Hurtful words

Yeah I have been there, a therapist once told me that children hurt the one they love the most since they are so close to them, obviously she is hurting you, I know it is hard, it was hard when I went through it, and yes, my daughter made me cry more times than I want to mention, but she does love you and you have to look through the meanness and the hate she shows to realize that one day she will come back to you, just like my daughter did, I know it is hard now, but you have to be strong and show her that you are the boss and no matter what she does you will always be strong and be firm with her, she is testing you, don't let her walk over you and good food your husband, wish there was more husbands like him around.

Your daughter is being very mean to you lately, my friend....her attitude is getting increasingly worse... The chores that you are asking her to perform are minimal for her age...I would make her start doing all of her own laundry.....if she wanted clean clothes...I did this with all of my older children....it is good for her!I know the type of mother that you are...I know all of the extras that you do for your children... Right now she is running her mouth at you...what are you going to do when she raises her hands/fist to hit you??? It can happen...mine did so when she was about 14.... I only have one daughter....she and I have always been very close....but we also have had some really hard times...I would not wish these heartbreaking times on anyone else.... Her age is part of it...but please do not allow this to be used as an excuse for her behavior towards you....you deserve better from her, my friend..... My child would have already received a light snack on the mouth...not to hurt or cause any pain to her physically j but to gain attention to the fact that I am their mother and I will be respoected!!!.... I am a very caring person with a big heart but....I just could not tolerate that mouthing at me....even my 5 yr. old knows better than to talk crazy to me....I am willing to listen to anything that they want to discuss but will not tolerate...the "attitude" that your daughter is displaying.... I know how difficult this is for you, my friend....I am so sorry that your daughter is acting this way....I would also put an end to the "outside" priviledges while she was behaving this way!! You are rewarding her bad behavior and I do not think that is your intention.... Hang in there!!!!!

All I can say is stand your ground. You are the parent and if you give in, your daughter will know your weakness. I know deep inside, she is suffering too because of that guilt eating her alive but then a teener's pride is not to be reckon with too, so don't expect to hear apologizing to you for what she had said. But if she is really sorry, she will tell you she is sorry and start doing her chores. I hate to mention this because I don't want anybody doing anything this to me...but have you tried giving her the silent treatment? Like a, "when you say nothing at all" type of thing. Not many people like this but they sure can feel that you are upset with them. If she gets this, she will come around and if she ask why are your "sort" of ignoring her and not giving her attention, be ready to sit down and explain things to them. Tell her the things that you do as a parent can't even compare to the chores you ask her to do. These chores she is doing will teach her responsibility. Remind her that she will not remain an 11 year old for the rest of her days. If she can't handle responsibility, then she will not able to make it in the real world. My 3 year old toddler blurted out one day that she doesn't want me to be her Mommy anymore because I let her pick up her toys, etc. Hearing that more or less breaks my heart BUT I know she is still confuse with her feelings and probably is upset why I demanded to let her pick up her toys before she can watch her favorite program on the tv. I sat down with her and look into her eyes and told her it is fine, she can look for another Mommy...a Mommy that will take care of her like I do, feed her, read her stories, draw with her, etc..etc. It didn't take less than a minute after I reminded her of all the things I do for her and showing her how much I love and treasure her that she declared, she doesn't want another Mommy because I am the best in the world. That make my heart swells but I know I will be facing this kind of situation in the future where my parenting skills will be question but I will stand my ground...I am the parent and my children should know better.

my 16 year old started that last year, he now fights with simblings, stepdad, and sometimes me.I mean physically.. and mentally . It is a hard thing to deal with emotionally, physically and spritually.. My option advice or what ever you make of it is this. The hardest thing you can do my son is going to JOB CORPS he will be living in a dorm with other students, coming home on weekends if permitted,but at the same time he is learning respect responsibility, and depandence. Something we all as parents want our kids to learn. Hope this helps

"I hate you" is the most hurtful phrase a child can say to a parent. And they know it, I think. my daughter said it to me once- and she's only 6. It broke my heart. She felt really bad and cried and hugged me afterwards. The other day my 4 year old was crying because he skinned his knee. He dosn't like to be fussed over when he gets hurt. I cleaned his knee off and put a Bandaid on it and I said "See, Mommy's make it all better" and he said "No, mommy's are just mean!" That hurt as bad as the "I hate you"!!!

Don't feel stupid for being hurt. I remember the things I said to my parents at that age. She'll understand one day. Just don't back off. Once you do, she'll know exactly how to get out of it every time she doesn't want to do something. Try to ignore the things she says, as hard as it is. She's just testing you. It sounds like you are being a great mom, keep it up and don't lose heart.

Baby, you ain't seen nothing yet! Wait until she's a real teen! I would advise you to defuse her as often as possible. Stay calm. She's wanting you to get upset. Ask her why she's saying these things to you. Ask her to name something good that you've done for her. While she's thinking, start listing some of the good things you've done for her. Prepare your list in advance so that you have the words when you need them. I always felt hurt, too, but as I've gotten older I've seen where I went wrong.

