Dificcult Teens

All you can do is try to be there for her. Sounds like she really needs some consistancy. I don't have any teens myself, so take my advise with a grain of salt. It sounds like your doing everything you can for her. I don't think its your fault. You have to look at the whole picture to include the father and grandparents. Some kids just have a headstrong personality reguardless of if they are spoiled or not. I hope things get better for you guys.

I have no children and neither am I married, but as a teenager, I was never this rebellious. I guess I owe it to how my parents, my mom especially, raised me. I live in a strict household wherein punishments are not strangers. If I do anything wrong, I get spanked or pinched or made to kneel on the floor for an hour or more. It's a common thing here in the Philippines and most of the time, it's a very effective way of disciplining children. Not all parents do this of course and their children still end up fine. Although those who are going through the same ordeal as you do not hesitate to take measures as they see appropriate. I'm just sharing =)

The kid is 16, she should get a job and save the money herself. If my kid had come to me wanting money to go to France, I would have told them to do just that. Too often kids expect us to give, give, give and don't believe they need to put anything towards anything themselves. If you take a stand now, she will see it as your being a biach, but you are the parent. You can take a stand. She may not appreciate at the time, but later will reflect on the moment and understand. Huggers to you.

Linda, it doesn't sound like you are the only one spoiling her if all those people are going to help pay for her trip. My God, she doesn't sound like she deserves that trip at all. How come all these other people are willing to pay for the trip? Does she get no consequences for her actions or are you the only one she acts out in front of? She is not appreciating anything you do for her. She just keeps demanding more. I think it's time for some tough love and you'll have to get the other adults in her life on your side.

Seriously, I would NOT give her any money for her trip, if that's the way she treats you. On top of that, if I had any control over it, I wouldn't even allow her to go on the trip to France. She needs to learn rules and allowing her to go isn't teaching her.

I think raising a teen is a battle of wills, yours to exert and maintain control and order in your household and their's to expand and exert their own influence on how they live their life. No one is going to win because it's not a contest. Maybe what you need to do is to sit down and have a person to person talk. Not a parent to child talk. It may not be easy, but it is important. Take some time away from the whole situation where you can be by yourself and go back to when you were their age and try to think some of the difficulties you had with your parents and if they are any different than the difficulties you're having now. Try to see what the differences are between your teen years and hers. We usually are destined and become our parents and and children are the "retribution" for the sins of our youth and payback for the things we did to our parents. Argh!!!!!!!!!!!! History does repeat itself and if we failed, we need to learn from it. So after your alone time, try to become the parent you wished you had when you were their age. It is natural to want to protect them from all the mistakes you see them making, and to try and provide as much advice as you feel is warranted, but sometimes the most effective lessons we learn are the one's we experience first hand. Have a heart to heart talk with her, and let her know that you are going to make some changes, and that you will also expect her to make some changes too. Be sure to give her lots of space and to let her know you will be therre when she needs or wants advice. Remember to always keep in your mind the parent you always wanted when you were her age. Think before acting. Hope this helps.

I also understand what your going thru and wished I could give you some good advice. This is a great topic and I have searched for answers myself. Our 16 year old daughter thinks she is grown and can make it on her own. She started a job and is now trying to support herself and believes she is an adult,way too soon. She plays her father against me and vice versa. She tells me one thing and tells him another. Once she started this job, she doesn't eat our food because she may have to give us money to help out. She will walk to work and have someone to bring her home if she can so she doesn't have to give anything for gas. To her she is on her own in our home and thinks she can do as she please's. Talks disrepectful to her dad and has told him she hated him. It all comes down to she needs attention and is going about it all wrong. You talk about Drama Queen, she has to be the most special one of all our 4 kids or it is a "to hell with you" kind of attitude. I am beginning to think they all are like this at that age. What we have done was backed off from trying to talk to her so she can learn on her own. The arguing and fussing done no good but just mad matters worse. So far, it has started working and she isn't letting her Drama acts force us into giving in to her. Kids this age seem to want to throw guilt on you and force you into doing what they want, but turn it around and twist it to suit their purposes. Just let them know you love them, but stand firm in being the parent. Don't let them control you. That's what we have had to learn. Believe me, its a hard road but you two can make it thru it if you just work with one another. Because trying to teach kids to be responsible these days is very hard job. I was told by my mother that teenagers seem to go insane at 16, and if you are lucky they may become rational again when they turn 27. Right now your daughter blames you for everything bad thing that has ever happened in her life...because you are the only one that will take the blame. You are convenient. My best advice is: I know you love her, but the time has come to let her know that the Good Lord did not provide an instruction manual when she was born, and that you have had to struggle and muddle thru life the best you could. You have done the very best you could. Stop taking the blame, or pleading with her to listen to reason. Inform her that if she hates you so much, then she shouldn't have anything more to do with you, but let her know that you will always be there...just in case. Let her know that in your home...the key word is R-E-S-P-E-C-T, or leave. Inform her that you will stand for no more abuse or angry woirds and that you REFUSE to argue with her anymore. YOU ARE THE PARENT AND SHE IS THE CHILD. Nothing more she can say or do will ever change that. You have the absolute right to be treated with honor, dignity and respect in your own home and car by the very one you have given life to. Demand it. Hold your head high, and begin to lead by example. Say what you mean, and mean what you say. Then live with the consequences. It is all we can do. BTW, this is the 16 yr. old daughter's father that took over after the best advice line. I find that blame is the name of the game....Stop playing her game, back off, let her make her own mistakes. I mean think real hard about it.... Didn't you make many of the same mistakes and take some of the same wrong paths that your child is now? Could your parents stop you? Realize that she is struggling to understand her place and station in life, and make any reasonable adjustments to accomodate that reality, but do not give up your own dignity or even one iota of the respect due you. If nothing else, just be proud you have made it this far and you are still standing. Make her see that she hasn't, and has no experience to claim otherwise. Hope this helps.

