Violent child!!
By deedles88
@deedles88 (297)
Australia
May 17, 2007 1:32am CST
I have a daughter, who turned 1 at the end of March. We have play dates with a baby who is 9 days older then her. Her mum and I are roughly the same age and we went to school together.
My problem is; sometimes we have play dates and the other baby gets a bit too rough. She has hit my daughter a few times, but I have chalked that down to kids being kids, because my daughter does hit her back. But today was something completely different! They came over and were playing, and all of a sudden the other child went up to mine, grabbed her by the front of her dress and her throat and started to shake her while screaming right in her face! My daughter was a little shocked by this and she ran away when the other child let go. But, the mother didnt discipline her child at all, didnt say no, didnt smack her hand, didnt even acknowledge what happened. I wasnt too happy.
Then 10 minutes later, they were sitting on the kiddie couch together, I looked away for a second and I heard a ear piercing, agonizing scream. I looked back and my daughter was screaming and crying, I ran over and saw she was holding her hand out. I looked at it and it was covered in drool and BITE MARKS! I looked at the other child, who had drool all over her mouth and chin. It doesnt take a genius to work out who did it. I picked my daughter up and cuddled her and tried to comfort her, while the other child stood there laughing. The mum, once again, did nothing! She said that she had to go to the bank, and was going to go now, and when she gets home after going to the bank and shopping, she would put her daughter in the high chair, which doubles as a naughty chair.
Im outraged! I dont know how she expects her child to make the connection between the bite and the chair, when it happened over half an hour ago. And she will get confused because she is fed and punished in that chair.... Ive made it clear that I dont want anymore play dates until her child isnt so rough.
How would you have reacted? Has something like that happened to you? What should be done?
7 people like this
15 responses
@maddysmommy (16230)
• United States
17 May 07
Sorry to hear about that deedles and I think you handled it really calmly and really well. I on the other hand would of gone ballistica and would of made sure she knew how angry and upset I was about the whole thing.
What I don't understand is why the mother refused to discipline him in both instances? and why putting him in a high chair would solve the issue? it also scares me to know how can a almost 1 year old know how to grab another childs throat, throttle her and scream at the same time? has he seen this done before? does this happen at his home? I don't know maybe I am speculating but it sure sounds scarey.
Bite marks I understand because my son use to bite me on my shoulders and i put a stop to that right away. But grabbing the throat, shaking and screaming at the same time? I don't understand how a 1 year old would now how to do that? sorry too many questions.
@SpitFire179 (2536)
• Canada
17 May 07
exactly my thought, something's very awry here with this, and i think it should be looked into more, it seems a lot further ahead than just something the child would have seen on tv
@vijigopi (991)
• United States
17 May 07
I too think the very same treatment might have been meted out to her at home and thats why she does it. Maybe one of the child's parents do it regularly. Children copy everything that they see. Seeing that her mother doesn't seem so keen to discipline her right away, I would also grow suspicious about the mother herself. I know everyone would understand about a child behaving out of hand, but a parent behaving as if that is not to be disciplined is a bit odd. Like someone said, maybe she has to see a psychatrist.
@Foxxee (3651)
• United States
18 May 07
You also got to remember that they are only 1. They are toddlers and toddlers don't know how to express their emotions and this is how SOME not all toddlers express theirself.
It doesn't mean that the child saw something from home or anything like that. It's just a thing that toddlers do. They can't speak well and this is how they get what they want.
I have worked with kids before and had a few rough toddlers myself in my class. I had to have someone come out and observe one toddler because he was always trying to bite, push and even choke the other kids. From what I was told and so was my director, was that he was fine and that this is just the way they express theirself. And when we see the child acting out again, just to remove him from the activity for a minute and let him know that it wasn't nice.
Some toddlers are a little more harder to work with.
But the parents has to work with them.
@KissThis (3003)
• United States
17 May 07
When another child hurts my child and their parents don't do anything I remove my child from that situation. I explain to the other parent that I don't feel my child is safe in that situation. And if they tell me that they are going to punish their child when the get home I always explain that the child isn't going to remember what they did wrong.
I wouldn't allow my child to play with their child any more because I wouldn't want my child to learn that bad behavior from them.
I think that you handled the situation as best as you could.
2 people like this
@anonymili (3138)
•
17 May 07
I don't have kids nor am I likely to but my mother has been a childminder for over 35 years now. What she has done in situations like this is separate the kids and made sure the bullied child is given lots of attention and informed the parents of the bullying child of his/her behaviour. This hasn't happened often, maybe twice in all these years. Personally my advice would be to completely cancel all play dates until the child grows out of this behaviour. It might just be a phase the child is going through and the mother, even though she's your friend, needs to know that you will have your baby treated this way. Good luck x
1 person likes this
@natalie1981 (1995)
• Singapore
17 May 07
I don't have a child but I have nephews and nieces that I sometimes babysit. Whenever they play rough, I always tell them that this is bad and then I tell what they did to my brother who always disciplines their child.
The woman should have done so. I think she's spoiling her kid and the child might grow up to be a violent person. I think you did the right thing by not setting another play date.
@yamahagirl (415)
•
17 May 07
Hi there,
I would haved smacked the mother in the mouth to be honest wiyh u, she did nothink to her daughter after what her daughter did too yours.
If my kids did anythink like that i would have smacked them and made them say sorry,
And your right its not right to punish a child hours after ment to do it there and then.
