maRRiage probs.
By switfaye_06
@switfaye_06 (29)
Hong Kong
May 10, 2007 12:40am CST
heLp need advise..i had a problem between my mom and my husBand..I'm a fiLipina and my husband grew uP in jersey since we have different cuLture and vaLues everytiMe they talk with each other with certaiN issues they end up in arguments..then my moM will alwayS compare him To others but she dont solve the real problem.all she think is my husband lack respect and etc..she's kind'a emotional maybe because she's a single mom..actually i have a hard time dealing with it cause im considering the feelings of the 2 important person in my life..ofcourse i dont want any one of them to get hurt but right now it seems that my husband is fed up with this thing and he talked to me and ask me to focus with us first..his a considerate person and a loving one but before we got married he make things clear to me that he dont want to get involved bout family and money issues because he knows problems will occur.and i agree to him..but my mom is a single mom and i know she only wants the best for us but i talked to her already and explained to her that i have my own life right now.the only reason why their talking with each other is to update whats happening in their lives and not to control our lives or ask us to do this or that w/o considering our opinions..im only married for 7months and this issue stress me so much..
can u help me solve this matter,,how can i explained clearly to my mom that i have my own life and she must be happy coz i found the right guy for me and worry nothing.how will i convince her that my husband respects her so much its just our culture and values has a huge impact why my husband has a different point of view with all the things thats happening in life?how will i tell her without hurting her feelings( as u know she's my mom and i love her) that the time has come and i am no longer her baby and my husband will be the one taking the responsibility..gosh!!i cant sleep coz me and my husband starts to argue bout this matter and i have to protect my mom..bec.she's a great mom,she only wants the best for me but she's separated so how will i listen to her if her marriage life failed too..how?how?how?will i tell her and make her understand that i'm MarrIeD and i'm starting a new chapter in my Life..
1 person likes this
3 responses
@RobinJ (2501)
• Canada
10 May 07
I would tell you mom how this is affecting you, She may very well have your best interest a heart, but as you said you are now married, and your mom needs to respect you decision to be a married woman. What goes on in your marriage is between you and your husband, and if your mom is not told she can not try to interfere. If you keep feeding her small parts of information about you married life she will feel obligated to step in. so keep her close to your heart but out of the loop of your marriage.
@switfaye_06 (29)
• Hong Kong
10 May 07
thanks for the advise..ive done that plenty of times..but she never listen and ofcourse everytime me and my husband talk in the phone i know she listen to our conversation and when i know she wants to comment bout it i stopped her and told her whats going on between me and my husband is between us only i cant let her tell me what i need to do but she felt bad bout it..sometimes i dont know what to do bec.she wants to involved so much in my life but im not used to it..and also my 2 sisters are married too but she is not interfering their lives..and me i grew up w/o her,i worked after i finished secondary and helped her, i also worked in hongkong to help her and when i got married i gave all my money til the last cent and ask her permission to get married as a respect to her..i never told her that my husband is a u.s citizen so when the time comes that im processing my paper i told her bout that,thats the time she wants to me to do this and that..and some money issues..i helped her in the way i can but she's asking more than i can give sometimes..u see why it has to be me always..how bout my other sisters..im getting tired thinking bout this..she left us and worked abroad when im 12 i grew up independently and didnt gave her any burden all i ask is my privacy but its hard for her to give..sigh....
1 person likes this
@RobinJ (2501)
• Canada
11 May 07
Sorry Dear I have run out of ideas, I am sorry I do hope you are able to find the peace you so deservedly need. Take care.
@laila675 (528)
• United Arab Emirates
10 May 07
i guess it's all about your mom's security issue. correct me if im wrong. i mean, she wanted to interfer in a sense that she thinks everything she said is right and to show your husband that she's needed in your marriage. or just like what you've said, you usually send out all of your income to your mom when you were single. have you stopped supporting her financially after you got married? coz if yes maybe she's thinking that your husband has stopped you from financially supporting her. That's why she have this cold heart with your husband.
@switfaye_06 (29)
• Hong Kong
11 May 07
yup kind'a she always told me that their will come a time i will need her help lol..i mean yes ofcourse i will but as much as possible i want me and my husband solving our own issues and not letting my mom join us..i want our privacy..and also how can i help my mom right now if were still processing my paper u know lots of money issue involved..i told my mom i will help her once im settled with my husband but right now i cant do anything..i already talked to her bout this..i just hope she will analyzed and try to understand it w/o being emotional..sigh
@rainyl (671)
• United States
10 May 07
Well Family is family whether it is your family or married into it. Family stands by family and if you and your husband are in a position that can help your MOM then you should.
Yes you are starting a new life with your husband however when it gets ugly and things look like they are at the end who are you gonna run to? yep YOUR MOM..
Growing up in Jersey and you being filipina does not really make much of a difference when it comes to family unless your husband is an only child and a spoiled brat....
How long did you know him before you married him?
Why does it sound like you are trying to make yourself believe that it is ok not to help your mother if she needs help??
Follow your heart and go to sleep, if he is arguing over your mother maybe you should reconsider the marriage it is still early enough to get out....
think about it this way if it was his mother would he help her if she needed it? your mother is no different if she needs help then help her.
@switfaye_06 (29)
• Hong Kong
10 May 07
thanks for your response.ive known him for a long time and his there for me when noone does..his only prob.bout my mom is my security.as ive said i only want to protect my moms image but the case i slike this before my husband left me he wants me to rent a house but my mom ask him that i can live with her in her workplace assuring my husband that ill be ok and she will take care of me..but his employer has an attitude he go out in his room wearing brief and theres one incidence where he go out the bathroom wearing nothing after taking a bath because he forgot his towel and im the only one in the house is me because my mom is out..and now my mom is planning to go back to our country because she misses my other siblings,and ill replace her in her work as a helper in her boss house..so its all about security and not money..my husband is getting mad because my mom always broke her promises to her and she dont consider much bout me..i know my mom is my mom i love her but i grew up w/o her because i live independently..i work here abroad before getting marry just to help my mom and all of my earnings i gave all to her til the last cent and after that i asked her permission to marry w/o any savings on my own but the only prob. is were 4 kids my 2 sisters are married too but she dont involved herself that much too them but to me she want to interfere all about our relationship..i want to protect my mom's image but its unfair to my husband bec.all my husband want is the best for me..and he knows my life story specially when im struggling alone to move forward and his the only one who is there for me..my mom she's busy with my elder sister..if u know the word favoritism well in my mom's case its exist her favorite is my elder sis and she wants the best for her thou she know im having a hard time she dont listen to me.she only listen to me when im crying while telling what i feel..
