do nice girls/guys finish last?
By msjigga
@msjigga (864)
United States
May 3, 2007 12:44am CST
can someone please help me because i am trying to understand.i was talking to my best friend about my relationship she advised to stop being nice and to start treating me like dogs and the will respect you, and worship the ground you walk on. i am usually a nice person in relationships, honest, supportive, and caring. i seem to attrack guys who are the complete opposite. my best friend on the other is total b!#@h to men and she knows it she brags about this. she always get the great guys who treat her very well and are usually faithful to her. me on the other hand am a magnet for losers. i have had just about every kind of loser you can think of. is she right? should i stop being nice and make guys earn my kindness?
1 person likes this
14 responses
@evelynlyp (788)
• Japan
3 May 07
I dont' think nice girls/guys finish last. I'm a nice girl I'm dating a very nice guy.
Its to do with your attitude. I'm quite picky with guys. Its a good thing, I weed out a lot of bad guys and date the good ones only. I'm only 22. Only had 2 boyfriends so far.
Do you stick with the jerks you attract? It seems like the men she dates are the male version of you. Start changing your mindset about yourself. Say to yourself that you deserve better and leave the jerks. You'll find that you weed through a lot of jerks and find the ocassional nice guy.
I doubt your friend has any long term relationships. I believe all the nice guys she attracts leaves her in the end. So from a point of view she's the one that finish last cause she can't keep a guy.
Its a pity she's not nice to them. She could have settled down by now. Nice and nice stick together. Someone who is bad - well it falls apart eventually.
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@msjigga (864)
• United States
4 May 07
Thanks for your response. I met her through my ex he was cheating on me with her and strangely we became friends instead of enemies. She left him and found her a new that is very nice and helps her and her kids, me on the other hand am still attracting losers that think I am either their Mom or their Daugther never can I attract a good friend or a Guy that see's me as equal.
@Married2aMarine (1273)
• United States
3 May 07
Don't listen to your friend...nice girls do get nice guys. I'm one of them. I don't feel like I have to stoop so low to get a guy. It was important for me to have good values, standards and morals. I wasn't going to change that for anyone. Don't be assigned to the fact that you only attract losers. You need to start believing in yourself and know that you're worth SO much more. And don't accept anything less. If he's a loser, lose him! Some day you will find someone who's a million times better than you ever imagined. It's definitely worth the wait.
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@gaylordfocker615 (389)
• Philippines
3 May 07
hi! It's true that nice guys/gals finish last. You see, in order to be nice, you have to put others before yoursefl in every situation. This would of course mean that in every step you take in any kind of undertaking that you go into you'd be asking yourself if he/she will agree to it or if he/she will approve to whatever your actions would be. Doing that all the time will take a lot out from you and sometimes, SOMETIMES, people do take advantage. Whether they love you or not, they will take advantage because it is only human to "step" on what they perceive as a weaker person simply because they can. Take for example in a relationship, if your partner thinks detects your untiring loyalty and devotion....sooner or later he/she will test that fact only to see where your breaking point is or if there is a breaking point. I know it's sad but that's the reality for SOME. I am, of course, generalizing right now. Should you stop beng nice? NO! If that's who you are then don't ever change! Soon you'll meet a guy who will see you for who you are and what you're worth. That guy will deserve you and those whom you've been in the past will find out what an a$$ they were and will hopefully berate themselves for being so. Good luck with being kind! Don't ever change!
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@4skaisthelimit (412)
• Niger
3 May 07
No and due to my own experience I'll just advice you to continue to believe in yourself and never give up to find that perfect guy you deserve as it seams that you are worrying about not to have a real relationship,and always think that somewhere,on the other hand of the earth there is somebody in your situation who'll love to be with somebody like you...I just don't believe that nice girls/boys finish last.
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@evelynlyp (788)
• Japan
3 May 07
I dont' think nice girls/guys finish last. I'm a nice girl I'm have been dating only nice guys.
