How do you catch a cheater (man or woman)? Please help!
@thewellnessretreat (126)
United States
May 8, 2007 10:03pm CST
I have a dilemma. My fiance is cheating, I know it in my gut. Plus, I have numerous things to back me up (cell phone usage, hidden conversations, secretive behavior, eye witness accounts of things going on, etc etc).
But here is what makes catching him so difficult. We live in WI, the woman (married) is in MI (where we used to live, and where 3 of his kids still live) He makes excuses to go see his kids in MI, but doesnt see them. She is his sisters best friend and his family covers for him, I know it from things his kids have said as to what goes on (sleeping arrangements etc). She just conveniently has fights with her husband and has to stay at his sisters house whenever he is in town.
But, how in the world can I catch him red handed when we are not there together? I want concrete evidence before I confront him. I have said things, but of course he denies it and tells me I am stupid for thinking it. However, I know I am not stupid, I have been through this before.
Has anyone caught a cheater? If yes, how did you do it? What methods were most effective? Tips and suggestions greatly appreciated!!!! If you think you can help me with a strategy, you can send me a personal message too.
2 people like this
14 responses
@cyntrow (8523)
• United States
9 May 07
At this point I would suggest ending the relationship, regardless of his cheating status. Even if it turns out that he isn't cheating, there are some serious trust issues that will be difficult to overcome. I don't think that going out of your way to catch him in the act is at all healthy. You should just be done with him. I suggest ending the relationship and explain to him that with all the evidence you have uncovered, however circumstantial it may be, you just can't trust him and shouldn't continue.
@thewellnessretreat (126)
• United States
10 May 07
Very well said, thank you. I am actually moving to MI in a few weeks and he is staying in WI. It is my way out and I am taking it. I guess I just felt I needed concrete evidence before confronting him. In fact, I have already confronted him on "friendly" terms but of course he denies it and calls me stupid for thinking it. But, I know I am not. His whole excuse for this woman calling is that she is having marital problems and since he is like a big brother to her she calls him for help....PLEASE, I never bought that crap. I just found out the other info a few days ago so it is all adding up now. Thanks for sharing!
@candiec2005 (828)
• United States
9 May 07
A woman's intuition is a very POWERFUL thing! You have enough evidence to dump this man. What is the point in being in a relationship that you can't trust? Do not marry this man! You'll be better off alone.
@thewellnessretreat (126)
• United States
10 May 07
I agree, and I am on my way out of the relationship! Thanks
@babygurl850406 (1322)
• United States
9 May 07
Personally I would think just by your gut feeling telling you that he is cheating and his kids saying stuff should be enough to get out of the relationship.
Check with his cell phone service provider because there are ways to get a list of outgoing phone (many providers wont give you a list of incoming calls because of privacy reasons)
You can buy inexpensive voice recorders that are small and stick it somewhere inconspicious and try and catch his end of the phone conversation.
If you are able to and want to go to drastic matters make a surprise visit to Michigan and really catch him in the act! This will be a total shock to him to see you there and will possibly give you the proof you need!
Good luck on this and I wish you the best! :)
@thewellnessretreat (126)
• United States
10 May 07
You are right. I am actually moving to MI in about 3 weeks and he is staying in WI. I just want to get proof before I confront him with it. I want to try to set a trap, but I am afraid that I might not know when he is coming to MI cause if he is being sneaky he won't tell me. But, I will find a way! Thanks so much!
@makingpots (11915)
• United States
9 May 07
I recommend not spending a penny or another minute of your time on this guy. If your gut feeling is that strong there is problems in the relationship that you need to not ignore. If you feel his family is covering for him, you clearly will start sufferring some self-esteem issues around them. Nobody needs to feel the way you are feeling. Leave him and if it was really meant to be he will step up and help to dispell the feelings you are having. If not, you are probably better off.
Go on with your life.
