You don't even have kids!
By lillake
@lillake (1630)
United States
May 13, 2007 10:16pm CST
This is part rant,so be warned. Why is it that people who do not have children always have to step in and give their horrible parenting advice? It is always something that does not make sense or is just abusive! Even worse are the one who do not want kids and plan to never have children. They always seem to be putting their opinions in as if they are the only experts on childcare ever. Usually their only experience is being an older sibling or a babysitter, neither of which can be compared to being a parent.
The "advice", if you can even call it that, is so completely illogical! Theyhave no concept of child developement but they think they can tell others what their children should be doing. Or they act like everything a child does is reason to spank them. It is driving me batty!
Not everyone, mind you, but the majority of disturbing advice I have heard lately has come from people who don't have a clue what it is like to raise your own children. but they puff themselves up like they are the experts and we should all listen to them. Ugh!
5 people like this
14 responses
@headorwheeler (2)
• United States
14 May 07
I am not sure what prompts these type of people to speak on a subject they have no idea about. Sometimes I wish I could just drop my kids off with them for one week. I believe that is all it would take to get them to shut up for good. I had a social worker show up at my door once who was about 25 with no kids telling me how I should raise my three!! She thought just because someone wrote a book and she read it she was an expert on the subject. It is driving me crazy as well!!
2 people like this
@recycledgoth (9894)
•
14 May 07
Unfortunately there is always someone who thinks they know what is best for your child. When my son was little he was diagnosed ADHD and would have some dreadful tantrums when we were out. The number of people who would say things like "he needs a spanking" or "you shouldn't let him do this" drove me nuts. What did they know? Who were these people? "What right have they to critise"
Every child is different and every parent is different, you have to go by instinct a lot of the time, so these self-proclaimed experts should really stop and think more before speaking
2 people like this
@Galena (9110)
•
14 May 07
I sometimes join in on discussions about parenting, although I have no children, and no wish to have children.
I don't think that this is completely unjustified.
I was a child once, after all, and I think my mum did a fantastic job of bringing me up single handed.
I admire her a lot for what she did for me.
so when I'm advising people of the way that my mum raised me, I think my point is pretty valid. I turned out pretty well, I think, so I know a lot of her ways of doing things were effective.
@lillake (1630)
• United States
14 May 07
Some people do give helpfiul advice. But for the most part, what wher this was aimed, was the people who have no concept of children and give illogical or abusive advice. I've noticed that many are quick to scream "Spank!" if the child so much as sneezes, or they expect children to act like mini-adults when it just isn't possible.
1 person likes this
@xfahctor (14118)
• Lancaster, New Hampshire
14 May 07
Yeh i've seen it a lot myself. It really bugs me to no end. If you haven't actualy RAISED children then you have no idea. And no, babysitting, being an older sister/brother/aunt/uncle/teacher or even having been a kid yourself DOES NOT count. these people tend to have a very idealistic view on raising children that simpy does not stand up to reality.
1 person likes this
@msjigga (864)
• United States
14 May 07
AMEN! I have noticed the same thing people are so quick to judge situations that have never been in and know absolutely nothing about. Like you said it is mainly the people who claim to not want kids who want to give unasked for advice or put their 2 sense in. When my daugther was 2 years old she use to cry everytime she did not get her way. That was my fault because she was my 1st child.I spoiled her I often felt bad when I did not give her what she wanted. So she use to throw tantrums alot with me when we went out or just simply when she didn't get her way. One day my daugther was throwing her tantrum because I said she couldnt have candy before bed, the neighbor next door knocked on my door and I apologized for my daugthers crying she automatically jumped on me and said that I need to show her more love and affection and hold her more so that she wont cry. This women has no children only cats. I said to her No I think you need a little love and affection and closed the door in her face.
@emeraldisle (13139)
• United States
14 May 07
Good for you! Sometimes neighbors are worse then anything. Although I didn't give birth to a child I have helped raise my neice and was even in the delivery room :) So it's about as close as I'm going to get to having one. We had our fair share of neighbors who thought they knew everything and no matter what we did we were wrong according to them. There are times when we need to tell these people to back off even if they don't like it.