Its to do with your respect for your ownself. I'm quite picky with guys. I weed out a lot of bad guys because I believe I deserve better than jerks. I've rejected a lot of guys and I only had 2 boyfriends so far both of them are very nice. My current relationship has been going on for 5 yrs.
Do you stick with the jerks you attract? It seems like the men she dates are the male version of you. Start changing your mindset about yourself. Say to yourself that you deserve better and leave the jerks. You'll find that you weed through a lot of jerks and find the ocassional nice guy.
I doubt your friend has any long term relationships. I believe all the nice guys she attracts leaves her in the end. In the begining she seems like she's making progress, but what progress is that if she'll be back to square one again? I'm saying she's the one that finish last.
Its a pity she's not nice to them. She could have settled down by now. Nice and nice stick together. Someone who is bad - well it falls apart eventually.
Hang on in there, you'll meet a great guy and you'll see who it is that finish last instead.
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@BGBabe (78)
• United States
3 May 07
It does seem like nice guys/girls finish last doesn't it? In the long run though, they don't. What's important here is that you stay true to who you are. I may not be able to help you, but I can give you an explanation from my 47 years of experience.~~~~Guys like the chase, don't ask me why, I have no clue, they just do. Once that element in the relationship is gone, they feel you're no longer a challenge. You need to keep them guessing. You can do this without being a complete and total beotch. Don't let the guy at any time feel he has you completely, keep him guessing,~~~does she like me? is she going to leave me? Don't be a "yes man/woman". NEVER let him feel like he can walk all over you. Don't make yourself ALWAYS AVAILABLE to him *IE~~ If he calls, tell him you're busy, you'll call him back, not everytime, but once in a while. If he wants to go out, tell him you don't feel well or you're tired. Now keep in mind you don't want to do this so much that he thinks you're not interested in him, do it just enough to keep him guessing. Just don't make yourself ALWAYS SO READILY AVAILABLE TO HIM. Do this and I guarantee you'll have him groveling at your feet. If it doesn't work, I'll eat my g-string~~LOL.
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@msjigga (864)
• United States
4 May 07
Thanks so much for your help. My problem is I only seem to attract guys who are broken, insecure, and just plain crazy. I am either suppose to be their Mommy and take care of them or I am suppose to be their Daugther and they are suppose to control me. I am so terrible @ character accessment (sorry spelling bad) I usually see good in the worst people. I am such a magnet for broken people it like they think I am their psycologist. Secure normal guys they will ask me for my phone number but they do not call me it is so wierd. I do not understand why a guy dont call when they are the ones who ask for my number. I never call a Guy 1st that has always been a rule. My friend on the other hand she doesn't even attract the wierdo's I attract except for my ex. We met through my ex he was cheating on me for her and strangely we became friends instead of enemies. I will never fight over a Man. She left him alone and right away found a great guys who helps her out with her kids. Me on the other am still attracting losers. why?? It irks me so bad. I once had a guy who was twice my age into me he didn't tell me he was old @ 1st I could not get rid of him he was crazy he was from another Country he have not been in his country for over 17 yrs and he actually believed that he was going to be elected President of his Country during the next election that he didn't run for. He was very possesive and obsessive would follow me everywhere, call me a million times a day, would approach my friends about me, went to my Grandma's house looking for me,he seemed very normal, smart and younger at first, but he turned into a crazy guy.
@Celanith (2327)
• United States
3 May 07
I hope my son never meets her, He has already had this sort of woman and he is NOT with them any longer. I hope you do not take her advice. Treat everyone, men, women whomever how you want to be treated. Christ himself said "Do unto others as you would have done unto you" Your friend plays a dangerous game and someone somewhere will strike back. There are women like her who get killed for this by some men. They then think all women are like her. Do not do this. It is not a game it is not funny and any decent man would not want to be with someone like that.
@lucky_witch (2707)
• Philippines
3 May 07
I guess your bf treatd you that way because of two things... you are too nice to them...or... they just not that nice guy type... The difference of being nice and b!+ch is hair strand away... I guess you should know when to be nice and when not to...but not to the point of being a b!+ch Coz if the man really loves you... I guess he would give you enough respect and you dont have to act like a b!+ch to gain his respect... I guess you just dont find the right man yet...