@thewellnessretreat (126)
• United States
10 May 07
I agree, I am actually moving to MI in a few weeks. He is staying in WI. He says he will come to MI to visit the kids, but both his ex wife and I think he will show up without telling us. I guess I just feel I need to prove it before I confront him with it. I have already told him my feelings (in a peaceful manner) and he of course denies it and says I am stupid for thinking it. Once I get to MI I am sure I will find out more than I want to know. Thanks so much for sharing, I appreciate it.
@whywiki (6066)
• Canada
9 May 07
I caught my ex-fiance twice. I had a key to his place and dropped by when on a break from work. I was working night shift at the time so he wasn't expecting me. It was heartbreaking at the time but I learned and moved on. There really are good men out there it is just a matter of meeting them. I think a woman's intuition is usually right. Can you follow him to MI without him noticing? Maybe he will be careless thinking you are hundreds of miles away. Then again you should be really sure that you want to know. Either way you deserve to be happy. Good luck.
@thewellnessretreat (126)
• United States
10 May 07
Thanks for sharing. I am actually moving to MI to be closer to my family in a couple weeks. He supposedy will come to see all five of his kids on a regular basis, but both his ex and I think he is going to come without telling us so he can be with her. I am going to set a trap once I get there and when I know he is there, I will follow him. Thanks again and take care.
@bcote212 (1112)
• United States
9 May 07
I would advise you not to spend anymore time or effort with this man. if you were in an open relationship that would be one thing, but this guy is supposed to be your fiance. You already have all the proof that you need to know that he is cheating, why would you put yourself through more jsut because you want to see them together? You should just let him know that it has become perfectly clear to you what he is doing, and that you are not going to take it. A real man would be honest with you, and let you know what is going on. I cheated on my partner a few years back, and I felt so bad that I had to tell him. I think that if he was to tell you "hey this is what happened, and it didnt mean anything" then it might be possible to believe him, but this obviously has been going on for a while, and is not just a one time thing. My advice RUN.
@thewellnessretreat (126)
• United States
10 May 07
Thank you very much for sharing. He is definitely never going to come clean, I have already confronted him in a "friendly" way about what he is doing. But of course he denies it and calls me stupid for thinking it. I guess I just felt I needed evidence before I really confront him as to the reason I am leaving him. I appreciate your opinion, you are exactly right. Take care
@retardedrugrat (4791)
• Canada
9 May 07
Honestly, if my gut feeling was as strong as yours seems to be, I would be OUTTA there! I wouldn't be waiting for concrete evidence, because I think deep down, you know you already have the evidence you need.
There are ways and means though if you really feel you need solid evidence. You can call his cell company and ask for a record of outgoing calls, and see if any numbers seem to jump out at you.
If you have the money, you could also hire a private detective, or go one better and call up the television show called Cheaters if you're really brave.
I wish you all the very best of luck.
@anindito (58)
• Indonesia
9 May 07
in my opinion a cheater is a cheater.in my personal i dont feel disturb a cheater.dont feel bother of that.just follow your heart and your way will show what you must to do.but for you i think you can send your friend to check the truth,why she doing that.
@browneyedgirl (1264)
• United States
10 May 07
If you are able to follow him without his knowing it, you should. Show up at his sister's house unexpectedly. Rent a car if you have to-it's probably best to be in an unfamiliar vehicle anyway. I think that's the only way you're going to be able to catch him "red-handed." What you need to ask yourself before you take any action is: What kind of action are you prepared to take?-because you will have to take some kind of action if and when you catch them.
@vashstampede992000 (2560)
• Philippines
9 May 07
Go and get an Investigator to investigate and to know what's your partner is really doing or if she/he is cheating on you.
That's all i can say.
Have a nice day ahead from Francis.
@leeesa (884)
• United States
10 May 07
If you know in your gut, then why does it matter to catch him red handed? Even if he's not cheating, it's clear that you don't trust him. Trust is the foundation of a relationship. I'm sorry to say that this one isn't going to last, so you are better off moving on and finding a man who loves and adores only you. Also, he will continue to deny it as long as he knows you will fall for it. Follow your heart.
@ronjunky02 (2)
• Nicaragua
10 May 07
in my opinion, the best thing is to forget everything and to cut everything by root not to be martyring the life, so I animate leaves all that by and back ready
