I cant bring myself to let my daughter be away from me.

Honey, all moms go through it at some point, usually in the beginning, I know I did. I didn't want anyone else to do anything with the baby unless I was right there. I got over it quick when I realized that I didn't HAVE to do it by myself. People wanted to do things, not for me, but so they could bond with the baby as well. People just want to share the joy with you. My sister almost couldn't get enough of my daughter, between us we had 3 boys. I didn't want anyone to do anything with her because I didn't want my mom and my sister to turn her into a girly-girl. I begged them not to buy any frilly dresses and no Barbie. They did it anyway, and it was their right. I quit being so 'protective' when I realized that I wasn't protecting her, I was CONTROLLING everything involving her. Buying Barbies and dressing her up wasn't hurting her. They waited a looooong time for a girl, so I stepped back. Andie is 11 and the biggest tomboy in town. As a matter of fact, she is going to play football when she starts 7th grade. Back to you- it sounds like you are over-protective and controlling. Perfectly normal. I think you should try to relax about your mom spoiling her. My kids grew up spending the summers 1500 miles away. They act totally different at grandmas, but certain rules were always in place- manners, no violence, help out, things like that. Point? Let your mom have a chance, she obviously did a good job with you. Plus, it's not healthy for you to always be with your baby. I know that sounds wierd, but think about it, when was the last time you did anything on your own? Let someone else handle her, go remember who you are. Once you become a mom, it's hard to keep ahold of the person you were before.

I think it is totally normal to feel that way, and their is a spectrum for it just like any other feeling. It is more intense for some than others, and you are on the more intense side. Is there anyone you will let your daughter stay with? When mine were small, I prefered my sister to watch them, or their godafther, or another close female friend. The care wasn't always perfect, and may not have been exactly what I would have done, but it did give me a couple of hours from time to time just to do something silly like go to the library in peace. You know what the worst thing that ever happened was? My oldest's godfather has no children. He was minding my son who was about 1 and a half. I left him with everything he would need and when I arrived home, things were more or less fine, although there was an unholy mess of lego and little men and catapults all over the front room. When I went to do the next diaper change I realised he had indeed made the effor, and done well enough, but the diaper was on quite backwards. HIs retort was at least he had managed to change him, because it wasn't a favourite job. Fair enough! I think it would be good to have someone have her for an hour or two. It doesn't have to be your mom.

Having read your responses to others in this discussion I don't think you have "separation anxiety" (whatever that is!) but I do think there is something going on between you and your mother. I became a granny for the first time last year - it was my grandaughters first birthday last week so she is about the same age as your daughter. I look after her quite a lot although she hasn't stayed the night with me yet. I would be quite happy for her to do so, in fact she has her own room in my home, but it's not been necessary for her to stay over yet. I think at that age she is a little young to just do it for no real reason. I'm sure she would be ok and my daughter wouldn't have any real problems with leaving her although I imagine she would be a little anxious the first time, but there's just been no need to do it yet. I do things with my grandaughter that my daughter wouldn't do, I treat her differently from the way my daughter does, I do spoil her and pander to her much more than my daughter does. I'm her granny - it's my job! From some of the other responses you've made I detect a sense of competitiveness/resentment towards your mother as far as your daughter goes. I think that's a real shame if it affects your daughters relationship with your mother. I appreciate you feel that your mother tries to take over - I imagine my daughter probably feels the same way sometimes too! I'm sure that's not her intention - she probably means well, is genuinely trying to help out and be supportive and of course also she probably just adores your daughter! I think you should try to lighten up a bit about it all. I can see your point of view with your daughter staying overnight because at that age (unless there's a need to do it) it's just unnecessary disruption to her routine, but otherwise I think you should try to be a bit more relaxed and maybe a little more understanding towards your mothers point of view. Think about how you would feel if she wasn't much interested in your daughter. At least she wants to play an active role in your daughters life.

it's normal feeling gemmygirl..i'm also a mom and i'm afraid sometimes when i left my daughter to my sister but i feel secure when i left my kid with my mom because i know she will take good care of my daughter..it's normal for us mommies that we feel insecure when it comes to our children because we want them to be safe always because we love them more than our self..

First of all...your daughter is darling! I think that your mom is trying to help you by offering to give you a break, not trying to take over. If you keep your child to yourself, once she gets older it is going to be very hard for her to leave you. It is easier to get her use to spending time with others at an early age and not be so attached to you. You are a new parent and have some hesitation with your daughter being away from you which is normal. Try letting her spend some time with her grandmother just for a half hour at a time and see how you feel. It might be a nice break for you also.

