resorting to making someone feel bad

He is not a good Husband if he does that to her He is Mentally abusing her and believe me I know all about that in this respect and lots of other ones It took me a long time to get out of it But I wish really that I would have done this Ignore his Comment if she feels good then keep feeling good Ask him if he has looked in the Mirror Latley and why is he still with her if that is what he thinks If I would have been as strong then when I was married like I am now believe me I would not have taken any of the Sh*t that I did and totally loose confidence in myself

I'm not going to slama this ladies husband like a lot of people on here. She is with him and they are together for whatever reasons they have. I'm not saying I like the idea of someone getting put down but.... She just shouldn't listen to him, she shouldn't ask for his opinion like "hunnie, do you like this shirt?" or "Hunnie, do these pants my my bum fat?" She should just depend on her own judgement. Beacuse you are her friend you can be a great self esteem booster for her. Don't flatter her needlessly though or it will be fake and the compliments won't help her at all. If she is overweight and not happy about it, don't suggest anything as it may hurt her and she may think that you think she is FAT. But if she wants to do something, why not say yeah, lets go for a walk and chat, or if you are out shopping why not avoid the fastfood restaurants. I'm not saying that she doesn't exercise or that she eats bad food, these are just small suggestions I thought might help. I had a friend and instead of sitting at home having coffee we would get together and go for a walk and visit each other while we walked. We were out exercising but still enjoying a chat. I lost over 24 LBs that 2 month period and my friend and I got closer because we were getting toegther 3 times a week. I was forced to move away from that area otherwise I think I would still be there doing that.

Well it sounds to me like your friend's husband is a typical control freak. He wants his wife to be totally dependant on him, and not have a life or views of her own, and the best way to do that is to rob her of her self-respect, so that she doesn't feel "worthy" to meet other people or contribute to society in any way, apart from as "his" wife and thr mother of "his" children. Maybe he feels that if she starts to feel good about herself, and maybe take more care of her appearance and lose weight, she will attract other men,, and deserves better. If I were her, I would not put up wth that kind of treatment at all.

How sad.Some of my friends are overweight and they seem to be the happiest people I know.I don't think anyone should be made fun of.It is what is inside that counts.Maybe he is jealous of her and he is trying to make her insecure so she won't leave him.They say that people who are insecure about themselves often put other people down so they look good.As for what she can do.I would just continue to give her encouragemant about herself.I don't think I would get in the middle of her and her husband.But if she does ask for your help I would tell her to ignore him.Or maybe she could jokingly pick on him back.Like saying "So you have a big nose" or something like that.That way maybe he will think that she thinks he is kidding about her weight.And maybe he will stop.I don't think that a husband or anyone else should make fun of anyone.

I also am overweight but I'm tall and have a large frame so it's not terribly noticeable. People are stunned when I tell them how much I actually weigh. Folk say, "you're not FAT, you're big, but you're not fat" "Wow! Do you really weigh that much? You don't look that big" etc. My father on the other hand criticises me and mentions my weight in a way that makes me self conscious and embarrassed. I've told him that it doesn't help when he says those things and that it doesn't make me feel better about myself but he still does it...knowing that it hurts me. I think he does it to shock me into doing something about my weight...as if I choose to be like this with all the discomfort and self image issues that go along with it. Your friends situation sounds horrible. I would recommend that she see a counsellor or asks her GP to recommend someone she could speak to. Her situation will never improve under these conditions and she will more than likely become depressed.

Does your friend ever find out why the husband put her down only when she feel good about herself? I am not trying to defend the husband but in my opinion, the husband could be taking the chance to 'motivate' her to slim down since he professes to love her, is a good husband and father. Alternatively, he could be suffering from some inferior complex when he compares himself with his peers, or he could be unhappy someone is making fun of his wife and he is taking it on his own. Man are always proud of their wives, especially if the wife is pretty and sexy even after giving birth. He could have misgivings when she puts on weight after childbirth, but does not want to hurt her directly by telling her off. It is only when he finds the wife is feeling good, he just cannot stomach it, and speak his mind. That explains why he "puts" her down only when she is feeling good about herself. May I suggest to think over it from another angle and understand from the husband directly before seeking a divorce.

