i wanna die

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ok this is probably cuz im drunk and crying n its around that time of the month but i feel like sh!t im drinking...alone. thats like the first sign of becoming an alcoholic right? i was going to a party bringing beers anddd i got there n the dude who invited me wasnt there n there was no party so i crashed this other party which my friend was at but my former friend was there as well n it was very awkward i was very unwanted:-( n i only went out becuz i didnt wanna sit at home n cry in the dark all night. bt here iam crying n drinking the beers i bought cuz i dont wanna waste em n too lazy to get up n put em in the fridge. n oh yea my mom hates me even more now since i told her im gay. great stuff. n she makes horrible little comments to me everyday n im just so over it already im so over everything i wish i was never born but not like the kind of never born from its a wonderful life. i mean never in existence at all. never thought of never conceived. not a physical being. im such a loser. my girlfriend lives a billion million miles away from me n i cant take it anymore i hate hiding that im gay n i hate being away from her even more n she hates me so much right now n i jst wanna end it cuz its so impossible for us to be together its so never gonna happen like so what fu*k it already just give up. n seems like im the only one always trying n trying n no one fu*kin cares im so over everything its time for me not to care fu*k everybody:-( i shall sit in the dark n continue to cry n finish these beers