I can understand where you are coming from. You love your daughter very much and want to protect her. I used to have (probably still do a bit) with people trying to tell me how or what to do concerning my children. I have 5 children, my oldest 20 my youngest 8. As a mother, my job was to make sure they were loved, looked after and protected. It took a while till i was ready to leave my first overnight. I worried the whole time. But everything went fine. Now, i very rarely get a break from them. But i appreciate it when i do. But even now, i worry that they are all right. Only you can make the decission of when and where you leave her. Dont let anyone make you feel bad about it. I think in time you will change your view, but it will be up to you. At the moment, enjoy your daughter. They grow up so quickly. Best wishes to you

i work in a childcare centre, and i see a lot of mums not wanting to leave their child but some have to etc. i think you should give yourself time and you will grow out of this. it does take a lot of time, i can see you love your daughter and her safety is the most important thing to you, now you cant ask for much for than that. maybe you could have a break but by doing this maybe just go down the street have a look at a few shops (like a few blocks away from your mum place) and then slowly build it up over time. as both you and your daughter will being going through the separation anxiety so you need to do it in small doses. and by you not wanting someone else to drive with your daughter in the car that is understandable both my sisters were like that for a while. maybe when she gets a bit bigger and can do things for on her own behalf you will feel much better. hope this makes sense and not talking in circles

Hey Gem, I hate to say it but, it sounds like you have separation anxiety. which could eventually transfer over to your child. I can't say that it'll be a good thing. But, just think if your child is much older in her 30's and still be taken care for by her mother. It's a harsh truth which I don't have a problem sharing. I'm sure other will/ can relate. Trying letting her hang out with your family without you being there for half-a-day, call in to check up if that will make you feel better. Leaving your child in the care of someone familiar to you and her. Will teach your child that it's OK, if you're not there, and some independence. I know this may not make sense for now.. the constant being around maybe stressful to one's life, and need for separation.. if there no separation now, the results could be strenuous.

My son is almost 2 years old and he's only been away from me for a few hours at a time. I feel the same way, I don't think anyone else can do the same job as me. When I do leave him for those few hours, he doesn't freak out as I walk out the door, so I know we don't have separation issues ;) I simply really don't have a reason to leave him with anyone for now, I'm a stay at home mother, my hubby works long hours, and if I got a babysitter, I'd sleep lol.

Hey I have this same problem. My baby is a year old and i just feel that still I am the only one who can do the best job with her. Except for my husband I would not trust her with anybody at all. I know I can't be with her everywhere all her life but right now she seems too small and i feel like i need to protect her all the time.

From my experience I would say that you are prone to anxiety attacks. I can understand your wanting to love and protect your child however I am hearing that you are smoothering her and not allowing her bonding time with your mum. What will you do when it is Pre-school time or kindergarten time? You cannot attend school with her unless you plan to home school her. What about if you needed surgery for some reason and it included a week long hospital stay? They would not allow the child in the hospital with you. I am just thinking of worse case scenarios to give you a better understanding of the situation from the childs eyes. How will she be away from you. Separation anxiety is hard on us parents but can be even harder on the child. Your mum is not taking over as you stated, she is trying to get to know her grandchild and help her grandchild to feel comfortable with her. To get a brak from her constant care is not a bad thing. For the child it is good if mommmy is not exhausted. I would like to suggest an experiment. Take a good book and your little girl for a visit to grandma's house. Tel;l your mom about your concerns and that you need to do this on your terms and in your time. Tell you mum where you will be. Have a cell phone with you too if possible. Leave your little girl with grandma for 1 hour. Go to your car, drive down the road, park and read your book. Better yet, take a journal with you and record how you are feeling. Is your heart racing, do you feel anxious, do you feel nauseous? If so you are indeed having separation anxiety. Remind yourself, you are just down the road, you can get to her fast if need be. When you return to the house talk to your mum about how you felt. Talk to her about how the child acted. Did she cry when you left, was she looking for you. Did she enjoy the visit, did grandma. Then plan another 1 hour excersion for another time. After two 1 hour visits then lengthen it to 2 hours. Keep in miond that this is for your child because you do not want her to go through horrible anxieties if you should need to leave her with someone because you have to go somewhere a child cannot go. Who better to leave her with than a grandmother that will love her and care for her very well. Overtime talk to mum and let her know the childs rules, what she is and is not allowed to do and that you expect her to enforce these standards when she is with her. Over time you will do fine. If this causes too myuch stress to the point of vomiting you may need counseling to find out why you have such a fear of not being with her at all times.

I have three kids and I feel the same way. my mom lives two apartments down from us, but I can't allow my kids to spend a nite with her...lol....I don't know why I am too protective over my kids! I just can't imagine a day with out them. I understand how you feel & I hope it comforts you to know that you are not alone in this situation.

Sounds to me that Your Daughter is your first child ,and your over Protective which thats not a bad thing as its upto you Who you see fit enough to look after your Daughter and Who you Trust with her,My Wife Was Very Very Over Protective on Our First Child But as We now have 4 kids and another one on the Way its ok Hectic with kids But less over Protective,Dont get me Wrong any one who harmed my Daughters I think i'd Kill them Don't like Violence my self but when Violance is Inflicted on your Children then that is a total Diffrent Dilema Im Sure Everything will Work out For you

Two words: Anxiety meds. This does not seem normal and she will grow up to resent it. Mention this to your doctor next time you see him. I'm not being harsh because I too suffered from anxiety. Postpartum depression can rear it's ugly head as anxiety. ((((HUGS)))))