how to make her go away
By mrsbrian
@mrsbrian (1949)
United States
May 9, 2007 10:00am CST
We have a neighbor child who comes over daily, we have no children at home. Such a cute child, comes in and you become friends with her,feed her some snacks and talk with her, than she makes a habit of coming over everyday and following me around the house,asking a million questions and never wanting it seems to leave untill we say we have to go away or something. She is cute but how do I make her understand we dont want her over daily with out hurting her feelings? do we go to her parents? or just plain tell her straight out? any suggestions?
11 people like this
28 responses
@jetta12 (94)
• United States
9 May 07
Tell her you love for her coming over for a visit,but not so often because you have work to do and can't do it with her over there.You just don't have the time to talk when doing your work.And you be scare that you might hurt her if she be in you way.Than set a time for her to visit.
2 people like this
@Lauraleigh99 (4718)
• United States
9 May 07
I would talk to the parents. You telling her personally might hurt her feelings Her parents can say something like you need to stay home today or you can only go visit once a week or something like that to her and shewill listen. But coming from you I think she will be hurt cause it is obvious she likes you!
@Erilyn (3020)
• United States
10 May 07
I see a lot of people saying to talk to her parents. it doens't seem though that anyone has thought maybe the reason she spends so much time at your house becasue she doesn't want to be home for whatever reason.
Have you tried asking her about her home life? There maybe something going on at home that talking directly to her parents might not be the best answer. I would try to gently talk to her and see if you can get her to open up to you. You may find that her home life isn't a happy one. Esp if she has been comming over everyday and noone comes to check on her or goes looking for her. That would send up red flags to me.
I can tell you from personal experience that a child who has a not so happy home life will do anything she can to stay away from home. She may see you as a mother figure she would like to have.
@Erilyn (3020)
• United States
10 May 07
That's good that she has a good home life. That would be my first concern in a situation like this. I would tell her then when she comes to the door I am sorry sweetie but I have to work today. I design websites from home and my kids know when not to bother me. They will ask if I am working and when I tell them I am they find something to do until I have finished.
@whywiki (6066)
• Canada
9 May 07
I would talk to her parents as they are the ones mature enough to take it the right way. The child may not understand and take offense. Or you could feed the kid stale cookies and flat soda. That would make me stay away if I were a kid!
@PsychoDude (2013)
• Netherlands
9 May 07
I think you can probably best talk about it to her parents, they could motivate her to do something else instead. Something more located inside their own house.
1 person likes this
@nicolecab (923)
• United States
9 May 07
i think i def. stick to talking to her parents. Children are very senstive and i know you would hate it if she takes it the wrong way. her parents will know how and what to say or do with the child and her feelings will more than likely be spared. I know if it were my child i would much rather the adults come to me to address any issues that they may have with my child.
1 person likes this
@boeyong (256)
• Malaysia
10 May 07
If you are regretting over this situation with the child, then one "mistake" you made would have been being friends with her and being good to her. I call it a "mistake" because it is no mistake at all but you certainly found out that you bit off more than you can chew. The child may have been deprived of the love she needs that you showered her with and she finds comfort in you. She may even prefer your company than her parents'. A child is at the learning stage and the fact that she is asking you a million questions means she has faith in you and believes you to be a reliable source of answers. So, if you can, let things be, but maybe talk to her parents and let them know that while you are happy to have her over, there are times you need to be in your own space. NICELY. Or you can tell the child that "Aunty needs to run some errands so could you come back later when I am finished with my chores"? Or something to that effect. If you are willing, you can even treat her like the extra daughter you never had. :)
@mrsbrian (1949)
• United States
10 May 07
While I dont mind her being over playing while my grandchildren are there is fine it will have to end there,I work from home and dont have time to be answering the door every hour to see what the poor dear wants now. thank you for your responce it is a nice way to handle things.
@altair_dip (807)
• India
10 May 07
oh.. i think u should be very straight forward and talk to the child.. she will understand.. just tell her that u like time by yourself or u wnat to spend time wioth ur hubby alone and u can have a time setout for her every week when she can play with u .. i am sure she will understand..give very simple and honest answers.. children appriciat that better than any false modesty
@Foxxee (3651)
• United States
10 May 07
Do you know the child's parents pretty good? I mean, do they know where their child is or do they not pay attention.
I wouldn't be letting my child run around and hanging out with the neighbors all the time, it doesn't seem right.
I would talk with the parents. I'm sure you can come up with a nice approach or something for the parents?
@freak369 (5113)
• United States
9 Jun 07
I'd start putting a time limit on it, like when she shows up say that she can only stay ten minutes because you have something that you need to do. Be prepared with a retort in case she wants to know what you are doing - especially if it is something fun. Then start cutting down the time ... eventually she will find something else to do with her time.
