Do you resolve your Discussions or leave them hanging?
By vega83
@vega83 (6342)
Bahrain
April 29, 2007 5:34am CST
Oh, oh, I know what you're thinking, another one of those?
No, I'm not talking about unresolved discussions here in my lot, but in your real life?
Ok, I'm the kind of person, who if has started talking about something, then I'm never one to back down or to change the subject, I like to resolve the issue, and completely talk about it, instead of sweeping it under the rug. I like to get down to the nitty gritties of everything. Some people have told me that that is not a good quality, or that I just can't let things go, and that's not healthy but I believe that what's unhealthy is to have these issues in the air around us without any closure, because people are afraid of confrontation, and I've seen people don't like talking about issues, they cringe at it, and usually go, "let's talk about something else". What's with that?
I think it is so important to resolve your discussions in real life, and then move on, because if you keep sweeping dirt under the rug, eventually it will become a huge heap of accumulated crap that can really ruin relationships.
I've been called stubborn, adamant, and even hard-headed because I don't let go until the air is clear. Is that wrong?
What do you do? Do you like to clear the air or just change the subject?
8 people like this
16 responses
@Sweettatas01 (443)
• United States
29 Apr 07
Well it really just depends on the relationship status with the person... there are issues that I could have with someone, but I wont say anything to them because well.. I have anger problems and not talking to them about it is just my way of protecting them from the pain I cause them. Once again, I HAVE anger problems... Now if it's with my boyfriend, I will discuss anything with him and make sure that they are solved and fixed up. He is the healthiest relationship I have... and I would never hurt him.
2 people like this
@vega83 (6342)
• Bahrain
30 Apr 07
Of course, I guess that's a different issue altogether, and if you stay away from it because you're sure you'll end up hurting others, then your anger problems are already half solved, because you've admitted having them and you stay away from subjects that can provoke them, so I guess that is progress.
1 person likes this
@Sweettatas01 (443)
• United States
30 Apr 07
I try my best, to keep my anger to myself. I know I should seek help with them, but I feel they will tell me what I already know. I know that I should channel my aggression into something else. Friends have suggested going to shooting ranges... or using creative methods to let out my feelings.
Though if I discuss something with someone I know that I would get interupted because they just HAVE to get a word in and oppose what I have to say. lol that in itself pisses me off. I just hate being interupted for lousy excuses for what someone did wrong. And I get that alot. I can easily write a letter. I get my point across, I can make corrections, but most importantly... I wont get interupted.
Although, I have tried to bring up those kind of discussions, though it seems that people tend to back away from them and yes, they aren't resolved.
1 person likes this
@lissaj (532)
• United States
30 Apr 07
Yes, I always try to resolve them. It bothers me to not finish something like that. If something is going on, and it isn't worked out, it just stays with you. No matter how hard you try to push it to the back of your mind, it is still there. It's best to just clear the air and get your feelings and thoughts out there.
@Dumpertaker (1187)
•
30 Apr 07
It is not often I'll leave a conversation hanging..but if I do it is usually because I'm trying to get the facts befre I'll actually say...or I have suffered one of my dreaded brain farts and forgotten! This even happens in a face to face conversation, I'd say something and then I'll suddenly think "what the heck was I saying? What was this conversation?" and it can be quite embarrasing!
2 people like this
@vega83 (6342)
• Bahrain
30 Apr 07
Yeah, of course, I know what you mean, but if that happens then I will be more than happy to write my words on a paper and literally eat them. I have those moments too, rarely, where some words escape your mouth, and when you actually hear them, then you realize how stupid they sound. That's an honest mistake.
@lordwarwizard (35747)
• Singapore
29 Apr 07
Oh no, another of those discussions I have answered ten hundred times. I am marking you a minus and just letting you know. Bye.
.
.
.
Oh hang on, did you say it has nothing to do with myLot but my real life? Alright, alright. I changed my mind. I will give you a plus instead. :P
So. Given a choice, I rather resolve the issues in my life. But there are times where it is just so hard and I have no choice but to leave them hanging... and hanging. I hate it, but I have to live with it. Till something happens. :P
Alright, it is a plus. :PP
@vega83 (6342)
• Bahrain
29 Apr 07
oh, thank the lord,(no pun intended) I didn't get a minus :D
Well, yeah, some issues have to be unresolved, for me, it usually happens when I'm wanting to talk about it but the other person doesn't wanna pursue it, so it's not really my choice always.
1 person likes this
@Tsferrets (421)
• United States
29 Apr 07
I resolve the issue too. That may be hard headed or what ever but I do. I will consede that everyone has a right to their own opinion but I don't just say "OK, What Ever". People that let that happen can really get hurt by others. They need to at least voice their opinion and them politely say "that my view and I'm sticking to it". Then they and you can move on. It's not good to bagger someone with your opinion or view. But it is healthy in "MY" opinion to discuss it. Then move on..Thanks for the good subject vega..Tammy(tsferrets)
@friendship (2084)
• Canada
29 Apr 07
I've always tried to solve the problems. I don't like to leave them hanging, though. I think it is irresponsible. I usually tried to make someone aware that we did have a serious problem and we needed to solve it. Otherwise, it was getting an "unhealthy" situation. But if others don't react at the same level of interest, I will try to move on. Why bothers, anyway? Life is short and I should not make things more miserable. It's up to them whether or not they want to solve it or to live with the problem from time to time. At least, I have already mentioned it to others.