When i was a teen il tell ya what..i almost was sent to boot camp or foster care lol..I was a rebel without a clue..lol..its just soo hard to be a teenager..and its like 1000 times harder now adays..So is she is foster care because of her not takin meds? has she harmed you,or stolen?Im just curious what it takes to actually do that to your own child..it would take ALOT for me..actually i dont think i could..but i am not judging you at all..plz dont think i am..i have seen some REALLYY BAD KIDS IN MY TIME..and i understand..I think that ist gonna take a long time to get your relationship back with your child..I think it would be a great idea to get therepy TOGETHER..that way things wil be said..and issues could be dealt with..it may take a few years and lots of tears but i think its a start,,and listen to her..dont judge her..teens just want someone to listen to them...and alot of times they just want no opinions..and i know as a parent it wil be hard lol..and as for spoiling..its never too late to stop..as for this trip..i wouldnt let her go..shes been so bad..why do u think she deserves to go? thats my opinion..i wouldnt..but im not you..she knows how to manipulate you..and you know shes doing it..hun..things need to stop..soooo..again..therepy,and i think looking for parenting groups in your area especially those with troubled teens may help you alot..i hope i was some help..if any:) .

Ok Sweetie you have spoilt her but there is no need for that what so ever my Children where spoilt by me and I certainly do not get this from them If I where you and this is only Advise I would turn a bit hard on her, when she Visits and starts shouting take her back home and tell her she may come to visit again when she calms down and stops shouting at you As for the Money for France tell her that she needs to behave like a Daughter and not someone that hates you so if she still wants you to pay then can she kindly be a bit grateful instead of throwing abuse at you all the time I know this sounds tough Linda and I am sorry but that is what I would do in your Position You do not deserve being treated like that at all and your own child should not treat you like that you are her Mum who has given her Love and care and she needs to start realizing this

My brother was the same, however he has gotten better just because ALL people started saying just one word to him - NO!!! She probably is spoiled, but like someone said, it seems as u are not the only one doing this. WHy is she going to france? HAs she really deserved to go on a trip? I am sorry that u are going through this, she however will grow up and she will have alot of regrets later on!

Oh dear your not going to believe me but you beat me to the post on this one - I was actually thinking of posting nearly the same exact thing only mine is a 16 year old boy. I'm afraid the only help I can offer is prayers and letting you know you are not alone - I'm in the same boat as you except mine lives with me making my life as miserable as possible every single day of my life. I love all of my children with all my heart. I feel horrible for saying this but this is my youngest and the only one still at home and he's going to Colorado to work for my oldest son for the summer... I keep asking when is he leaving :( My oldest is purchasing plane ticket for him. He's been kicked out of school for the remainder of the year so there is no reason for him not to go NOW. I am ready for him to go - I need a break from this desperately.

Believe me I wouldn't rip you apart as I can see that you are trying to do the best for her. I also have a teenage daughter who is fifteen. She has no illness and is not on medication, but she is in therapy. She can be very manipulative when she wants something and very mean when she doesn't get her way. The only suggestion I have for you is to do therapy with her so there is a mediator with you when you communicate. I do go to therapy sometimes with my own daughter just so I can talk without her pushing my buttons. Clearly, your daughter is very angry with you, so maybe the therapy will help her understand your side and she can get past her anger to help build a better relationship with her. Good luck.

YOU are the mother! I think it shows so much disrespect to raise her voice at you, but to call you names is really wrong. If she were my kid, she wouldn't be doing anything like going to France until she learns how to repect her parents, spoiled or not.

Sounds like time for some tough love, mama. You have to put your foot down or she will continue this behavior for the rest of her life. Good luck!