How Did I Ruin The Best Thing To Happen To Me?

Its like some crazy messe dup abusive relationship. Since we started together i havent been allowed to hang out, talk to any of my male friends. But he has his ex girlfriend randomly turning up at our house and he has chick numbers on his phone. I know he wouldnt cheat but its just, annoying i guess. And i love him so much, and sometimes when he looks at me or the way he holds me i know that he feels it as well. I honestally would never cheat on him, it was just one time i thought about it and got caught. Its up to him to forgive me, i just think it was too much for him and i dont know if he will ever get over it

You should never have to give up your friends. Anyone will tell you that. He doesn't trust you. He never did. That is why you can not do stuff with your friends. He will tell you that he trusts you but he does not trust them. =) Does he have rules that do not apply to him? Kind of like he can have female friends but you can not have male friends. You don't have to answer but if he does then he is going to try to control you. Does he insult you with harsh words? You don't have to answer but if he does he is going to try to control you. It is a tactic that the guy doesn't always know that they are doing. If they destroy your self esteem then you will never leave because you will think that no one else will want you. There are other signs. I am only speaking of the 2 that I know. But maybe you should do a search. If you are experiencing these things like mental abuse, you are not the first. You can go read it online I'm sure. Just do a search. I am sure you will find several stories about women who said "Not Me." or "But he loves me so much." I can only speak from my perspective. So here it is. If I had a bunch of chix phone #s in my phone and I was talking to them, I would be doing at least one of them. You said you know he would never cheat. The girl I was with when I was 20 I would have cheated on. She was nuts. I couldn't get rid of her until about 5 years ago. It took about 17 years to get rid of her. She was even married to someone for about 7 years. I had to call her husband once and tell him to have her leave me alone but it didn't work. She worked for an insurance agency and I think she used to get my phone # through the "system" but I can't prove it. Everyone called her the stalker. LOL