to curse the demon or see him as a god

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"what, if some day or night a demon were to steal after you into your loneliest loneliness and say to you: 'this life as you now live it and have lived it, you will have to live once more and innumerable times more'... would you not throw yourself down and gnash you teeth and curse the demon that spoke thus? or have you once experienced a tremendous moment when you wou have answered him: 'you are a god and never have i heard anything more divine.'" - the gay science, friedrich nietzsche what if nietzsche was actually for real? what if we were all destined (or doomed, depending on how you look at it) to repeat every single moment in the exact sequence in which we were to experience them, over and over again?i won't pretend to know a lot about eternal recurrence but i've spent a lot of time arguing with a friend over this concept/theory when he was writing his thesis. and as far as i can remember, that's what eternal recurrence is all about -- the idea that we are to repeat our lives over and over again. whether to provoke us to live it to the fullest so that we don't have any regrets or to show the pointlessness of it all, i don't know. it does sort of explain how deja vu happens though, doesn't it? lol.. anyway, here's what i do know. we are born. we grow old. we die. those are the only constant variables in this life. whether or not we are to repeat the same life over and over again, it's the same road. only the choices that we make in between determine what kind of life we repeat. because there are no second chances. at least, i believe that if we were to repeat our lives over and over again, the fact that we die and we are born again wipes the slate clean. we won't remember how we lived our previous lives. so there is a possibility that we will make the same choices. as they say, history is bound to repeat itself if we are not aware of it. but then again, i also believe that because we have a clean slate when we are born again, there's also a possibility that we won't make the same choices. question is, what kind of results do we get if the circumstances were different? would we change our destiny or still fall to the same end despite the change in choices? i mean, of course ultimately, it's still the same end -- death. what i'm concerned about are the other things in life before death. when it comes to career for example, if i choose to take literature and become a writer in this life, is it possible that i'd still end up becoming a writer even if i take accounting and become a banker for the most part of my next life? i can get bored with a 9-to-5 desk job and discover that i actually have a gift for arranging words. i mean, it might be different circumstances and it might take longer than expected but some way, somehow, it still is possible right?or in love. theoretically speaking, if i pick love over career in this life, could it be possible that i'd still end up with the same person if i choose career over love in the next? it might cost me 7-10 years of my life working my butt off before fate drops that banana peel that sends us slipping right into the arms of the same person but it can happen right?ever seen the movie sliding doors? it didn't really make it big in hollywood and no offense to any of her fans but i'm just not into gwyneth paltrow, but i thought it was a good, thought-provoking film, showing how different circumstances were when one gwyneth paltrow missed the train and the other got on still led to the same end. i know there's no clear-cut explanation for it. always just theories. but it's always nice to think about these things. the 'what ifs' are what life is all about. again with the choices. i guess you could say that with the entries i've been writing lately, i've become obsessed with the future and how my choices will affect it. i mean, i'm sure everyone worries about the future. i'm just a little too worried. i don't want to screw it up, as i'm sure none of us do. i just wish we all had a life compass to point us to the right direction. because if nietzsche was right, i don't want to be repeating a life that i'm not happy with. imagine actually finding a loophole in this whole cycle that allows us to remember how we lived our previous lives? that would be both exhilirating and scary at the same time. i know there's no way of making sure that we're doing the right thing all the time. but if i can't live the best life i can, i hope it's good enough. i just want to be able to tell the demon if or when i do get the visit that he is a god and that i've never heard anything more divine.