You Can't or You Won't
By mizrae
@mizrae (587)
United States
May 19, 2007 4:06pm CST
"You would if you could, but you can't, so you won't." Now there's a phrase that speaks volumes. Either you can't(cannot) OR you won't(will not), the two words are not interchangeable. To me, "can't" surmises an external force that prohibits you from making a choice while "won't" lets you make a choice no matter what the external force. Unfortunately too many of us accept the "can't" and automatically "won't". Perhaps if we review our childhood lessons when we learned to talk, walk, tie our shoes, or ride a bicycle we would discover we did not know the word "can't." We were eager to learn, to practice over and over whatever it was we wanted to achieve or do. We made a choice to persevere, to overcome all obstacles, to achieve and in doing so we also eliminated many of our "won't" choices. The next time you say you can't, before you say you won't, find a way that you can and you will.
3 people like this
4 responses
@creativemind755 (400)
• United States
19 May 07
Interesting discussion, mizrae!
I think there's much VALIDITY 2 what u're saying here. But, I'd like 2 expound on this a bit.
I agree, that MANY people say "can't", and they REALLY mean "WON'T"! But, consider, also, that EVERYONE has a natural TEMPERAMENT, and each temperament comes with its own set of "strengths" and "weaknesses". Of course, WHAT'S considered a "strength", and WHAT'S considered a "weakness" is all SUBJECTIVE, and in THIS case, I believe, IS interchangeable. 4 example, if I'm SENSITIVE, 1 person might consider that a "strength", because I would care about other people's feelings, and probably be kind and loving. On the OTHER hand, someone ELSE may consider sensitivity a "weakness", saying something like I would be 2 "touchy", or "thin-skinned", and maybe I get offended "2" easily! So, it really IS in the "eyes of the BEHOLDER"!
Now, getting back 2 temperament.
I might have a natural strength in the MENTAL department, and be extremely INTELLECTUAL, and "flourish" in all things academic, philosophical, or anything that requires deep thought. But, at the same time, 2 offset that "strength", I might "lack" in the PHYSICAL department, and be "all thumbs" when it comes 2 things like fixing a mechanical problem with a car, or lifting heavy objects, etc.
Now, if I say I "can't" fix a car, am I simply saying that I'm NOT WILLING...that I "won't"? No. In THIS case, I feel that I'd simply be acknowledging the fact that I have NO KNOWLEDGE in that department. So, instead of being "unwilling", I think I would just be facing REALITY!
NONE of us can do EVERYTHING! We're ALL "good" at some things, and "bad" at others, and it's just DIFFERENT things 4 all of us, but no one can do it "all", because NO ONE is "perfect"!
I DO, however, think that we ALL know, INDIVIDUALLY (in our OWN individual minds) when we're saying "can't" in place of "won't" (NOT WILLING), versus "can't", when we're truly not ABLE!
Of course, 1 COULD say that (and I'll COMBINE YOUR definition with MY example) I "could" fix, or ATTEMPT 2 fix the car! Technically, there is NO EXTERNAL force prohibiting me from doing it, or at least, attempting it. But, if I LACK the natural ability, the natural INCLINATION 4 something...ANYTHING, can I, or anybody ELSE, really be accused of using "can't" as an EXCUSE?
Some things/skills u CAN ACQUIRE, but if u DON'T have a natural propensity 2-wards it, u probably WON'T do it WELL! 4 example (again), if someone "can't" sing, sure, they can take vocal lessons. They can take as many as they want! And, they probably WILL acquire some TECHNICAL ability, as far as how 2 breathe properly, etc. But, if they DON'T have the NATURAL "gift" of song (a nice sounding voice, that can stay on key, and in pitch), then the lessons are 4 NOT! No matter HOW much they try, they STILL WON'T sound good!
That old saying, "U can do WHATEVER u want, if u just put your MIND 2 it", DOESN'T ring TRUE 2 me! It SOUNDS good, in THEORY, but since we ALL have our OWN set of strengths and weaknesses, it simply ISN'T true! I would QUALIFY that statement, and say that we CAN do whatever we want, that we ALREADY have the NATURAL ABILITY 2 do! If the "seed" is ALREADY there, all we have 2 do is "water" it, and give it proper "sunlight"! But, NOTHING'S gonna grow out of the "ground" if there's NO SEED 2 begin with! U'll just have a pile of "mud"! LOL!!!!!
So, 2 sum this up, I'm with u, mizrae, as far as overcoming obstacles, and NOT making excuses. NO arguments there! I just think what I'M saying has 2 be taken into consideration as well!
Excellent discussion! U really got me thinkin'!
3 people like this
@mizrae (587)
• United States
19 May 07
Exactly my point, perhaps we are not so good at certain things, but to automatically say I can't do it really means we have CHOSEN not to do it because we aren't good at it, we don't like it, we don't enjoy it, we aren't knowledgeable about the subject, etc., etc. Then there are the individuals you read about that are born with no arms and are using their feet to replace the missing hands; the person who lost their legs and use prosthetics to walk. Obviously, they could have said "I can't" but CHOSE to find another way and decided they will. I'm pretty sure they didn't have the skill when they started out. All I'm saying I guess no matter what you like or dislike, whether you have a natural ability or not, do not automatically say you "can't" do a thing. And, I agree, there are things that we cannot physically do. But how did they find out they couldn't do it? Did they just say they couldn't and therefore they wouldn't do it? Or did they at least try to learn the skills first? (I happen to be one of those who "can't" sing, but I will sing along when I'm alone anyway)
1 person likes this
@marciascott (25529)
• United States
1 Jun 07
Hi welcome to Mylot, My Motto is I will do it, I will suceed in it. and I did it!
1 person likes this
@sunshinelady (7609)
• United States
29 May 07
I agree with this discussion. Sometimes we can be our own worse enemy and stop ourselves from doing something simply because we tell ourselves we can't. Sometimes we don't even try because of that. Don't ever say you can't. Try and you just might be surprised. I like this discussion. It is a good one.
1 person likes this
