excess crying harms babies http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/handout2.asp
I think many parents need to stop being selfish and think of their babies needs. Sometimes my house is dirty but my son is happy and that's all that matters. You can't spoil a baby.
2 people like this
@linusv2006 (209)
• Philippines
29 Apr 07
as i've learned from baby.com,u can never spoil a baby or a toddler.u need to show them whom to look for once they cry out for help.babies dont cry for no reason.it's either they're hungry,thirsty,need warmth.they cant speak out for themselves and the only one they cld relate their need is through crying.so there's no reason for parents to be insensitive coz their child is juz being fussy.it's the adults who are really fussy
1 person likes this
@wmaharper (2316)
• United States
28 Apr 07
I agree that many parents go to the extreme in these situations, and I believe that in this issues, (and with most issues) balance is key. When my oldest was a baby, he being my first, got held alot more than his little brother does, simply because I didn't know any better, and I had a lot more time on my hands now. BUt I never did spoil him, thankfully. Now that he is older, he has dropped his nap, and we have instituted quiet time in his room. He is 2 1/2, and he has to play quietly in his room for an hour to an hour and a half each day. If he gets too loud, he knows I will come in and make him get in bed, so he does pretty well with staying quiet. Having said that, we only instituted that when he dropped his nap a few months ago. Sometimes he still needs a nap though, if he's grouchy, I make him take one, and he usually complies. I really think it depends on the age of the baby, when they are old enough to play on thier own, and when you should just let them cry for a while to see if they will stop crying and start playing. We never did this with my older one, as I said, he was my first, so I didn't really know any better, but with the second, he has "crib" time, where he plays in his crib. I started with five minutes, now he's up to 10 (he's almost 8 months old) He does quite well in there, and soon we will have him play in his play pen that way.
2 people like this
@smkwan2007 (1036)
• Hong Kong
28 Apr 07
Old fashioned parents in my city always hold their little one in the arms. When their children cry they respond immediately to see what happens and hold them until them calm down. You may think the parents are too protective. But many generations of people here are brought this way.
@gemini1960 (1161)
• Philippines
29 Apr 07
Yes i always do that in my children especially on weekends since it is only the time i can be with them because of my work, i want to make them feel that im always there for them
@babygurl850406 (1322)
• United States
28 Apr 07
i am not one to be constantly holding my 2 little ones, the times i hold them are if they get hurt enough where they need to be comforted, if they get sleepy or to give them some love, i dont hold them alot i want them to be independent and do things on their own but yet feel very loved.
@charlestchan (1415)
• Malaysia
28 Apr 07
well. in my opinion, it is better to leave the child alone than to pick them whenever they need you.. such action will make them closer to you.. and it will become a habit.. which is very difficult to get rid of later on.. i think you should leave the little ones alone once in awhile .. but do keep an eye on them.. as you might not want any accidents to occur right..i think if you leave them when they're crying. they will stop crying after sometime...you don't have to worry much about them crying. .except that their hungry...crying is just to get attention from the elders .. don't you think so? :)
1 person likes this
@hannahjomommy (373)
• United States
28 Apr 07
I pick mine up.. They are only little once... My little girl did not like to be held a whole lot. My little boy on the other hand loves it... If they are crying becuase its bed time i let them cry it out but if they are hurting or sick or upset and its not bedtime i comfort them.. I do not like for them to cry :) I guess I am weird like that
@Professor2010 (20162)
• India
6 Feb 13
Thanks for this discussion
My daughter in law don't hold their babies all the time they allow them to play move in room that makes the baby feel free grow well.
@asliah (11137)
• Philippines
13 Dec 12
hi,
of course we want them be alone so that parents can still do what they need to do in there house,but because there are some babies who couldn't sleep when they are not in the arms of there parents,because they maybe more comfortable in the arms of there mother.
@Cetz912 (65)
• Indonesia
13 Dec 12
there is always pro and cons when you do something.
if you grab your kids whenever they make sounds, it become their arsenal weapon. haha, believe me.. our little kids are smart! and they already understand what we say / do.
if you ignore /leave them be, guilty feeling will be there haunting you. you worried something happened.
always put a balance in our action towards them,
if it not that necessary (for exp, feeding time) you just let them cry a little bit. indirectly we teach them to become independent.
