Did you change your last name after getting married?
By serenidity
@serenidity (641)
India
May 20, 2007 12:17am CST
Most of the cultures make it customary for a woman to change her last name to match her husband's once she gets married, still now a days it has been observed that there is an increasing trend in married women retaining their maiden surnames. Personally, I kept using my maiden name even after marriage but once my daughter was born, i had to compulsory get my name changed so that her passport could have parents' name as same. I still hate the fact that i had to adopt another last name though in a way it also means lesser confusion for my baby and a common name does sound more like a family (doesn't mean those with maiden names are not great families). So I would say I really would have loved to continue with my maiden name but at the same time since the change came for my child i don't regret it so much. How many of you married women here still use your maiden names? What is your opinion on name chnage post marriage?
5 people like this
15 responses
@headhunter525 (3548)
• India
20 May 07
I am a male and so there is almost no possibility of changing my surname. Because like almost all culture we don't man does not change their name, it is rather the woman who does that.
I have come across some 'feminists' who do not want to take their spouse's surname, but I have also met women who who want to take their spouse's surname. It may sound unpleasant to some, but to be very honest I want my wife to take my surname. I am not married yet. However, if she insists that she will not take it then I shall not compel her to do it. But I am also curious why some women do not want to take their spouse's surname.
I would be happy to hear why some women do not want to change their surname even after marriage. I am curious because there are lot of them out there who want to adopt their spouse's surname.
@serenidity (641)
• India
21 May 07
Its just that a name is a person's identity since the day one is born. I would say it is more an individualistic issue than a feminist issue. Why should anybody change their name against their wishes at all ( I would like to stress here on an individual's wish, if somebody wants to, so should it be).
@ashanti1967 (191)
• United States
22 May 07
headhunter525 you mention because you are male it is not a possibility for you to take a womans surname..thats false it is possible to do..you would just need to place the request within the courst when going in for the marriage licence..its not feministic to choose that its just fair on both sides of the fence..
@federickp (607)
• India
20 May 07
i am from india and we have a culture to change last names of women after marriage. And if dont like this custom, you will be surprised by the fact that, there is also old tradition to even change the first name of women. And in some parts of india even today this culture is follwed. I personally have not thought about this as i am a man and this rarely bothers me. But when we have kids its better tio change name from her family's name to his family's name. Also it feels that she now forms an inseperable part of our family. And now we indians are so used to it that we dont find it some thing unusual!
Nice topic dear,
i rate it '+'
@serenidity (641)
• India
20 May 07
It is so easy to accept things like this when one grows up in such an atmosphere isn't it ? But even in India, I read many celebrities use their more popular maiden last names, maybe it is not so common for a common person. I agree, it does sound like the same family and the kids don't have to answer questions like why does you mom have a different last name, specially in a place where its a custom to take the husband's name after marriage. thanks for the positive rating.
1 person likes this
@federickp (607)
• India
21 May 07
Yes. Things are acceptable when we see it from our childhood. Also in western countries more than one marriages is common, which doesnt seem anything disturbing for a small kid of 10years, but here in india, breaking up a marriage is not a small thing and even a 40 year old will take that very seriously. The point i want to mke is that the difference is between cultures of countries.
On the personla front i like the custom because when we have similar names it feels like he is part of our family ( which she is infact!) the kids also feel like we all are very close. If name differs then it may create a feeling of differenciation among kids. I like this custom.
As far as celebrities are concerned, i think we should not compare between their lifestyle and ours- i.e common people's lifestyle. They have various reasons ranging from money,career to what not things for the decisions even as important as marriage. And they dont tend to follow the tradition. The feel that following weswtern culture is the mark of modernity. Which is wrong. But you live in a society and if any wife doesnt change her name after marriage. Then she gets a suspitious look from everyone.
And Yeh i can give you many examples of celebrities which have happily changed their names after marriage!
@serenidity (641)
• India
20 May 07
do you have children ( you may not answer if you think its too personal), even i didn't change as long as we didn't have a child. A baby in the equation always makes all the difference.
1 person likes this
@sreevasu (2717)
• India
20 May 07
Yes I do have two boys, both grown up now. But it made nothing in changing my or her last name. The initial of both of my boys is S and it can be read as the first letter of my name as well as hers. As long as our society is patriarchal it is customary to do so. Options are there but we don't want to hurt others. Thanks again.
@RogerTheRabbit (1271)
• Portugal
21 May 07
My girlfriend already said to me that she is not taking my name. And that is ok with me. At least I'm already used to this idea.