@gaby_girl (157)
• Canada
14 May 07
Well, I agree with your post for the most part, but sometimes its hard to keep your mouth shut when you see a parent acting in an abusive way to a child. I was at a convenience store yesterday, and this woman was swearing at her children telling that them that they didn't deserve any treats because they were horrible rotten worthless peices of garbage. How can you keep your mouth shut about something like that? I wanted to punch that woman.
@lvhughes (545)
• United States
14 May 07
i agree. it seems that everyone has an opinion on everything but it bothers me to no end for someone to tell me how to raise my kids when they dont have any. it also bothers me for a person that had kids but screwed them up to the point of no return tries to tell me who to raise them. a women that lives around us has 4 boys all of which are in prison but she tries to tell everyone how to raise their kids.
@emeraldisle (13139)
• United States
14 May 07
Believe me I do know what you are talking about and it irritates me. I have helped raise my neice since she was borne and it amazes me the advice some will give. It's bad enough when you get the non-parents. Some just want to help and have read something somewhere. What I hate worse are the ones that have been parents. The ones who think they know it all because they once had a child. Not everything works for every child and no two situations are the same. Just how life is. We had neighbors who were senior citizens and of course had some very different views on how kids should be. One of the big ones "Children should be seen, not heard"; so we'd get earfuls of how disgraceful my neice was because of the noise she'd make (She was being a typical 3 year old).
I guess what irritates me are people who think they know the absolute only thing that works. That they know that what has to be done with each child. That they don't want to realize that not all the kids are the same.
@mememama (3076)
• United States
19 May 07
I feel the same way. I once posted about an in-law who has a dog, so she thinks she knows how to raise a child! She drives me nuts! I also am told repeatedly to spank my child, someone has told me to do so not when he's bad, just to let him know who is boss. That persons daughter is failing in school and binge eats when she's not around-hmm wonder why? Babysitting, having younger siblings, writing a book, or being on a tv show (I'm sure yall know who I'm talking about) doesn't make one an expert.
@stormygrl (761)
• United States
14 May 07
Yes that annoys the h*ll out of me! Especially the ones who have pets and no children and consider they're experts on raising other people's children since they are such great pet owners!!!EEERRRRRRR
@mummyofthree (2715)
•
14 May 07
I know exactly what you mean and it frustrates me too.
Raising children is a hard enough job without people giving advice on things they know nothing about. Ok they may think they are being helpful, but to a parent that is already feeling fraught and under pressure it is enough to completely break them. People without kids seem to think it is so easy, they seem to forget that children are also little people with personalities all of their own. Just as an adult has their own point of view and opinions on things, so do children and it can be very hard to get around this at times!
Oh dear, sorry I appear to have began my own little rant now! I shall stop here before I go on for hours!
@jonnysmomma (75)
• United States
14 May 07
I totally feel your pain! My son is 33 months and looks 4 1/2.......and expect him to act as such. When they see his pullup or he has a tantrum(rare, but they happen) in a store, the look at me like im a horrid mom. I smile and say, gotta love 2 year olds. Most people are shocked at how big he is for his age. Ive heard it all. Why isnt that kid Pottytrained at his age? why is he not talking perfectly? Blah blah. I just smile, nod and think evil thoughts lol
@CarmelLove (145)
• United States
15 May 07
If only people like that just stay to theirselves an let us be the parents, the world could be a better place. if you have not one clue and you know that you don't have a clue. Then that should tell you to just don't say nothing at all. but then again I guess that is toooo much like right. Well in the ned we know what we have to do, and what is best for our kids so. Do what is right for your child and don't trip off those who don't know what the hey they doin.
@devilsangel (1817)
• United States
15 May 07
Just because you've never drank posion doesn't mean you don't know its bad. You don't have to have children to know how to take care of them or even raise them. Hell I know people with children who don't know the first thing about being parents. Just because you know a few people who give bad advice about child bearing doesn't mean that everyone who gives advice on children has to have them. You don't need to be a doctor to know a person is sick and you don't need to be a parent to know if a child isn't where they should be developmentally.