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@mailboxmoney (1216)
•
3 May 07
thats how some guys like it but i dont think all do i think if youre bad to a guy then sometimes hell just walk off and then other times he likes it it just depends but i would play it cool wit my man if he was taking me for granted and try and make him try with me even stop seeing him and get him to beg to come back!! but everyone has their different ways of trying to keep their man i dont think theres any good way it just depends on someones personality
@muscare (3068)
• Australia
3 May 07
Well, I can only speak for myself, but if any girl is a cow to me, they aren't worth a pinch of salt. Not that it matters that much to me now, as I'm happily married. I don't know where you are hanging out to attract these 'losers', maybe you want to try elsewhere. Personally, I like your qualities, and I find that any guy who prefers a b#@!h is a bit strange. I don't know that I'd be telling you to change, maybe just be a little more patient. In the end, I think the really nice guys prefer the really nice girls of your qualities. Good luck, whatever you choose.
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@Cathzsmile (171)
• Philippines
3 May 07
I think you should not change your good attitude towards men. I mean try to look at the better side of it... let's say that men most often get attracted to you which is an opposite to your best friend preference. Who knows one day your prince charming is also looking for you. Look for the guy that will love you for what you are and will give a high respect that you deserved.
@charlestchan (1415)
• Malaysia
3 May 07
i think it's a total misconception if you think like that.. it's more to fate.. how do you know she's getting all the great guys when the journey is yet to end? .. i think the nice person will get a better one. .or maybe they're fated to be with losers.. it's you destiny to train losers to be winners? who knows right? those that you think very great guys that stick with your friends.. maybe they're destined to be losers in the end.. can you say that? i can't.. and i think nobody should predict the future.. all we can do is to wait and see.. right? anyway.. i pray that you'll find a better person =)
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@creativemind755 (400)
• United States
3 Jun 07
Well, msjigga, I'm gonna have 2 be BLUNT with u here, but please, understand that NONE of what I will say is meant as an insult 2-wards u.
The bottom line is: we DON'T attract who we WANT! We attract who we ARE!
So, if u think that u keep attracting "losers", then u have 2 look WITHIN, at YOURSELF, because something in U is JUST LIKE THEM! Otherwise, your energies would NOT attract each other, and u wouldn't form relationships with these guys in the 1st place!
I don't really like the term "losers", 'cuz it sounds derogatory. But, whatever qualities that these men that u've been choosing have, their is something SIMILAR in u that RESONATES with what's in THEM!
I DON'T agree with your friend, as far as u STOPPING being nice, and starting 2 treat men like "dogs"! I don't believe that that's how u earn TRUE RESPECT! And, if your friend really IS a total b!#@h 2 men, then I don't think she's really getting "great" guys. She's getting guys who are WILLING 2 put up with her "sh#t", which pretty much makes them the ENABLERS, and HER the ABUSER! And, they're really "2 sides of the SAME coin", which is why they attract each other in the 1st place! She probably walks all over her men, which means that, deep down, she really DOESN'T RESPECT them at all, and they don't respect THEMSELVES, if they ALLOW themselves 2 be treated that way! AND, DEEP DOWN, your friend can't feel that great about HERSELF either, even though she puts on a great "front"! How u treat another person DIRECTLY REFLECTS how u feel about YOURSELF! So, if your friend treats men badly, then, deep down, she feels badly about herself as well, and being a "b!#@h" is just her way of protecting herself from being hurt. She's probably been hurt badly in the past, and now, has decided that THAT will NEVER happen 2 her ever again, and 2 ENSURE this, she treats men like "dogs"! It's like, she "gets" them B-4 they have a chance 2 "get" her!
As 4 U, it sounds 2 me like your kindness may also be u ALLOWING men 2 take u 4 granted. U have 2 really DEFINE "kindness", and really ask yourself, what is your MOTIVATION, deep down? Do u do the things u do, from the HEART? Do u do them 2 get people 2 like u, or LOVE u? Do u do them, expecting something in return?
