Pleasing your mother???

To be honest I doubt if I will ever be able to please my mother. She dotes on my younger brother and he is the golden child, while I have spent most of my life trying to live up to here expectations only to fail. My mother has always made negative comments about me, my appearance, my choices in life, the way I wear my hair, you name it. She has a tongue that can drip acid on occasions and the only way I have found to cope is to try to ignore her nasty side and look to the nice side of her - when she shows it.

Yes, my mother`s ideal about daughter is completely oposite to my own mentality. And to please her it means for me to confront myself and my own desires. Sorry, i prefer not to please her...This is my life.

I think anyone who has a mother can relate to what you have to say. Being a mother myself, and having a mother who was often critical of me, I try very hard not to repeat the same mistakes with my own kids, but what I perceive to be one thing, they see another way. Maybe if you can just share your feelings with her about how you feel, she can see that whatever it is she's saying to you, sounds negative. Hopefully, you can come to some sort of understanding that way.

I think this is common among all families. I'm old enough to make very important decisions and strong enough to support myself and, together with my hub, support my family, but as you say, in my mum's eye, I'm still her daughter and she has the right to take care of me. She likes to tell me what to do,what to dress and what not to do or to dress. I feel bored and frustrated sometimes, but i know she does everything out of love. So what can we do? Just enjoy "her love".

Moms are hard to please sometimes. I think it's because they want what's best for you, and not all mothers trust you enough to make the decisions on your own, regarding what is best for you. My mom was very disapproving of things that I did for a while, but she has ultimately accepted that I am going to live my life the way that I want to, regardless of her opinions. Since she finally accepted that, we have gotten along much better. She didn't even make too much of a face when I got my nose pierced last year. :)

I do understand what you are saying, I am the only girl out of 5. Second to oldest. Although mine is a bit differant, I always felt as a child I was treated differant. The boys always got to do things with dad I was not allowed to do.curfew was later even for the younger boys. It had nothing to do with age I was a girl. I actually had a very shelter life,Could not go anywhere unless I went with the family or had to drag the little boys with me. I was never allowed to join sports of any kind. Now that I have grown I now realize my mom wanted me to be just like her.I guess she just always expected that if she shelter me enough I would become her. Since loosing my dad this past dec. I realize that because she grew up in a differant time she always expected me to be who she was forced to be as a child of 8, she to being the second to the oldest.Cleaning cooking and help caring for the younger siblings.She became her mom. She still has problems with me being independent, I take trips on my own, go places with friends, met my husband on the internet. Take chances that she would never dream of or imangine.yes she still tries to change and raise me. Because I am me and not her we are finally beginning to get along. I find it easier to just agree with her than top fight her. then go about my business. I am 50 with 3 grown children. But I also think as a parent we will always try to change our children as did our parents.

When I was younger I would go out of my way to please my mom. It made me very unhappy. One day I don't know what happened, I just decided I was an adult, I could not spend my life worrying about what her opinion would be. I think as a child it is almost instinct to seek your parents approval. But I can tell you that after giving up trying to please a woman that was unpleasable, my life has become a lot happier.