Or you could be mean like me and ask her if she wants to help you polish the bottoms of the copper pans, mop the floor, change the litter for the animals .. all those "fun" things lol.
@3r7sweetie (937)
• Philippines
4 Jun 07
I had the same problem months ago. There was this son of a construction worker who kept coming back into our house especially during dinner time. He has taken it into a habit to eat dinner in our house everyday, and everytime I get home from work I'd find him lying on our sofa watching tv, waiting for me, and for dinner. On weekends when I am home, he'd go to the house anytime and ask me if he could turn on the tv. It was ok for me but there were times that I'd ask myself if I'd been too nice to him because he had seemed to feel so at home in my house that he actually opens the ref anytime he wants without my permission, drink water, or get something without asking me first , as if he lives there with me. So I started to distant myself from him and told my helpers to put limits to when it comes to the boy. Maybe he sensed that or he overheard me saying that because one day he just stopped eating in our house.
@sick4muzick (816)
• Philippines
10 May 07
hi mrsbrian. The poor child. I think she finds comfort in you. It would hurt her if you talk to her and she might not understand. I think I would go to the parents too. I hope the parents will understand. Some parents take offense at the slightest word they feel is said against their child. I hope this is not the case. THanks and good day!
@makingpots (11915)
• United States
4 Jun 07
My father had this problem when he and my mother lived in an apartment for a while. In their case it would not have helped to talk to the parent (long story). Dad started a thing called 'Thursday Playdates' or whatever day it was and started making a big deal about it. When he would see the little boy outside playing he'd say, "can't wait to see you on Thursday" and things like that. He had to tell him at the door a couple of times "two more days until Thurs., I'll see ya then Buddy", but it finally caught on.
@Rickrocks8 (1751)
• United States
10 May 07
I can understand that it drives you nuts, but I couldn't turn a child away. Maybe you could talk to her mom and lay some ground rules. If she comes over you can say ok you can stay but I have to leave in 30 min. But the sad part is Her mom lets her do this, so you must be filling some void in her life. And if she comes over while you are cleaning I would include her in that.
Maybe if you got her a few fun little things to do she may stay our of your hair like sidewalk chalk, rubber stamps and ink. markers. Maybe hat will help. Or maybe you could talk to her about finding friends and how to make friends. Good luck!
@Rickrocks8 (1751)
• United States
18 May 07
thanks for the BR! How are things going is she still coming over?
@ElusiveButterfly (45940)
• United States
10 May 07
I would tell the child that you enjoy her company very much, but you would like to spend some time alone with your husband. Tell her that you would like to pick out a couple of days a week for her to come over that would be her special days. Select the days together and mark them on your calendar.
@samtaylorskykierajen (7977)
• Canada
2 Jun 07
I would try talking to her parents and telling them that you do think she is cute and you don't mind her coming over but that she can't stay for hours on end that you have things to do and that she never wants to leave and that you can't spend your day babysitting her .
I would be nice about it but try to be firm because they may love the fact that she is at your house all the time and they may be encouraging the behaviour just so they don't have to watch her themselves . If this does not work then you may have to talk to the child and try to explain to her that she is welcome but that you have things that need to be done and you can't get them done if she is with you all the time but that she can come back anohter day .
Best of luck !!
@DiamondWings (176)
• United States
4 Jun 07
I had a similar situation with a lovely little girl who is really left out at home. But, I don't have children of my own and have lots to do at home. I usually have to tell her I'm busy and she needs to go home when she comes over too much. This family will be moving away in a couple of days. I feel badly about not spending more time with her but by the same token, I didn't have children of my own and don't really want to raise someone else's. I know that may sound harsh but I don't have the patience for a little person following me around and talking a blue streak. I hope you are successful in dealing with this little one. Sometimes the parents are just as happy when their kidlet is at someone else's home.
@atramesil (685)
• United States
10 May 07
I agree with everyone about talking to her parents. Maybe, since you seem to actually enjoy her company to a degree you could work out a time of the week to set aside for her to visit when it won't interrupt your schedule so much.Maybe a standing Saturday afternoon tea party with an official invite or something along those lines.
@mari123 (1861)
• China
10 May 07
child is nature to eat sock,and you always feed her some snacks ,she think you love her to visit your house day by day,and give her sock to eat.i think you shouldn't refuse her and never say to her parents,if you think the child over daily with you house,you can leave you house for a few days for a trip or visit your relatives house.
@yamahagirl (415)
•
1 Jun 07
Hi there,
How is this child?
If she is under five i would talk to her parents tell them how you feel i mean if she around you place all the time thats not right.
but saying that is there a reason why she comes to your house so much?
her parents maybe?