Find the number to your local domestic violence agency, and give her their crisis number. There are people at every domestic violence agency who answer the phones 24 hours a day who are there just to talk. I work at an agency like that, and the people there are specially trained and can give her some really great advice.

Well, I can sense insecurity on the part of her husband. Why would anyone put somebody else down other than to feel good about themselves? He might love her, maybe too much that he is afraid that feeling good about herself would create a sense of independence. Being independent and feeling good might mean expanding horizons, that would later separate her from her family, because she might not feel much need for her husband in this case. Maybe it's a fear that the husband has, and the only way to stop it from happening is to stop her everytime she feels good about herself. She should talk to her husband about this to know once and for all the reason for his behavior, as it may ruin their relationship in the long run.

She really need to talk with him clearly about what his comment make her feel.To live happy they both understand each other well . If she feels good about herself from inside then it just don't mind his comment .If he really loves her then he should accept her as she is.

The husband was tactless and not considerate enough of his wife's feelings. There are some people who said things that they never really meant to. Her husband may uttered those words without thinking because that's what he saw in his wife. Tell your friend to calmly talk with her husband and be straight about her feelings. It is not easy for some women to get back in shape after having their children. She might like the idea of urging her husband's support to start a diet and exercise regimen together.

If she tells him that she knows why he says that and it's not going to work it will take a lot of the fun out of it. I can only think of a few of possible reasons for his behavior. He is either a control freak as stated before, he needs to hurt someone else to reassure himself or he's been hit in the head one too many times. If she laughs off what he says instead of reacting to it in a hurt way it will make him feel foolish for his behavior also. Good luck to you and your friend.

Well, that is very disappointing to have a husband like that. Of course, his wife will feel terribly bad because that doesn't show any love at all rather a discouragement about his wife's image or personality. What can we do? I think, better advice your friend to diet so that his husband won't be bitter about how she looks. But even so, that wasn't fair for the wife at all. A loving husband should accept and appreciate his wife regardless of how she looks.

People who themselves have very low self esteem, feel better about themselves when they put others down. Then, when that other person feels bad, they feel they have more power over them because they have the ability to control that person's emotions. This is a form of abuse. Since your friend is not asking for any suggestions, I wouldn't give it here, but she needs to get into some sort of counseling to find out why she stays with someone who is controlling and emotionally abusive.

It seems to me that when people insult others it is usually to make themselves feel better. It is a form of bullying. The husband's self-esteem is probably very low and he is compensating by passing that on to the wife. She may not want to leave or seek a divorce, yet the problem should be addressed head on. After that, serious decisions need to begin to take place based on the reactions and changes (or lack thereof) cheers,

He may be afraid she will leave him if she feels good about herself. Does he feel good about himself? She needs to ask him why he does this. Of course he will say he doesn't.

Your friend's husband is probbaly insecure. He knows she is overly sensitive to her weight and so he uses that to make himself feel more secure. He is probbaly afraid that if she starts feeling good about herself, she may realize she does not need him. If you say he a good eprson otherwise, then maybe she just needs to let go - she needs to build her own confidence so that nothing he says will bring her down.

Well, that is very disappointing to have a husband like that. Of course, his wife will feel terribly bad because that doesn't show any love at all rather a discouragement about his wife's image or personality. What can we do? I think, better advice your friend to diet so that his husband won't be bitter about how she looks. But even so, that wasn't fair for the wife at all. A loving husband should accept and appreciate his wife regardless of how she looks.

Hmmm, he might just be trying to bully her into loosing some weight. Obviously thats completely wrong and he shouldn't be saying disrespectful things towards his wife, but it may be the only way that he know how to motivate her. Maybe he thinks that if he makes fun of her about her weight, that she'll be more determined to loose the weight on her own. Either way, he shouldn't be doing it. Just my two cents.

this doesnt mean that u divorse with ur husband..... its the taste of life....

the husband is insecure...that is why he always let his wife feel bad about herself