But you have a point when you say that it looks more like a family.
@mamacathie (3928)
• United States
21 May 07
Yes I changed my name to my husband's last name. I was so proud of him and proud to be his wife that couldn't wait to get my last name changed. I wanted to be associated with him in all way. That was 31 years ago that we got married. I am still, and more, proud to wear his last name as mine. I love him more and more each day.
@serenidity (641)
• India
21 May 07
31 years !!! wow and congratulations and god bless you, your family and your love for each other.
@inday312saylon (747)
• Philippines
21 May 07
Hello. I have changed my family name after I got married. It is a custom here in my country. Lately, there have been women who retain their maiden name even after marriage. There's really nothing wrong with that, but I just feel that when you marry the person, you have become one. It is just proper to give up your maiden name to your husband.
@serenidity (641)
• India
21 May 07
Yes I agree, if you share the same name, looks like one same family but its unfair that females are expected to fuse their names, why not the guys?
@narayanshravan (151)
• India
20 May 07
i think therr is no harm in changing ur second name and add ur hubbies name.. if u couldnt afford just to add or fuse ur name with ur hubby how is it that u are gonnahave a good relationship with ur hubby..no offence please..
@serenidity (641)
• India
21 May 07
No offense taken but does it mean that women who change their names have a better relationship with their husbands? I think not.
@DiamondWings (176)
• United States
21 May 07
I wasn't married until I was in my 40's. I took my husband's name. We divorced 2 years later. When I met my present husband, I did not want to take his name because I had a business and was known by my 1st married name. But, I realized that I was not honoring my husband by carrying another man's name so I did change it to my present husband as a way to honor him by being proud to be his wife. If women start to hyphenate their names, how long before these names from generation to generation become so long that they won't fit on those little tiny spaces on computerized forms???? It get very confusing when you meet someone with children and they all have different names. I think it makes the children feel funny. It's a pain to go through the process of changing names but it does honor your husband and gives the children a sense of commitment by their parents.
@serenidity (641)
• India
21 May 07
Thats what is always topmost in our minds that kids should not be confused and not feel answerable for what we have done.
@dcroome2005 (1210)
• United States
21 May 07
Both times that I got married, I took his last name. I kept my maiden name as my middle name so I didn't have to lose it completly. I get the best of both worlds now with the names.
@serenidity (641)
• India
21 May 07
True, that way you can keep using the old name and have a new added name as well.
@ashanti1967 (191)
• United States
20 May 07
i made a choice to have my last name hyphenated..basically i use my maiden name seperated by a hyphen and my married name comes after to have both identities..for business i use my maiden name..generally i have both names i can legally use ..on my drivers license its hyphenated as well..so either last name i use will be sufficient..
when we actually went for our marriage license i asked the clerk if it was possible for my husband to take my last name..and she said yes..and that is VERY non-traditional as well..
as far as opinion on this issue..i feel that whatever the couple decides ..or a part of the couple decides as long as the people who are involved and have a say agree or feel its fine why not? i informed my then fianc'e that i would be hyphenating my name and to him it was a- ok! makes my name a bit longer if i used both at one time instead of one or the other but im satisfied with my decision..
my 2 cents!
@scarywhitegirl (2766)
• United States
20 May 07
I was married previously, and I changed my last name to that of my then husband. When we got divorced, I went back to using my maiden name. This actually has caused some confusion as I worked in editing, and so I have books where I am listed as an editor under two different names.
I am engaged now, and when we get married (in a few years), I plan to take my fiance's last name. This is mainly because I want our future children to carry on his last name, especially if we have a son.
@serenidity (641)
• India
21 May 07
Children do influence our major decisions in life. It was very important for me also that my child has my husband's family name and am also happy that all of us have the same name.
@ZaffireWolf (480)
• United States
20 May 07
Why can't the man change his last name, like Cruella De Vil? Or, better yet, if the other person's last name sounds cooler with the person's first name, then you change to THEIR name! Whichever sounds awesomer or whatever! Or, in the case of names that are cooler if they're unchanged, like Clark Kent and Lois Lane, you just keep 'em.
Of course, changing names in general is just so that you can sound like you're part of a "family", so there is that connection that's been tamped into our minds from the medieval (midevil) monarchies, so I dunno. I like my "whoever has the cooler sounding name" idea.
@gradyslady (4054)
• United States
26 Sep 07
I do plan on changing my last name when I get married, to me it's just respect for your partner, and tradition.
