Spare Thy Child,Spoil Thy Rod

The "rod" that is in the Bible is referring to a STANDARD, a guideline and not a cane or something to inflict pain. The Bible is merely suggesting that you should have standards and guidelines for a child. Otherwise, it is easy for them to stray. But a lot of people take this text out of context. I agree with you that children should learn that their actions have consequences. I'm very strict with my child but I don't believe in just giving him a spanking to discipline him. There are many other ways I can show him discipline and teach him right from wrong. Recently, I taught him how to stop pinching me without resorting to any kind of violence, raised voices, etc. You can read all about it under my postings.

I agree with the others here so far. Yes, children need to learn that every action has a consequence but it's not good for them to fear their parents. You are now going to have to overcome the problems your actions have caused to come between you. Start building trust and love between you right away. A family therapist would help you along. You'll find that children are generally very forgiving if you give them even half a chance. They truly WANT to love and trust us as parents so it can be done!

I do not feel a child should fear their parent, that is completly wrong and will have consequences of its own as the child gets older. Having respect is what you want, not fear.

I believe that the "rod" in the bible refers to a guide, like a rod was used for wandering sheep. You have to teach your children to do things correctly. I don't think it's good for a child to fear his parents, I think there will be trust issues and he may not always tell you about everything in life. You can teach a child that actions have consequences without using physical discipline. Discipline doesn't mean you need to be physical, you can use time outs, praise when they are being well, loss of privelages, talk to the child. There's a lot of different techniques to use besides spanking. I can't imagine raising a hand to a 10 month old, he was just a baby!

Absolutely your children must fear you. They must fear you to the same degree that you fear the law and don't wish to be thrown in prison. After all, you are the only law they know, so it's better that they be afraid of punishment, then suffer the consequences of an unfettered life. Conversely, however, to the same degree that they fear you, they must also have a conviction that you love them. Communication is key in expression love via discipline. Many people have a hard time understanding that discipline is love. It's protection from the bad part of themself that would rather just do whatever/whenever they want. So a rhetorical question for you is this: Is your child 100% confident that you love them? Can they see it in your eyes and hear it when you discipline them? If you are communicating anger to them, then I would say that it's possible you may be doing harm through your discipline along with the good. The other important point is to recognize the personality differences that are already developing in your child by that age. If you tend to be a more stout/calussed personality and are married to a sensitive, easily offended/emotionally hurt spouse, there can be an issue of perception from the child especially if the child gets their personality from the spouse. The key here again is just to remember communication. We can rely on implication or think the child will just "pick up on it." Everything is learned one way or another directly from the parent at this age, making it vital that they know exactly what you are feeling and thinking when you discipline.