Invasion!
By Denmarkguy
@Denmarkguy (1845)
United States
May 8, 2007 10:34am CST
Do you have any "invasive" people in your life?
Maybe I should explain a bit further. I am talking about the people who seem to have NO awareness, at all, of personal boundaries. I am NOT talking about the "malicious" people who deliberately meddle in other people's business, I am talking about the "oblivious" people who-- even as adults in their 30's, 40's, 50's-- seem utterly unaware that it's inappropriate to "insinuate themselves" on top of other people.
Maybe they'll just reach out and pick up your cell phone from the table to make a call. Then (after finishing their call)-- for no reason other than curiosity-- they'll scroll through the address book on your phone, to see who's in there. They'll walk in a room where you're working, and with not a word get in the middle of your project and "help" you with it. They often "know more" than professionals like doctors, dentists, accountants and lawyers, and seem dumbfounded and hurt when those professionals aren't "delighted" to have their "advice" on how to do their jobs.
If you question what they are doing, they are usually surprised and hurt... and will either try to persuade you that you obviously are "too sensitive" and "don't know" what boundaries are and YOU must "be the one with the issue"... OR will insist that you evidently "hate them" or "don't like them." And yet, they often have "walls of steel" that keep out others who ask questions to try to get to understand them better.
Do you know anyone like that? Have you ever found yourself being friends with, or even being in a realationship with, a person with an "invasive" energy? How did/do you handle the situation? Or do you simply disengage from such people? Do you think THEY have issues, or are the issues with the people who feel like they are "being invaded?" Or, alternately, do you recognize yourself in these paragraphs?
2 people like this
6 responses
@texasclassygal (5305)
• United States
8 May 07
I do have someone like this in my life, but it is not a friend but my oldest daughter, she comes into my house, makes herself home, reads my mail, looks on my computer, answer my cell phone or home phone as though this is her home. Now don't get me wrong, I love my daughter and she is always welcome at my home, but she has a home of her own and she will be 28 years old and to come to my house and do these things I find very upsetting so I have come to the point of hiding things that she might get into that is not her business, that was my only solution to a sensitive matter.
3 people like this
@Denmarkguy (1845)
• United States
9 May 07
I was taught to ask first when I was little, and at 46 I still "ask first" if there's something I want to look at, when I go to visit my mother.
It seems like a lot of folks have this sense of "entitlement," when it comes to other people's lives and property... and it seems ridiculus that you'd have to hide things in your own house...
@Melody1 (967)
• India
8 May 07
I would rather be called 'aloof' than 'invasive'.Yeah,I understand what you are referring to.we all have a couple of 'such' people in our lives.It escapes my understanding the reason behind this behaviour.
Age seems to have no role with people having this kind of 'disorder'.The person at the receiving end is left with no choice than to keep them at bay.
I have a few aquaintances having this invasive tendency.At a couple of occaisions,things have gone a bit too far.To cite one such example: I got a phone call from one of my junior colleague regarding some admin matters of a welfare venture that I'm responsible for.We discussed things at length totally unaware of my neighbour,who happened to come inside my house and comfortably listened to the whole conversation.When I turned I saw here standing in the living room and then gave me a broad smile as if she had all the right to be there.
I have a distant relative of mine who enters anyone and everyone's bedroom without the slightest of hesitation and makes himself comfortable on bed,or couch,or wherever he fancies.Lol.I mean what can you say.
They know what they are upto but pretend being hurt or sensitive,maybe to just feign their intention.
I'm happy that I don't recognize myself at all in your post above.
On the contrary,I am generally mistaken as an aloof person to outsiders.Now after reading your post I'm happy I'm not the opposite.
@Denmarkguy (1845)
• United States
9 May 07
I really understand the "aloof" remark-- I have from time to time been told I seem aloof, because I don't welcome people to walk around in my private business and offer their commentary. And you're right, age has nothing to do with it.
I had a friend I'd sometimes go to parties with, and I saw her opening people's drawers, or leafing through their mail, when we were places together. Once she even (I discovered later) stole a couple of napkins, because "she liked them." But she didn't think of it as stealing, because "they were in a closet and clearly never got used."
1 person likes this
@mimpi1911 (25464)
• India
9 May 07
i have known friends who have come across such "invasive" ppl in some point in their life. its, no doubt, very offputting. i am a very private person and would never like to invade upon others' privacy. i know how gross it feels.
however, having said this, this disengaged, disalienated estrangement often takes difrent turn when i am forced to think that i could have been more into stuff or ppl even.
thank you
1 person likes this
@mimpi1911 (25464)
• India
10 May 07
yes, i just meant what you said. thanx denmarkguy, for putting perfect words to my inexplicit expressions. no wonder you are a writer.
thanx.
@Denmarkguy (1845)
• United States
9 May 07
It's true that we do sometimes seem to be disconnected... however, I also think we can be more into people, and caring, without necessarily having to be "in the middle of their stuff."
@urbangirl (1456)
• Australia
3 Jul 07
hehe..this is very topical for me, because I am on vacation (supposedly) but I get invasive calls from work and end up spending time stressing about things that still need to be done at the office when i am supposed to be winding down and relaxing. It is indeed very invasive.
@Tetchie (2932)
• Australia
9 May 07
That saying "make yourself at home" should be voiced with caution in the company of some people, especially if they like other people's napkins! I've just started to disengage from a person who is in the "know more" category. Mainly because it's continuous and it ends up very condescending. So is this type of invasion an invasion of your intelligence? It does leech my energy allot.
1 person likes this
@Denmarkguy (1845)
• United States
9 May 07
Ah yes, I've met a few who seemed compelled to "exert their expertise" on everybody within 100 miles of them. They automatically assign the label "idiot" to anyone who doesn't see the world as they do, and doesn't give them the answers they want... I believe that CAN be a form of bullying, because they are essentially denying you your right to your own opinions and conclusions.
@byfaithonly (10698)
• United States
8 May 07
Oh yes, I've had this problem. I am a very independant and private person (believe it or not) I guess mainly with my "space" and people like this drive me crazy. I will do my best to avoid these types and honestly can not think of a friend I've ever had that was like this.
@Denmarkguy (1845)
• United States
9 May 07
I am a pretty private person, too... perhaps the result of growing up in a family environment where there were no such things as "boundaries." The sad thing is that it taught me never to share anything openly that I wasn't first prepared for being used against me, in some way.