1 person likes this
@ChangingLivesForever (145)
• United States
17 May 07
Hello,
I have 6 children and 7 granchildren. Other children biting is one of the biggest problems parents have and daycare centers. At this point your child needs to be protected from this child's mother! Yes, her. She is not stepping in and letting her child know this is NOT acceptable behavior. No more play dates.
This is probably not an isolated incident with your daughter and her child. Soon, she will be excluded from other play dates. You did not over react. We must protect our children.
Good Day,
Changing Lives Forever
1 person likes this
@angelface23 (2494)
• United States
17 May 07
Wow I would of freaked out. That mother should have done something!!! I know if that was my husband there instead of me he would have knocked that kid and her mom out!! I definately wouldn't put my cild in a situation where she is going to get hurt like that and have nobody do anything about it.
@emarie (5442)
• United States
17 May 07
1. touching/grabbing the throat is always WRONG no matter what.
honestly, if that was my child she would have gotten such a spanking. in my house (i have 2 boys and a nephew) grabbing of the neck or even playing like you're choking them is not allowed and nether is biteing
...i suggest talking to the mother and telling her that this type of behavior out of her child is not acceptable and will lead to more problems. don't care about getting into a fight or hurting her feelings. your number 1 concern is the safety of your child and there have been incidents where children kill other children. if the mother doesn't put a stop to it or at least allow you to punish her child as well then i would call of the play dates with that child and ask her to not be around my child again.
like i said, i don't care who you are. my childrens safety comes first and i would never want my child, at that age, to experiance other children like that.
1 person likes this
@Foxxee (3651)
• United States
17 May 07
That is a toddler for you. I use to see this every day when I worked in childcare.
This is the only way toddlers can express their feelings about things. If they want a certain toy that the other child has, they will bite the other child or push the child. That is just a toddler for you.
But, let me finish, because I do agree with you and I would be mad about this because the other mother shouldn't just let her child get away with it. I know they are young toddlers, but I don't think going up to her daughter and removing her from the play area when the accident happens and getting down to her level and saying "not nice, no, no" in a firm voice. And the mother should do this every time the child hurts another child.
You are right that putting a child in the high chair an hour later isn't teaching her nothing. The child wouldn't know why she was being punished and would be confused. Plus a high chair is for eating.
A lot of people think toddlers that are not even 2 yet can't be punished, but there are ways. You don't have to hit or yell to get your point across. All she had to do was remove the child every time she did something wrong and tell her in a firm voice that it wasn't nice and keep her away from the other child and from playing for about a minute, because after all, they are only 1.
Maybe try talking to this mother and let her know that she has to correct the problem when it happens and show her how. Maybe she just doesn't know how.
But during the time. I don't blame you for keeping the playdates canceled.
@elizabeth525 (654)
• United States
18 May 07
children learn by watching or experiencing...has this child that is so rough been abused? that is the first question that runs thru my head. no child would do something like that unless they saw it happen or had it happen to them. as for biting..that is a natural child thing. it is tech. their only defense against each other. my daughter is 3 and just started it. My fault though because we pretend to be vampires with each other...so she just took it to another level...you need to talk to the mother and ask her what is going on at home. SHE may even be getting abused by her husband..
@RobinJ (2501)
• Canada
18 May 07
My first question is how did this child learn to hold and scream and shake someone. this is not something a child can and will figure out on her own. And I think you are right I wouldn't submit my child to any more of this acknowledge violence any more, There are times children will squabble and even fight, but this child shows a knowledge of torture and getting away with it, not good. I would recommend you find a group where there are several children run by a community service so that your wee one can that others can and do play nicely.
@Gemmygirl1 (2867)
• Australia
18 May 07
I think it's crap, sorry to be so blunt but seriously, if that were my child being smacked & bitten, i'd be furious. There would be no more play dates until that Mother has taught her kid what's acceptable & what's not.
On top of that, if after the smacking incident the mother did nothing, then the biting incident happened, my first reaction would have been to tell the other child off. If the Mother had given me a mouthful i'd have given one back stating she was obviously ok with with raising a child to be a bully & someone needed to tell the child right from wrong coz obviously it wouldn't be her.
I know a lot of people would say it isn't my place to tell another child NO but it's the only way they'll learn & someone had to do it since it was your child who was ending up hurt because of it.
I would never just sit back & allow one parent to let their child bully others, no matter the age coz it's not right & if you don't start early you'll end up with bratty kids later on.
@tuayon_san (299)
• Philippines
18 May 07
It is very sad to hear that deedles88.
Kids doesn't have enough knowledge of what they are doing. it is the reponsibility of the mother or any person who have assign to gatekeep with the kids.
If that is the case, do not let your baby girl to play with them again in order to avoid somebody bite her again.
I know how you feel about it, and it is very sad to know that your kids/or my kids was hurt by someone because of carelessness........
Take care and God Bless you always
@MisterPlus (1915)
• Philippines
17 May 07
I wont let that thing happen to my nephew. I will give them a lesson of their lives. The mother must be put to a Psyche test for not reacting to her daughters behavior. Don't let your child play with that child. You should protect your child from harm.
1 person likes this
@mjsdls (1840)
• United States
17 May 07
Oh that would not sit well with me. I would ask the mother why she does not do anything to correct her child. If she continues not to correct her child I would not let them play together anymore. I discipline my child as soon as he does somethings wrong. He is very well behaved out in public.