There is nothing wrong with you asking your daughter to help out around the house at her age. She needs to start learning more responsibility and how to do a few things for herself. She is challenging you and you need to stand your ground. She still loves you, but she wants to bully you into giving in to her wishes and wants. Be firm and stick to your requests that you have made of her. She will see anything less as a sign of weakness that she can use as a way out. What we are actually talking about is classic manipulation here and she doesn't need to learn that manipulation works to her advantage, so show her that you mean business. It may be hard on both of you while she is learning this, but it is a valuable lession and one that will serve her well throughout life. Show her that she gets her privileges for cooperating and completing her chores, but that there is no payoff for not complying. You'll get through this and your relationship will be stronger for it. Best wishes.

I think we do so much more for our kids nowadays, like you say pay for this, help them with that and when they do not show the same respect and get abusive towards us it does break our hearts. I have had a cry on my own before when I have done everything and my kids do not give anything back. But I have learnt from this and have had to be alot tougher with them and set boundaries I know I will carry out, not just give out false warnings. I think your daughter is just testing you and trying to get out of what she is expected to do. She knows what buttons to push and if she gets this reaction from you she feels that she is in control because there are no consequences for her actions. Tell her she has to do the chores and if she doesn't then she will have to loose out on something. Kids have to learn how to take responsibility and we know we would not have behaved like this with our parents because we knew what we'd have got!Working with kids myself, they will push and push, but most are actually wanting boundaries put in place. A child changes every 7 years and now your daughter is 14 yrs she is going to go through alot of changes, but she doesn't have to be rude. Be strong soccermom and don't let her see that this is upsetting you. Lay down the boundaries of tidying her room and doing certain chores, then she will reap the benefits, if not, then she will learn that you will not just hand everything to her on a plate. Believe me as a mum of a 17 yrs old, I have been there. Good luck and my thoughts are with you.

why should you feel stupid for feeling hurt? hun, every parent feels that way, every adult, every child everyone, it's natural when someone says 'i hate you' But you also have to remember that you ARE a good mom, you do more for your kids then 10 regular parents do in a day, and THAT'S why she's angry, because she doesn't want to be responsible, she doesn't want to have to do any of these things, but it's okay, because she WILL thank you when she's older.

This brought tears to my eyes reading the discussion. Those were very hurtful words- She said them out of being upset that you wanted her to help out more- Of course she doesn’t hate you- it is just something she said that she knew would get a rise out of you- Kind of like you bother me- I’m going to bother you- It still breaks our hearts! My daughter is 10- and hasn’t uttered those dreaded words to me yet. She did write it in her journal once we were shopping and she was being naughty in the store so I made her put her stuff back and leave the store- This was a few years ago- My mom was with us- she had a new journal and the first thing she wrote was I Hate my MOM! I was mortified- She ripped the page out and cried and told me that she was mad and loved me! Still it hurt- Chaulk it up to hormones with your daughter- I don’t think you are asking too much- My daughter does more chores than that! She made her own list though: ) Stick on her to do them and don’t let her use an attitude with you- I just told my daughter that I’m done doing fun things with her until she can be nice- I’m like you- I would move heaven and earth for her too- She is everything to me- But I refuse to reward bad behavior! Here’s a hug for you!

Don't mind about what you kid says , i too realized my rude behavior towards my mom. In this case discussing the problems and make them feel what ever they do their parents are their with them. u try make them feel even if any thing happens u love them a lot.U should not force to do any thing u have to make them understand about the works which are necessary for her and what is her role in the family. i hope they soon realize and make u feel good about yourself.

It is probably a hormone thing and I would not take it personal. It isn't nice though. Girls seem to always have to be mouthy when they are going through puberty. She will get over it I am sure. She probably will feel real bad about this at some time in her life. She should have to do chores though . As a matter of fact if she is going to mouth off about it you might want to show her she doesn't get rewarded for mouthing off and add a chore. You have to be consistent with them no matter how miserable they make you. Good luck, things will get better.

My girlfriend uses a unique way to parent. Whenever the children decide that they no longer want to do their chores she doesn't punish them. What she does is explain to them that since they are unable to keep their end of the bargain up that she is also going to be unable to keep hers up as well. For every chore that they don't complete there is something that she doesn't do for that child as well. If one of the children doesn't remember to put the dishes away she will point out that she is unable to cook the next meal because she has to put the dishes away instead. Or if one of the children doesn't put their toys up she will get a grabage bag to help the put their toys up. She points out that when everyone pitches in to do their fair share everything runs smoothly but if someone fails to do their job then everyone pays the price.

No you are not stupid for feeling so hurt as I did to when my Girl went through it No matter how much we know it is the Hormones it still hurts I actually went as far as saying to my Girl in a very quiet and hurt Voice well fine if you hate me I can get over that but you will still do it no matter how much you hate me, that actually shocked her a bit Bear with it Sweet it will pass and maybe when she is in a better mood, tell her how much she is hurting you and ask her how she would like it if you said that to her

You can't blame yourself for how your child acts. You can teach them all the manners in the world, but it is up to them whether or not they use it. You need to stand firm and put your foot down on this one. Children, especially pre-teens, will do whatever they think that they can get away with. You need to rule your home with an iron fist. You will be met with much resistance in the beginning, but if you give her no other choice but to comply, she eventually will.