Also, do u just do 4 others, but NEGLECT yourself? 'Cuz, if THIS is the case, then people will perceive this as u don't have SELF-RESPECT!
I truly believe that people treat us exactly how we treat OURSELVES! And, we TEACH people how 2 treat us, by that example!
So, if u respect YOURSELF, and ONLY do things when u WANT 2, and say NO when u want 2, people will RESPECT that, even if they don't always LIKE it! But, if u just "people please", ALWAYS saying YES, always being "nice", then people WILL walk ALL OVER U, 'cuz being nice ALL THE TIME, is NOT realistic 4 ANYBODY, no matter how sweet u are! We're all HUMAN, so we all can be NOT NICE sometimes!
I wouldn't start being "mean", like your friend is suggesting. What I would suggest is that, instead of focusing on how the GUYS are, focus on how U are!
What's really going on inside of U?
If u want things 2 be different on the OUTSIDE, the CHANGE must start on the INSIDE! Otherwise, u'll just CONTINUE 2 attract the SAME TYPE of guy!
Most people DON'T wanna look at themselves! They just go from relationship 2 relationship, and wonder why they keep attracting the same kind of person. Well, the COMMON DENOMINATOR in the equation is U! So, once u realize WHY u keep attracting these certain types of guys, and once u c your OWN part in CO-CREATING these situations, it will be LIBERATING, 'cuz u will no longer just "point the finger" at others, 'cuz BLAME never solves ANYTHING! And, it's NOT about blaming YOURSELF either! It's just about seeing the TRUTH of WHY things are as they are!
Every way that u want a man 2 treat u, u have 2 treat YOURSELF that way 1st!
So, if u want respect, u have 2 respect yourself! If u want honesty, be honest with yourself! If u want the man 2 support u, be supportive of yourself!
U say u keep attracting your "opposite", but, at the CORE, I think u're attracting guys who are JUST LIKE U! They just APPEAR 2 be opposite, in SURFACE BEHAVIOR, but at the CORE, u BOTH have the SAME level of self-esteem! High self-esteem and low self esteem DON'T attract each other!
EVERYTHING is ENERGY, and energy can only resonate and CONNECT with energy on its own "frequency"!
So, do "nice" girls/guys finish last? NO! It may APPEAR that way, but I say NO!
Really, whoever CAN'T appreciate your kindness, is NOT the right "1" 4 u anyway!
So, don't worry about all the "losers".
Just concentrate on SELF LOVE, and SELF ACCEPTANCE, and when u're at PEACE with YOURSELF, then the RIGHT guy 4 u will appear!
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@thai11 (239)
• United States
3 May 07
Question to you...does your friend have healthy relationships? Its in your mindset. I believe that we esach have to power to create our own destiny and once we each realize it, everyone will be unstoppable!! Yes, men do like to chase while they don't like women who play games. Make yourself unavailable yet still available. If you are in a current relationship, I would suggest NOT doing everything he asks you to do unitl he starts treating you like you want to be treated. You may have that mothering syndrome where a female chooses (consciously or not) a guy that may have had some problems or issues in the past and she thinks she can "save" them or change them. If this is your mindset, please change it at once!!! There are billions of people out there in the world, you do not need to waste your time on someone who is just not right for you. I was with someone like that for 4 years and I was young so that's how he suckered me in, he was always the victim and something always happened...why did it take me so long to leave?? Love is blind, especially when you are young!! Keep your head up and stay positive, the perfect one is out there and you may have met him and didn't know it!!
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@msjigga (864)
• United States
4 May 07
Thank you for your input. I dont know why but the only Men I seem to attract are Men that are broken. I cannot attract a Man who is secure. My friend and I met through my ex he was cheating on me with her strangely we became friends instead of enemies, I do not believe in fighting over a Guy. She just left him and was able to bounce back and get another guy that treats her and her children well, me on the other am still attracting losers Men that are looking for a Mother or a Daugther figure. I can never attract a guy that see's me as a good friend. They either want to control me or me to take care of them.
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