1 person likes this
@apsara60 (6610)
• Israel
29 Apr 07
Depends on the discussion., when I am on the right side and have hundred percent confidence that I will win, then I go on to the deepest extent of disucssion and don't leave it till it is solved. But if my position is quite weak in discussion and I am not very sure about what I am talking, then I just leave them hanging.........and change the topic......one has to be adustable .....and not stubborn.
1 person likes this
@sunshinelady (7609)
• United States
30 Apr 07
It is not wrong to clear the air. I know a lot of people who are very uncomfortable doing that. But how else is the subject going to cleared up. Since peoples mind can not be read than you have to speak up. Sit down and talk about it. Clear the air. I for one have never changed the subject because that solves nothing.
1 person likes this
@lucky_witch (2707)
• Philippines
29 Apr 07
Well as much as possible... I dont want unsettled disputes...Because when you change the topic over a tough discussion or arguments... you will only leave the other person hanging... sometimes with a real heavy heart... In situations like we're both mad and screaming... I count 1-10 then tell him/her to take things easy... Im the one to first lower the voice and cool the situation... but I really hate unsettling things...
I also hate it when the one Im talking to is the one who changes the topic... I really want to know whats in his mind... I dont argue with things that doesnt matter to me... so when I discuss with someone then it must be something important to me... I cant move on with unsettled arguments... I always find ways to finish it up o matter what... though waiting for so long really irritates me :P But I dont give as long as I can have the chance to talk with that person...
1 person likes this
@vega83 (6342)
• Bahrain
29 Apr 07
yes, of course I do agree that an argument should never get ugly, and since you can't help what the other person says, you can at least be civil yourself and not resort to yelling or name calling, because that can make things worse. Issues can be settled without those things, but the important thing is to settle them, otherwise they can build up and really impact any relationship.
@wachit14 (3595)
• United States
29 Apr 07
I like resolution. To leave anything hanging will just cause built up resentment and cause damage to relationships. Most people don't like confrontation, but resolution doesn't have to be confrontational. If anyone is angry, then people should wait until they can let their feelings settle, but at some point you need closure so you can move on.
1 person likes this
@charlestchan (1415)
• Malaysia
29 Apr 07
i always resolve my discussion than leaving them hanging.. it's improper to leave them hanging.. why do you want to open a discussion .. and leave them hanging? just for the earnings? that's very bad.. i disagree with people that open many discussion.. and didn't leave any comment to people that post in their discussion.. is it proper not to say thank you when your teaching provide you solution to your question? if this is what you learn from school.. then i have to say i'm really speechless.. because that's not what i learn from school.. i learn to say thank you.. and use the solution given to solve the current problems =) .. that's how i do it
1 person likes this
@complexvanilla (653)
• India
29 Apr 07
I know exactly what you mean, but many times, discussions tend to go downhill and it just stops being a discussion, and becomes an argument. What then? I wouldn't really like to sweep it under the carpet, but persisting with it is hardly likely to bring it to a logical conclusion. I find that this happens most often when I discuss sports, politics or religion with my friends, and so most of the time, avoid bringing up these topics. If someone else does, I try to wriggle my way out of it before it can balloon into a major argument. This might not have been what you wanted to hear about, but these are the only types of discussions that I wouldn't mind sweeping under the carpet. Everything else, I see it to its logical conclusion. Also, I never believe in sleeping over arguments. I don't believe that things will automatically become better without my having to do anything, so if there is anything that I feel that I can do to have an argument sorted out, I would be doing it right away, without waiting much. I also don't mind apologizing if I feel that an apology is in order.
@vega83 (6342)
• Bahrain
29 Apr 07
yeah, a discussion can become an argument, that is true, but it's very rare, at least in the way I see it.
I mean, whenever I'm debating against someone, eventually they will say 'ok, let's not fight', and it wasn't a fight or argument at all. I think it would qualify as a fight for me and not a debate, if there are any one of these three things.
1: If anyone is yelling.
2: If anyone is crying.
3: If anyone is cursing.
If those are not present, then it's still a discussion, or at most, it's a heated debate. But people always confuse debating with fighting, and I always tell them, hey, we're just sharing opinions here.
Oh, and I agree, that "sleeping on it" never works, that's why issues have to be resolved, it's also healthy, not just mentally but physically as well, because as long as a situation is out there, you'll keep feeling sucky about it.
And I don't mind apologizing if I'm wrong or if I feel I should either, there's no shame in saying you're sorry.
@easy888 (10405)
• Australia
29 Apr 07
Hello.,vega,in the real life ,i will always like to resolve the discussions, i do not like to chanhe subjects in case there are some disparities between me and other people, I will try to discuss with them until the solutions have been found out.It does not mean to confront other people,it is only to clear the doubt so that the relationship will not be affected. It is not stubborn or adamant,i think it is the right way to fo things with other people.
